20 months on from losing my hubby and I’m desperately trying to find some meaning to my life.
I try to keep busy. Meet up with friends, go to various clubs etc, but none of it really fulfills me.
I don’t see my children and grandchildren that often as neither of them live locally and my married friends are busy with their own families.
I’ve considered moving house and starting afresh somewhere completely new but not sure I’m brave enough at the moment.
I’ve even joined an online dating site as I so miss every part of being in a loving relationship, but I’ve not yet matched with anyone and I find the whole thing very daunting as I haven’t dated anyone since I met my hubby back in the 70’s. I doubt I will match with anyone as don’t think I could ever love and trust anyone the way I did my hubby. It took four decades to build what we had together. How would I ever get that again?
We’d been together since we were teenagers and we’ve aged together.
But the thought of being on my own for the rest of my life is really scary.
Any advice welcome.
Sorry accidentally replied to wrong post!
No worries. I was wondering what the connection was 
But of course im really sorry for your loss - i had your post open because i constantly struggle with feeling my life has no meaning after losing my mum 
Aww bless you. It’s tough isn’t it? I only lost my mum a year or so before I lost my husband. Never thought I’d have lost both of my best friends and the two people in this world who loved me unconditionally within such a short time.
Oh goodness that must have been really tough losing your mum and husband so close together I dont have any partner or children and my Dad died over 20 years ago, so i feel im now totally lacking that unconditional love and i dont have anything or anyone that gives me any motivation to keep going. So im afraid i cant offer much constructive advice, especially not around dating! I also lost my job whilst caring for Mum and want to return something that feels fulfilling. Would you consider volunteering - there are so many opportunities out there - you might be able to find an opportunity for a cause thats particularly close to your heart?
Thank you. I do some volunteering, but maybe I ought to do some more in a different capacity.
I hope you manage to find a new position somewhere soon and life improves for you.
Sending hugs
Sorry for your loss
I was with my husband for over 42 years and we grow up in the same road .and went to the same school
Im very lost without him and wonder what I’m going to do with the rest off my life I really don’t like the loneliness
All I can say is try not to think to far in the future
Take care
Dont expect anybody to replace your husband … it will be a different relationshio because no two people are the same … What dating site is it ? I know exactly what you mean though ! The thought of me being by myself rest of my life scares me too ! You will get there eventually … i hope we both do !! Xx
Try to remember your grieving the biggest loss of your life.
Try not to live in the future but just one day at a time.
We’re vulnerable when we’re grieving…
Perhaps you could have company joining ladies group’s WI or do some voluntary work
I found this really helped me.
Thank you. Sending hugs to you x
Thanks Deb x
Thank you Catherine. Sending hugs to you x
This thought came into my mind this morning.
There are so many things I miss.
I know you can list so many as well.
One occurred to me this morning.
I miss the easiness, the laid back, everydayness of our life.
Our normal, retired life.
We would ask each other what we wanted to do each morning.
It was a question of doing something we liked, something we enjoyed together. It was everyday and had a comfortable easiness.
When at home, we would potter around.
It was normal and yes, taken for granted.
My husband was not ill and died suddenly and unexpectedly.
Now, that has gone.
We have all had things we have to do, all the arrangements and paperwork that seem to fill our days after a bereavement.
Now, it seems to be what SHOULD I do today to fill my time.
Laidback is no longer a word that applies.
Yes, it is all part of losing our old life.
However, this morning I started thinking of what I should do today.
Then I thought about how we would be drinking tea in bed and
then ask ‘What would you like to do today?’
So here I am, wishing for that easygoing retired life.
Thank you for letting me share. I know you understand.
I will be ok.
I will get up, see to our much loved cats and do some things to keep me busy and occupied.
Sending you hugs and love,
Rose 
xx
Hi Rose,
Always feel yr words capture perfectly the way we all feel with our loss.
Although I was with my wonderful partner for just over four years and we didn’t live together (but lived very near each other), I miss all the sort of things you described.
I miss the time of our lives.
Sending love to you and other friends on the forum.
Sending a love and hugs to you xx
I would like some of that laid-back life. Today has been a bloody nightmare so far. First of all the funeral director rang to tell me that Jeremy’s ashes have been scattered. It was what he wanted, a direct cremation, no ceremony. I thought I was ok with it, but the phone call still came as a shock. All I have is the number of the rose bed where they scattered. I will visit and stand and stare, I suppose.
Then I had to fill in some forms that came in the post. I went to the filing cabinet and the drawer I needed wouldn’t open. After much swearing and pulling I got it open enough to pull out the file. I thought that it was probably because the drawer was overloaded. I emptied the drawer, finding loads of things that made me cry. I reduced the number of folders but the drawers still don’t work. I got one of them out by pulling some little catches. Hooray, I thought, I am not such a dick after all, I thought! Unfortunately, the trick didn’t work for the other drawers. So, a total waste of time.
I am now going to go and mow the lawn, and no doubt swear some more.
What a grotty day this is. Xx
So sorry.
I understand.
We cannot predict everything that will upset us. It feels like another hard thing to deal with, another ambush of our emotions.
As for when it is more than one thing, that bombards you with so many feelings on top of all you are already feeling.
Good idea to walk away from the filing cabinet!
Don’t hurt yourself mowing the lawn 
Thinking of you and sending a huge hug 
Rose xx
Hi Willow112,
That all sounds like absolute poo.
Things like the filing cabinet would be the last straw , after hearing from the funeral director.
Well done you for persevering and getting the grass cut.
Big hugs xx
So My partner was so practical and things that frustrated me at my house were easily resolved with his wise words etc etc. I so miss him having an answer to a given problem 
.
Yes, Jeremy could fix anything. He was so patient and methodical. I am impatient, clumsy and a bit of an airhead at the best of times. And this is not the best of times. I think it’s something to do with the lock. I am going throw myself on my nephew’s mercy. He keeps saying ‘let me know if there’s anything I can do’. The next time he offers, I will take him up on it.
I just feel that I have spent the last 5 weeks since he died, and the three weeks he was unconscious in hospital before that, doing nothing. The garden, which was our hobby, looks a mess. The paperwork is never-ending and it’s getting me down. If I don’t do it, it won’t get done. So, onwards and upwards. I am not enjoying it because I can’t help thinking about how we used to do it together. But I hope that I will feel better, and get some sense of achievement when some of it is done.
That’s the theory, anyway. Xx