Your heart will always guide you in what is the best way of honouring and remembering a loved one. Your connection to them resides in the heart and soul. We human beings overthink everything. Just go with what feels right. Photo’s are for a lot of people upsetting because it creates a longing for the physical presence. The physical body has gone and will not return but the spirit and soul of our loved one’s continue to live on within us . I personally light a candle and meditate and know that the light of the spirit never extinguishes and burns brightly forever
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My husband use to buy me flowers every week just because he loved me and I have kept up that tradition, it will a year tomorrow when he passed away very suddenly from sepsis, I lost my best friend, soulmate.
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Sheila, I should have said in my last post that there really is no need to apologise. These things happen and I’m not offended. I just didn’t want you getting the wrong idea.
I like to think that my mum is around me. Her her now seems a lonely place, mostly empty now before the next people move in. I have talked to her while I’ve been in there but if she is still around then she is probably somewhere she wants to be and not there as far as I can feel.
It’s good to hear that you are getting out and about. I’ve never tried a gingerbread latte but it sounds very indulgent and why not! Don’t even start me on cream cakes, my diet in the last few weeks has been bad enough as it is.
Shaun x
Hi maggieald,
Sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds like a lot of thought went into what would be a fitting memorial. I lost my mum suddenly as well and I’m still really at the early stages of coming to terms with the current reality. Your memorial idea sounds like a fantastic idea and I’m sure it’ll bring joy to a lot of people. Artwork is meant to be seen and appreciated, how lovely. I’ve mentioned before that I would like to create a visual tribute in the form of a book which I can hand down. I’ll do that when I’m ready to handle looking at so many memories. The other thought I had was sponsoring a bench in my mum’s favourite place in the Isles of Scilly. That would provide her as I see it, somewhere to sit and admire the view as well as countless others to enjoy as well.
Hi Angie_m, Thank you for your message. Thats a lovely tradition. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss so suddenly a year ago. I’ve got many anniversaries to look forward to and I’m dreading it all. The first one for me is my mum’s birthday in a couple of weeks. I would normally buy her flowers, scented Narcissi sent from the Isles of Scilly. I would do the same for mothers day too. I was thinking of still getting them and displaying them for her in my home. I do hope you are finding peace with these flowers. It is terrible when we lose people who are so special in our lives but it is lovely that we can continue to honour them in this way. May they be always loved and never fogotten.
Shaun x
What an interesting and useful thread this has been. It goes to show how we all can speak openly and without criticism or downright disbelief on here.
Lyn, you are so right about overthinking. We sure do! In the words of the Meercats, ‘Keep life simples’. There are so many people with so many experiences in the psychic world for it to be anything other than true. But the whole thing has been brought into ridicule by those who find it a joke. What so many have described is Clairvoyance. (clear seeing). That is also a gift. In its simplest form it’s like a phone ringing and you know who it is before you answer. Or thinking of someone and you bump into them. Jung called this ‘synchronicity’ , a big word for ‘meaningful coincidences’. Nothing happens by chance. None of us on here are here because it’s chance. It’s all meant to be. I have made good friends on here and it has eased my burden considerably. Was it chance when I was browsing the web and just ‘happened’ to hit on this site?
Yes, there is a reason behind everything but because most of us can’t see it does not mean it’s not there. I believe our loved ones are still very much alive in a real sense. But because it’s another dimension most of us can’t relate to it. But those who can are indeed Blessed. The strange thing about all this is that ‘they’ have not gone anywhere. In our hearts and minds? Of course! But more than that. Those of you who have experienced a closeness and feel a presence should never feel that it’s something strange.
It is said that because of the barriers of disbelief and emotions it is difficult for those who have passed to communicate. I believe that to be true. Doubt colours all our thinking because we have been brought up in a world of doubt. So many of us don’t even trust our own senses. We need shift our thinking from the world and all it’s pain to that other world of peace. Of course, we are human and have human needs. But in those quiet moments of reflection when our minds are still, we may come closer to our loved ones than we can ever imagine. Love and Blessings. XX
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Thank you for your reply, we were married for 23 years and it was always roses he brought me which is my favourite flower, when we got engaged on my 21st birthday he brought me 21 red roses which I still have, our wedding anniversary is the 15th of December which is coming up which will be hard. Today I will be releasing a balloon to remember my lovely husband who was my life. Getting flowers is A lovely reminder of your mum they will help you remember your mum and they brighten up a otherwise sad time x
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Hi Jonathan,
Yes it has been interesting indeed and you put it so eloquently… Everyone is kind and speaks openly here which I like a lot. I was looking around for some time over the internet, browsing various grief websites and forums trying to find out if I was the only one feeling the way I do. I finally settled on this site and saw many posts that resonated so well with my experiences and feelings so I decided to join in. I think it has done me some good being able to express myself and not be judged, much better than keeping it all bottled up.
I started this thread because I just wanted to create a chat that was a bit more lighter than a lot of the other discussions and something that would help raise my mood. I was genuinely interested in hearing how other may be honouring their loved ones and was looking perhaps for some ideas for myself. It’s been lovely to read about some of the things others have been up to.
