Totally Shit - But Thanks For Asking

I definitely feel the same about the wk ends, I used to look forward to them, my husband worked permanent nights so the wk ends were for spending time together or with our grown up kids, now I dread them and am constantly thinking of things to do to fill them, keep strong and remember all the good times x


I understand exactly where you are coming from as that is exactly what I have been feeling I lost my soul mate in May and everyone seems to have gotten over the shock now and expect that I should be getting back to normal. Well sorry but this is my normal right now. I’m really glad that I found the sun ryder site because I felt like I was so alone and no one else understood how I felt broken inside somedays I dont want to get out of bed on a good day I do what I normally would but when I sit down it hits me all of a sudden and I’m broken, thanks for leaving your post it has helped


This is you’re new normal and no one but you knows what you’re feeling, all of our experiences are different, you put yourself first, do what’s best for you, if people don’t like it then that’s their problem, real friends will understand, take care x


I have been alone now for nine months now and I can say that the sobbing , when I felt I was losing my mind, isn’t so frequent now but sadly have to say life is still shit. I have just got in from going out for dinner with friends and I’ve cried. The house is dark and empty, how I feel my life is. My friends have gone back to their partners and their bank holiday weekends filled with family stuff. My weekend, unless I contact people will be spent by myself. I hate this self pitying person that I am now but life is shit. Only on here do others ‘ get it ‘
Kind thought to all


I fully understand, I lost my wife of 47 years just over three years ago, and when asked how I am I reply I,m fine, because I don’t know how to respond because I am unsure how to explain the real feelings.

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I get it, 100% xxxx

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I’m seldom asked now after 18 months , clearly everyone is still in their self absorbed bubbles. The same ones who were quick to borrow or ask hubby to do a small job for them.
If asked I reply –
“Shit is a good description but I’m plodding on”.
A definite conversation stopper but you get a nod of the head as if they know what it’s like.

G. X


I lost my husband 10 months ago now he was my life and my soul mate iam toally lost without him but i take tiny steps every day it as hard as if it was yesterday and yes people keep asking how are you .how do you feel as i said it not an illness i have lost my belived husband and it bloody hard but i keep going because i know that what he would have wanted everybody deals with grief in different ways i get great comfort visiting his grave .Keep going i know it hard i do get comfort in doing these chats and knowing your not alone


Yes Jackie, I’m similar to you in the time span of losing my lovely husband Pete, we were married a long time like you and your wife. I usually reply with some banal answer such as 'well it’s not the same anymore ’ and then quickly ask ‘and how are you’ I just want them to go away and leave me alone and I’ve become skilled, first of all spotting the culprits and then avoiding them usually if I’m out shopping Also find it hard when being served in shops and on paying being told ‘You have a great day evening weekend’!! Which brings me to… another bank holiday !! Watched a lovely recorded programme last night on Portmeirion in Wales and remembered the lovely times we had staying there for the odd night and felt so sad. Hope you all find some ray of light what ever if might be this weekend…
Love Jenny x


Yes the ‘have a nice weekend’ or ‘any plans for the weekend’ are hard to hear throw away remarks. I haven’t had a great morning feeling sad but going for a dog walk later, I’m sure Boo will make me smile
Kind thoughts to all this weekend


Just read the posts and can agree with every word written. It’s the start of the long weekend and I am dreading the days. Frances passed end of may and every day brings tears. Life is shit the silence in the house, the loneliness all add to make me wonder how quick I can join my beloved.
The weekend will be over soon.


I can resonate with all your posts, my 53yr old partner died nearly 6 months ago suddenly and quite frankly it’s traumatised me. I’m thinking of starting a peer support zoom group for bereaved partners called “Yes it’s totally shit, thanks for asking!!” - would anyone be willing to join me? I’ve got a zoom account so would be easy for me to organise xx


Yes :heart: I’d be definitely in. It’s so humbling speaking to people who know how I feel. It’s just shit for all of us. X

Happy to join

I’m not very ‘’ technological", but I would be interested, if it’s possible from Italy?

I would be happy to join, I find it easier talking to people who get how I feel x

I’d be happy to join

Hi Solost, yes it is possible to talk to each other. You can use Zoom or any other video conferencing website. - I use Jitsi Meet to talk to friends in Germany and Switzerland. I use Jitsi Meet because I do not have to register, and it is free to use. It is also very easy to use.

It just runs on the browser (no extra software needed). - I make up my own words for the room name and send it to a friend. e.g. - (I use six or more words) - And, when I want to talk to one of my friends, I just copy the link into the address field of the browser and press enter. (I use a different words (room name) for each friend.) - You can even share a youtube videos via Jitsi Meet.

Here is a link to a Youtube how to video :

  • Nick
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Thank you for that information.

It’s been 7 weeks for me and I hate being told that I seem to be “coping well”.

I am not coping, I am going through the motions of living. Of being a mum and being a grandma. I don’t want to be a widow, I want to be a wife. With my husband here with me.