Totally numb

Today I cremated my husband of 43 days and the only man I ever loved whose death was very sudden and unexpected. On Thursday I am going to my sister’s funeral who lost her short fight with cancer. I really feel completely numb and really don’t see any point to anything,

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I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost both your husband and your sister in such a short space of time. That is a devastating double blow and it is not surprising that you feel numb - you are probably still in shock. All you can do at this early stage is to be very kind to yourself and take things day by day or even hour by hour.

I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as many of our users do find it helps a little to have somewhere to share feelings honestly and where people understand. Hopefully some of our other users will be along soon to reply to your post. We have a user called @MaryL who also lost her brother and her husband in a relatively short space of time - I’ve just tagged her here in case she might wish to reply.

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Hi, I can understand the feeling of being completely numb, disconnected from everything and not caring about it. I lost my wife nearly 4 months ago, before that, my younger brother and my mother – all within 3 months. I had 45 years with June. At just 43 days, you must still be “in love”, feeling numb must be the best you can feel. Others say time heals. I hope so as I still have that numbness, but I do get through each day, and to be honest, the latest lockdown suits me fine, means I don’t have to think of excuses not to meet people – friends mean well, but they don’t know what to say for fear of upsetting me – as if we could be any more upset

I can’t give you any advice, but I’m finding that keeping busy helps. My concentration is shot to pieces so watching TV or reading is no good but tasks such as the garden and around the house is what I do. For the winter I’m planning to redecorate the house – not a new scheme, just freshen the place up.

What I will say is that this site does help. Many people are here for the same reason, and they all want to reach out and help – not that we can, but we do know what we’re all going through so, usually, know what to say.

Take care of yourself and don’t feel rushed into anything, D

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So it’s and as usual the prescribed sleeping pills have worn off but did managed to get 3 hours so that’s a start I suppose. My daughter and her family have been amazing, everyone says so, I’m now with her for the lockdown
So why do I feel I’m just a step away from Plan B . My life has been a series of disasters, mainly not my doing and I finally found true happiness and love only to have it snatched away and the one person who would have been my rock, my sister, taken from me too. My whole life has been turned upside down, I’ll probably have to move sometime in the future and start again but at the moment getting through each day is enough. Not even sure this will be seen, my IT skills are rubbish.

Dear Helpme,
Just wanted to let you know that you are underestimating your IT skills. Your post is on here, but due to the early hour it was posted it was probably not seen by many people at that time. Don’t let that discourage you from posting again.
It is good that your daughter and her family are so supportive and that during lockdown you will be able to stay with your daughter. Hopefully you will be able to get some good nights sleep because tiredness can make it even harder to cope with grief. You are right that at the moment, just getting through one day at a time is probably all you can expect of yourself at this stage.

Thank you for all your support, it does help to know I’m not alone feeling like this. My family are helping but it’s not what I want. I feel that my whole future has been taken away and nothing will ever have any meaning again. Wish I could fast forward a couple of years when this pain subsides just a little.

Helpme your last post there could have been written by me. I dont have an answer as I too feel hopeless, overwhelmed,exhausted and hopeless again. So sorry you lost both these dear people.

I lost my husband suddenly almost three weeks ago. my lovely mum is sleeping with me and helping me so much to get through the hours. I couldn’t have coped otherwise but I see it takes a toll on her and worry I will soon lose her too. its just all so intensely awful. So sorry.

The nights seem so long and lonely even though I’m with my daughter and her family. Glad you have your Mum with you, my sister would have been my rock but she died one week after my husband, We had the funeral s two days apart which was too much to bear. I’m now on medication which is supposed to help me sleep but doesn’t work for very long. Feels like I’m in some sort of fog all the time, possibly that’s the drugs.

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My heart goes out to you I know exactly how you must be feeling I to lost my husband 9weeks ago and I know like me your grief is unbearable will be thinking of you

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It is too much to bear, I’m so sorry Helpme.

Charliemolly I am sorry you are also in this weird club now that none of us expected to be in but welcome. I am new here but today it helped me after a despairing night last night. I hope you can get some moments of comfort as I have done.

I hope you can all get some peaceful sleep tonight but its even worse if you wake in the middle of the night. I guess a lot of us on this site are awake then, it is such a despairing time.
I have been exhausted and waiting for sleep all day but now I don’t quite feel like going and getting to bed because I know it leads to those awful moments when you wake and realise again what reality now is.

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Hi Thankyou for your kind message it is just after 3am I find it hard to sleep evenings and nights are my worst times I don’t know if it’s the same for you there has been some comfort with this website knowing others are in the same position I know it’s going to take a long time but hopefully we all be able to feel a little better in the future

sometime I type on here like a sensible human but in the night I become a hopeless animal in terror. I thought maybe last night would be better after id felt calm some hours in the day.
I woke up many times, still tired but I’ll get up soon if I can as don’t think I can face another waking up and realising he us not there again for a bit.

You are not alone in this numbness that you feel , please know that , the loneliness and total sorrow you must be feeling at this time is overwhelming , after losing my girlfriend of 6 years two weeks ago I can feel
Your pain , keeping active is something that has helped me not to keep thinking about her , when everything I do in life makes me remember her , I would imagine you are feeling the same , everything is a reminder , just to get out of the home for maybe a walk does help , keep coming back here and let us know how you feel

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Really sorry for your losses. I really feel for you. I myself really struggling to the loss of my sister to pancreatic cancer age just 51 , there is just a big emptiness in our lives now. It as just over 5 months and it is just getting more difficult. Lee

I totally agree with all you have said I lost my husband nine weeks ago and I just feel things are getting worse they say time heals but I am not so sure loneliness is also a big problem

Somehow we have to find comfort in the time we had with our loved ones of the years gone by. I know it is really difficult when my sister was diagnosed in August 2019. That time we Had left just seem to fly by, and just wish I could turn back time. Lee

Was just about getting by when the funeral director rang today to tell me they have my husband’s ashes ready for me to pick up. I know it’s what I wanted but it really hit me hard. I always thought I’d want him near me but now I’m not sure if that’s going to be too painful.

Dear help me, I found that once I received my husbands ashes I felt calmer knowing he was back home with us. Its comforting for me as he loved being at home and got his wish to die at home on 4 June from pancreatic cancer. Every step we face is painful but one day there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Take care all the best Margarita🍒

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Thank you Margarita, I’m hoping that will be the same for me. My niece has said she finds comfort having my sister’s ashes near her, she passed one week after my husband. I’m currently in lockdown with my daughter and her family so cannot pick them up yet. Like others I’m totally lost and have no interest in any future without the love of my life. It’s been 6 weeks now and it feels like forever, when does this pain get any easier.

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@Helpme I am so sorry and I completely understand how you feel. My father died in January and my husband John in June. Please don’t try to worry about trying to get over this grief. It’s something we have never experienced before and we are in shock. All I can say is just do whatever you want. Cry, scream, swear anything to let some of it out. It’s quite exhausting. Don’t look too far ahead because it’s a bumpy ride. I was doing ok until this latest lockdown. Now I am almost back to square one but everyone else has moved on. You take care and I am sending you a very big hug :butterfly::broken_heart: