Trying to adjust - Early days

I lost my soulmate 6 weeks ago, he was just 41 years old and it was all so sudden and unexpected. We have two beautiful boys ages 4 and 9 and I’m trying to stay strong for them. It seems to be getting harder not easier at the moment and Christmas isn’t helping :frowning:
Currently struggling to adjust to life without him

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I’m so sorry you’ve lost your soulmate at such a young age and when your boys are so young. It is very early days for you, so it’s important to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve as much as you need to. Many people feel that they need to ‘be strong’ for children, but it is not a bad thing if they see you crying or upset. Remember that they will learn from you, so showing your emotions teaches them that it is OK for them to be open about how they are feeling too, which will be much better for them than bottling things up.

We have some information on our website about supporting bereaved children that you might find helpful. The charity Winston’s Wish also offers lots of help and advice on supporting bereaved children.

I’m glad that you’ve found this site. There are many other people here who have lost a partner, and I’m sure some of them will be along soon to reply to your post. In the meantime, as you have mentioned finding Christmas difficult, you might also be interested to check out this list of recent conversations about Coping with Christmas: Coping with Christmas: round-up of conversations

Hi lulabella
I’m so sorry to see that you have recently lost your partner. You look very happy together in your profile photo.
I am on this side because I have struggled to come to terms with the sudden loss of my mum who was 74.
However, we lost my dad suddenly in 1998 when he was 53 and in 1997 I lost my best friend who was 36.
She had two children who were 9 and 11.
I have a 12 year old daughter who, despite losing her beloved nan, is so excited for xmas so I know I have to hold it together.
Just take things hour by hour and day by day. Keep your boys close and your love for them will help you through.
Post on here whenever you need to, it has brought alot of comfort to me during some really dark times x

Hi Lullabella, you’re right it is very early days. At six weeks I think I was still reeling from the shock. I’m a few more weeks down the track and the shock has subsided and I do feel a little stronger and certainly more able to cope. Don’t expect too much of yourself. Take things slowly and be gentle on yourself. Ask others to help when you need it. Adjusting to being without a soulmate is so hard…it’s going to take time and patience on this bumpy road. You’re not travelling it alone though…sending huge hugs and love. Liz x

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Hi. I’ve just joined. My partner of 29 years died on 23rd November 2019. He was 47… Right now I am so very brokenhearted and I can’t seem to get through more than 2 hours without breaking down into a million pieces that get scattered to the wind.
We were young when we met and we had two boys early into our relationship. They are both grown men now,the youngest being 26…but in terms of feeling your pain three times is really hard to bear. Gentle hugs

Hi rachyrach

I’m so sorry to see that you have lost your partner. 47 is too young. It must be an awful time for you. I feel so sorry for myself losing my mum and then I read posts like yours where someone much younger has died and it brings things into perspective.
I hope that you are getting the support you need from friends and family. This site is a great comfort to share feelings and worries. There is always someone around yo listen.
Cheryl x

Hi Love. Sorry you have found yourself here…but it’s a good place when you need support. It’s a good place to air your thoughts and feelings. I’m 45 and my husband died on 29th Sept. so I understand how you feel. Sending a hug, and hope you have people to help you through these tough times. Xxx

Hi Cheryl,
Thank you. I really can’t believe any of it. I have been sobbing for weeks now. But it was just a month since he passed and only one week since his funeral. Tomorrow it will have been 2 weeks.
I can’t breathe properly since. I don’t have any expectations of myself, so there’s no pressure. But it’s Christmas and you are supposed to be ‘super’ and at least try to pretend.
Wishing you well and wishing you good luck in getting through it yourself Cheryl