Hi everyone. I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack just over 6 months ago. I was alone with him when he collapsed and had to perform CPR to try and save him, something I had never done in my life. He was still alive when the ambulance arrived but passed away soon afterwards. I had tremendous guilt for the first few months that I didn’t save him, but have since come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t have done any more than I did. However, I have constantly relived the trauma of those moments ever since, especially through the night when I have problems sleeping. I’m on a waiting list for counselling but would appreciate hearing from anyone who’s suffered something similar, and if any coping mechanism helped? I miss him so much and am crying all the time lately - I feel it’s just getting harder 
I am sorry you find yourself here and I hope you will get some support , I have found it helpful.
My experience is different, sudden but an accident. I still have the what ifs that run around my head. Although it doesn’t make it go away knowing that the feelings are part of many people’s experience does help make me feel less alone and crazy!
Hope it helps you , take care of yourself x
Hello @Lin20 I’m no expert but it does sound like you did all that you could. You did compressions until the ambulance arrived. If the defib couldn’t restart his heart, then that’s something that no one would have been able to influence.
My mum was in your position with my dad, who had a sudden cardiac arrest at home. It must have been so awful for you and for my mum.
Can you access trauma counselling? Some people on the forum say that it’s very helpful.
Thank you for your kindness - it’s not something I can discuss with family as I don’t want to upset them, so hoping others on here will understand. I sympathise with what you’ve also had to cope with, and hope you can also find some peace of mind xx
Hi, unfortunately there is not much counselling available where I live. I am on a waiting list but it was about 26 weeks long 
I still have a way to go. I’m so sorry your mum also had to go through this… it’s so hard xx
Yes, I had a very similar experience just under 6 months ago, in bed on a normal Saturday morning. While just chatting my husband had a sudden heart attack and my attempts at CPR failed. It all happened so quickly with no warning. I still can’t get my head around it. He was so active and looking forward to going sailing that day.
Hi Lydia2, I am truly sorry to hear you’re going through the same heartbreak. It took me months to accept that maybe it wasn’t my fault he didn’t survive, but I can’t get those final moments out of my head and it is so upsetting. My thoughts are with you… hopefully time will help to ease the pain.
Similar happened to me my husband collapsed in our bedroom 9 weeks ago and although the ambulance came really quickly they couldn’t save him it was a heart attack but so sudden still can’t believe it. I just cry all the time I can’t even stay in the house at night I’m at my daughters house still can’t face going back
Pudsey, my heart goes out to you. I was in shock and numb for many weeks, and couldn’t believe it was real.
Thank you me neither don’t think I’ll ever believe it and the thought of going back to my house to stay just scares me so much
I must admit that even 6 months on, it’s still hard to take in that I’ll never see him again. I can understand your reluctance to be in your own home… we were away from home for the weekend when my husband passed so I don’t have that to face. I have found that changing things around at home has helped - even just moving furniture and buying new bedding. It sounds silly but it somehow helps me accept that it’s just me now. It is very early days for you though and you need to take things at your own pace. I took have spent nights at my daughter’s when I couldn’t face being alone. Please give yourself time… I’ve learned you can’t rush yourself through this. You just have to take a step at a time xx
I too go through my husbands last day over and over. He started to feel unwell one afternoon and died 24 hours later. Right till the end I expected him to get better. Question if I could have done more, if the hospital could have done more, questions I will never get answers . I think we both have to believe that the day will come that we will know we did our best. My son had counselling when he lost his daughter and found it helpful.
Debsie1, I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re right that some questions will never be answered - it just takes a long time to accept it. Everyone told me to stop going over and over it, but how can you? It’s with you every moment of every day
Hello i have lost my husband 6 months ago and cry everyday cannot sleep or think straight everyday is a struggle especially this time of the year.
This is such a difficult time for all of us. I don’t sleep well either, often waking full of fear. I go over and over what happened too. I think we have to when our loss is so sudden. We are trying to process the impossible. How can this be?..its just not right, it doesn’t make sense. Its almost 6 months for me too. We miss our loved ones so much. We feel lost and confused and so sad without them xx
Hello Lin so sorry for your loss. I too am trying to cope after the sudden death of my partner to cardiac arrest. You did absolutely everything you could to save him. They say in our final moments, we experience bliss and total peace. I hold on to this thought and hope our loved ones felt the same. Take care x
Thank you Katie, that means a lot, especially when you’re having to deal with the same trauma. I pray that you’re right… I hate to think that he suffered any pain. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Im so sorry you went through this, its heartbreaking.
In September i was in the same position doing cpr for my 17 year old son, my only child.He collapsed on the landing comming down stairs we were on our way to go back to the hospital as we had been the week before.I was frantically trying to save him, i too see this every day, cant sleep, and think about this every day.
I too questioned if i did all i could because he couldnt be saved.
I sleep with one of his teashirts on my pillow and i clutch that, i also hold a little yellow heart we were given in resus in the hospital.
People have suggested to put the tv on very low as back ground noise, or the radio.
Also if you cant sleep at night take time in the day to sleep if you need to.Be kind to yourself, dont expect too much from yourself each day.Do what you can, and if you cant it doesnt matter.I cry every single day & night.Im sure you did all you can, some people might not of had the courage to do what you did…
You did your absolute best, bless you x
Dear @Marymary thank you so much for your kindness, and I am truly sorry about your son. I can only imagine how devastating it must be to lose your only child in that way. I pray that in time those images in our minds will start to fade. It is still very early days for you - I am now 28 weeks in and many days it feels like it’s just happened. Take care of yourself and I hope you have support to help you through the days ahead xx
Thankyou, i have very supportive friends & family, i dont think id be here without them…and im trying to stay strong for my boy…x