I know all those feelings today all i have done is cried. The postman brought mail with his name on it. Omg how much harder does this have to be. I cant get my mind to concentrate on anything the house is a mess and i think whats the point of cleaning theres only me going to see it. No one comes to see me you would never believe i have brothers and a sister i havent seen any of them , my daughter told me this is my new life and i have to adjust to it as they have lifes to live. I have not seen my son at all. I think why am i still here. If it wasnt for you lot and the smaratins last night i wouldnt be. The nights are so long. X
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I find it worse in the afternoon and evening it just seems so long till bedtime when you can’t sleep anyway . When the morning comes I think to myself what shell I do today . Trying to get though each day is so hard I’ve just been out sat in the park for ages it’s better than home where I don’t want to be anymore
I really hate the loneliness of everything you do
Take care everyone on here x
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To everyone on here going through this hell that they call grief.
I just want to send huge hugs 
I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away.
I’m tired of crying and feeling sad but can’t see a way out of it. Maybe one day …
Love to everyone
Liz x x
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Hiya Liz one minute i feel ok then i get a over whelming feeling of panic and it starts all over again. How many of you live alone? Where is everyone from? X
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Is there anyway we are ever going to feel normal again xx
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Hi Willow112,
Sorry to hear about the day you are having but in particular with your filing cabinet,I guess on another day you may well have resolved it without the sadness and pain of today.
I’m the opposite,male,retired project engineer,built my/our own home in Spain and upgraded any number here in the UK down the years,however I don’t cook or know anything about gardening as my wife was the genius in the many areas that I’m useless at so now I get the same feelings that you do but from a male perspective. It’s why in a previous post I light heartedly suggested we all move into a village together where we would cover all each others needs and yes for some even a friendly cuddle when needed.
I miss every single thing about Jacky and most of the time I’m just one thought or memory away from breaking out in tears,however the one thing I crave is to hear her voice,we only had a few weeks notice with her illness so I didn’t give much time to how things would be without her,my sole aim being to let her know that I loved her,as a psychotherapist/bereavement counsellor she knew what was coming for me and I could see the pain this caused her,we were just one person really for so many years.
So I can relate to your feelings and certainly sympathise,I can and do hope that things improve however briefly.
Most filing cabinets by the way tend to have anti tilt devices inbuilt,prevents you opening more than one drawer for safety reasons,if the anti tilt becomes confused sometimes what you experienced can happen,the lock can sometimes also play up.
Hope you find some respite from your pain,you are in my thoughts.
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Widoworld would be good, wouldn’t it? Or a commune somewhere, we could all do what we are good at and hope someone else would do what we are not good at.
My husband was a civil engineer and then an IT Instructor at a college, so he was the practical one. He took care of the house, car, finances and computing. I was more than happy to sit back and let him. That was a mistake because now I feel cut adrift. He had a cardiac arrest, so no time to prepare or even to say goodbye.
Thanks for the tips about the filing cabinet. How do you un-confuse a drawer though? I will have a scout around and see if I can find a key. Maybe try locking and locking it. Or just find a sledgehammer and beat it into submission.
I hope things pick up for you and you find some peace.
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I’m having one of those times.
For the last couple of hours, so much seems to be triggering memories and tears.
Hopefully, it will stop soon.
Love and hugs to everyone .
Rose 
xx
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@Willow112 someone drove into my car the other day, exactly 12 months after my colleague wrote off my previous one, exactly 6 months after Nigel left…
I must have like a lunatic punching, kicking and swearing at a hedge but it felt soooo good… 
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Its so hard like you Willow Gra was the practical one bills car etc, i sat back and left it all to him , i was happy cleaning cooking etc, making our house a home. It doesnt feel like that now. X
Ohno scubadolly why does it seem like if anything is going to go wrong it does. X
Oh Rose
I’m sorry you’re feeling down at the moment.
So many things trigger us don’t they.
Hopefully you will find some peace soon
Thinking of you
Take care
Love and hugs.
@jevncute absolutely everything becomes a trial… even opening a jar of jam!
That nearly went in the bin… 
but then I remembered the trick is to break the seal, so breakfast wasn’t entirely spoiled, just my humour!
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Your post resonated with me because I can’t concentrate on anything either. Something as simple as seeing his name causes floods of tears and I get in such a panic.
Rose garden it’s awful when the grief keeps going on without a break. My ribs hurt from sobbing so much.
Does anyone else feel out of control?
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Sending a very big hug xx
Hi. Thanks for the post. Yes, I’m much the same - useless in the kirchen. Staple diet is microwaved fish and… but i have started to decorate the house. Started gardening too. Reading posts here seem to help. Im new to the group and a bit unsure of what to write other than there is now an unfathomable hole in my life. Miss her so much everyday even though its now 6 months ago.
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As usual, I’ve been awake since 4am with the birds, SO tired of it, and it makes my mood low and I have no energy. So, today I took the dog out, then did absolutely nothing else but cry, lie on the sofa and watch tv. I’m planning a new business venture which should be exciting, but now thinking what’s the point? Steve would have joined me in it but he isn’t here any more. A day wiped out, tomorrow will be better.
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Big, big hug xx
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Yes @SadGirlfriend tomorrow will be better.
We’re all having bad days . Me too today (18 weeks today).
But we’re all trying to pick ourselves up and carry on.
With the love and support we get on here I’m sure we’ll make it.
Eventually.
Sending you big hugs x
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