I know how you feel, 8 weeks and I can’t do anything. Can’t even considering moving his things. I have good support but have real anxiety all the time which is not normal for me at all
I don’t thing very helpful but at least we are not alone in feeling this way xx
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Lost20248 8 weeks is such early days. You don’t need to do anything. I’m 24 weeks in and just functioning some days. Like you I lost my partner suddenly. You are probably still in shock.
I used to be organised and competent, but now the slightest thing throws me and I find it difficult to make decisions, which never used to happen.
Just look after yourself and try and eat something and rest when you can. The rest of the world will still be there when you are ready.
Sending a big hug x
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No visitors today. It’s good as I kinda want to be alone this weekend. I am going to the grocery store, the hardware store, and the pharmacy then calling it a day. Tired of talking, threw away the dying flowers. Will start the thank you notes on Sunday after church. It is 17 days snice my husband died, the longest we have been apart in our life together. We retired young and have spent the last 24 years together, 24/7/365. Of course, he would sometimes go for a long weekend fishing (his favorite thing to do) and there have been some trips we have taken separately (pilgrimages and hunting), but never more than 7 days. Seems like yesterday and then forever too.
The holidays can just pass me by. Normally, we would spend them with friends and family, but this year? - nah. I think I will feel worse around lots of happy couples and their kids/grandkids. We had no children, it was always just us. So, perhaps a quiet and prayer filled season is in order without celebration.
Still not crying. I haven’t cried since the funeral. Years ago, my client was brutally attacked in her home by an intruder. She never cried. I called a trusted therapist and asked him why she was so stoic. He told me - repressed emotion that will rear up later. It did. So, I guess this is me now.
I hope all of you have a better day than the one before.
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Thank you! Eating and sleeping are hard at the minute, trying calms tonight to see if it helps 
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Lost, Honey you will sleep again. I am getting about 5 hours and usually sleep 8. Adjusting. Eating - make it easy. Have boiled eggs, cheeses, deli meats, crackers and fruit on hand and just make yourself eat a nibble a few times a day. Make a nice, fresh, big salad and nibble. My friends, at my urging, tried Relaxium and it has done wonders for their sleep. Maybe try it. Amazon. Peace be with you.
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Carly, my husband’s funeral was on my 69th birthday. I am there with you. Feel young, but mirrors say otherwise. I am going to make it and so will you. Peace be with you.
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I was like that in the very early days but now I sleep for 8 hours. The continual grief becomes exhausting and drains you, without you realising it.
I hope you have a restful night ( and if not there’s always someone on this chat even in the early hours) x
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My husband passed away on 1st October and I am with you on all your thoughts. His was a very short illness (a week) and I’ve been wandering around in a surreal dream. His funeral isn’t until 28th and I feel I am in limbo, finding it difficult to cry same as you.
I’m also manically cleaning which is always something I’ve done when I’m upset, I have two grown up sons and we are supporting each other. I can’t see the joy in anything and I’m hoping that eventually that will pass. It also gives me comfort to look at photos of him and footage from our security camera strangely. I’m not even thinking about his things at the moment although the boys have said what they would like (his watch etc). I’m just hoping that I will know when the time is right
All the best you are not alone
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Jaybee, I am so sorry that you husband passed away. You are exactly where I am, it is surreal and numbing to suddenly find that you are a widow. Limbo is a good word for it all. Not crying, cleaning like a crazy person, wandering in circles - right there with you.
As far as letting things go, well it is really early - so take it easy. I have given some things away as promised. Throwing trash away - my husband’s office is his organized mess. Making a pile of clothing for the local homeless shelter for men.
Yesterday was the first day I didn’t get any visitors. The solitude was kind of peaceful as I could be alone in my thoughts and prayers. Very tired of talking about it all.
For me, the funeral was an end. It was a week ago today. All the planning, the prep, the decisions, were over and it was both a tragedy and a relief.
The flowers are dying, so today they will go to the trash bin. Another milestone.
Still can not believe it all. I stay busy with tedious nonsense because if I think about him being gone forever, I get feverish, nauseous and weak in my legs. Trying to maintain my sanity and be strong as I work through this most miserable time.
May peace be upon you. We will all survive and find life again.