We almost need another thread to discuss some of the deeper stuff that has cropped up here but I’m not sure it would be called! I wouldn’t call myself spiritual as such but I am a deep thinker and I know that sometimes that gets me into emotional trouble. My mind is conflicted. I am desperate to know if my mum is still around in some way and I have even asked for some sort of sign and truly expected some sort of response. I’ve laid on her bed trying to see if I could feel her presence. Alas my logical brain says there will be no such response and that just causes my emotional side to become despairing. I know my mum lives on in me and I am her in many ways both physically and emotionally. She is after all the very reason for my existence.
There are some lovely people here and I shall continue to engage and help others through this as much as I’m able. Best wishes to all and keep up all those traditions that honour those we love most dearly… x
Hi. Shaun. I agree about cream cakes. Wow!!! I have put on weight since my wife died. I like to think it’s not comfort eating, but!!
Now in all these discussions I have not mentioned religion, neither has anyone else I don’t think. I am not talking about ritual but Spirituality. The source of the Spirit and its expression in life. I see no reason not to begin a thread about it. I will if it’s acceptable.
Those who don’t agree and are not of a like mind don’t have to read it. They are perfectly entitled to their opinions and I respect those opinions.
Folk who experience these things of a Spiritual nature can’t explain them adequately because they are of a very personal nature. Try explaining to someone who has never eaten a banana what it tastes like!
‘Those of the Spirit respond to Spritual things’. We all have this extraordinary gift, but most deny it. It’s too ‘far fetched’, too difficult to believe or understand. Have we tried? If not how do we know? Is the Earth flat? No! But for thousands of years it was common belief that if you went far enough you would fall off the edge!! There are unexplored worlds beyond our understanding.
Nothing is ever lost in nature. Things and people die and have new beginnings. The circle of life and death.
Many years ago Oxford University began a survey on those who had experienced psychic happenings, and were inundated with replies. Because it was all confidential people opened up. ‘Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened unto you’.
Take care all.
I have done a little memorial garden in my garden so days I can’t get to the Cemetery I can still go outside to say hello!
I kept the big cross from the grave also which is in the garden!
I have a memory room also! It was my husband’s favourite room so I decorated it all with a new carpet and put his medals etc in there.
I just sit in there quietly some times to remember!
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Shaun, I go over to my dad’s, and we set a, place for mum, just as we do for everyone else. We put her picture, a cracker, and later in the day, a vodka and Coke, lol. Its crazy when u think of us all toasting mum, but to us, she’s still here. I think that helps, so much
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Hi Jonathan,
I see you’ve started that thread and it has attracted some attention with some interesting stories. I’ve just eaten my first mince pie. It’s not that I’m getting into the festive spirit because I’m not - Xmas is the last thing I need at the moment - but I do like the taste of them. I am determined to get back to some better level of fitness again and the weight down a little once I get some motivation going. In the meantime, it’s more cake.
Anyway, thank you for your reply, I’ll probably hop over to your other thread so say my bit there.
Shaun
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What a wonderful story about the roses. a true gent he was. I’ve decided that I shall get some flowers in for my mum’s birthday. I’m not planning a big day and more just a small gesture. It’s on Dec 8th so not far away and I’m not looking forward to it. The first of many anniversaries to get through.
Shaun x
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Hi Emily,
That is a lovely Idea with the memorial garden. I think that must something a few people have done and probably something I’ll do too. I have an allotment so I may even create a spot there. It’s a bit too soon for me to get my head around doing it at the moment though. My mum is not in a cemetery but in a box in our house and next year we are planning to sprinkle her on her favourite island. I think that would be very fitting and somewhere we go on holiday to every year. That’s going to a very emotional time next April.
I currently have some of mum’s things on display around our house now. Much nicer than getting rid of them or putting them into a box out of sight.
Shaun
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Hi Theresa41,
Wow, I hadn’t thought of that but what an idea. This Xmas I have agreed to go away to some family in Dorset so I won’t be doing that. I don’t think I would be ready to do that this Xmas but maybe my mind could change for next year. I don’t want to ever forget my mum so she’ll always be part of my and my family’s life. That’s why I’ll keep buying the hobnobs! My mum was a bit crazy at times but I will always miss her and love her till the day I die so anything I can do to honour her, even if it’s crazy, I’ll do it.
Shaun x
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Yes he was a true gent, a romantic since the day I met him. They will be nobody like him, he was/is my soulmate, best friend and it’s very hard without him. Hope you manage to get through your mum’s birthday, be strong. Take care angie x
My goodness the bit about the roses brought back memories. We have roses in our garden and on the allotments and every year my husband picked the first one and gave it to me with a big kiss and a tokan of his love. This year it was me picking the rose and taking it to his resting place.
xxx
that’s lovely about the roses, putting a lovely rose on your love ones resting place is a lovely idea, I still have my wedding bouquet (nearly 24 years old now) which was made from artificial roses which is also a lovely reminder, I’m lucky I have my husband at home with me always as he was cremated xxx
I agree, at the moment Stan’s ashes are in a church, I am waiting for our daughter and son arranging to scatter them together.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, it’s been 13 months for me and it’s like it was yesterday, Having my husband at home with me is a comfort to me, I have had some of his ashes made into a paperweight which fits in my hand, the only advise I can give to you is all you can do is take every day as it comes, take care x