We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary March 30th this year, little did we know that exactly 2 months later I’d be attending my husband’s funeral after he passed away suddenly on May 19th this year. I was told on the Monday he’d got two infections which should be cleared in time for him to come home on the Wednesday to Friday of the following week, then on the Thursday afternoon I was taken into a side room and told they’d found a malignancy, he passed away on the Saturday morning 6.45 am, one and a half days after being given the bad news. He had not visited GP for over 40 years, and every test they did generated further tests. 2 years ago he was bitten by a spider in Grenada and every few months or so the symptoms reappeared, he drank pure coconut water for two days then the symptoms would vanish, the tests they did concluded the spider bite was contributory to his passing. I’m still in a glass tunnel filled with mist, the emptiness and loneliness is overwhelming. We have been together since just before my 16th birthday. I’m finding the confidence I used to have is disappeared completely in a flash. Even the simplest of decisions is very difficult. Getting used to shopping for one, sitting alone in the evening not wanting to do anything,
I have certainly found who my true friends are, and some have been very sharp with comments. Suddenly many are an experts on my bereavement, they all have their comments and bits of advice, one 'kind friend ’ even insisted that because I was questioning the point of me being here (On one of my.losest days) insisted I should phone a crisis centre and should be taking medication. Why do those who’ve never experienced the loss of a partner suddenly take it upon themselves to know more about what I’m feeling, what I should and shouldn’t be doing, even to the point that as it’s coming up for 5 months next weekend since his passing I.shoukd be getting back to everyday life Nd pulling myself together.
Grief is unique to us all and no one can say how another copes or reacts. There’s no quick fix, just nature. I believe in the spirit world and take great comfort in talking yo my husband, this has generated comments such as I should make am appointment to see a psychiatrist as in their words ‘I’m losing it and should be sectioned’. There are some very unkind people who I’m systematically removing from my for me of friends. I do have some really wonderful friends 2 of which I’ve both lost their husbands o we the past 12 months.
People ask how I am, I tell them then their reply is - he’s in a better place, you’d only have to nurse him if he was still here etc etc. I am glad he went the way he did, in not knowing, he didn’t have any symptoms of cancer or anything else really apart from the re-occurrence of the spider bite symtoms. I’m finding some are really heartless and quite upsetting with their remarks. Only last week, my sister remarked that I should go on a cruise because lots of people on their own go on cruises, this really upset me, the least little thing tends to do so at present. If only these people would just stop and tho k about what they’re saying and realise their comments are very upsetting and at times very hurtful.
The loneliness is a big battle, not seeing or speaking to another soul from one day to the next, invitations we used to have as a couple have ceased completely, usually all for the same reason… oh we didn’t think you’d want to come on your own - why do some suddenly think it’s their right to make decisions for you without even asking. I feel I’ve become an alien overnight.