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Jaybee1 you are doing fine. How you are feeling is normal. I also felt in limbo and we were all dreading the funeral but it was actually not a terrible event. It doesn’t give closure but is a step to move on from. I still look at photos regularly and six months on I surprise myself with how I am coping and doing things. My husband always encouraged me to go for it so I hope he is proud of what I have achieved (two solo holidays and joining a choir) and is still encouraging and watching me from above. One day at a time and be kind to yourself xx
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Thank you PeachesDixon, thats a great name 
.
Been very anxious this last couple of days, got a pulsating nerve in my upper lip, had to google it , anxiety again , it says it can be brought on by stress 
and to get plenty of rest among other things which were quite scary , so stopped reading .
So hard, all of this💔.
Yes, hopefully ,we will make it 
.
Take care 
.
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Today, I changed the big coffee pot for the small one. My husband drank a lot of coffee in big mugs, but I don’t need to make so much anymore. It looks so sad, lonely and tiny. Kinda like I feel. Gut punch reminder that everything has changed.
My second day alone and it feels right. I need to be alone. Visitors stress me out with conversation and I am tired of saying “I’m okay”. I am settling in to my house and purging.
When the purge is done and the repairs are finished, I am going on a long vacation even if I have to go alone in a tour group. There must be something to look forward to in life or we just wither away.
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What is it with the cleaning?
I can spend all day happily doing gardening. Always did, it is my solace. Cleaning, I hate.
Yet I found myself cleaning the oven. I was so determined to get every bit of it looking like new. In the end I got a toothbrush to clean the fiddly bits. My son turned up, I was lying on the floor with my head in the open oven, toothbrush in hand.
You can only guess his immediate reaction!
I don’t bother using the oven anymore. I have discovered the air fryer.
Happy days-ish.
Xx
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Willow, I don’t know, but I have spent the last week cleaning the house, bit by bit and clearing dead things from the yard. Maniacal.
At times, like today, I want to remove everything from the house and start new - change the whole house so I won’t be living in the house we built together. Probably anger is the underlying cause. I don’t know. Other times, I look around and remember every moment of every item. They are my memories too.
Do I want to live in a museum of my history, or shed the past and start anew? Why am I even thinking of this when it isn’t even 3 weeks? I feel a need to DO something all day and the thoughts fly around in my head, then I come here to rest.
The enormity of it all is overwhelming. I am just treading water, the waves are pushing me.
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Same here, Peaches.
I have changed some things to make life easier and more efficient for me.
I also sleep on his side of the bed, it’s less painful waking up and seeing where I used to sleep, rather than an empty space where he slept.
I think we clean and change things around maniacally in order to keep busy and stop ourselves from thinking.
It gives us a sense of purpose when we feel the real purpose of living has gone.
Ouch! Being philosophical doesn’t suit me.
Life sucks at the moment, that’s all I know!
It will get better.
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I wake in the morning, the kitchen is still clean. The toilet seats stay down. The television isn’t on 24/7/365. I have only run the dishwasher once in a week. These are very telling signs and it is surreal that such small changes in the norm bring reality home - hard.
We adopted a puppy 5 months ago and he slept downstairs in his kennel, now he is in my bed - something I swore I would never allow. I sleep in the middle of the bed now. It doesn’t seem so empty this way.
Today I start the paperwork shuffle. I will approach my husband’s office with trepidation as I know is will be soul crushing to see his office clean and organized when I finish.
Soldier on.
Fall weather is coming and cool crisp air makes me sad as he is not here to enjoy it with me.
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I put the summer stuff away. It was not used this year. We got it out, ready for the summer, and then he died.
One of the most painful things was down to my own confused mental state. Supermarket shopping, I put it all in the boot, took the trolley back, and then climbed into the front passenger seat, waiting for him to start the engine.
There was a man sitting in his van next to me, eating his lunch. He stared at me when I had to get out of the car, walk round to the driver’s seat, and promptly burst into tears.
We’ll get there. I don’t know where ‘there’ is yet.
But we will, all of us.
Xx
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You have an all electric house. Putting your head in the is useless.
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I went to the supermarket for a short trip and it struck hard that I wasn’t picking up things my husband liked to eat and drink.
So many changes, large and small.
My finance guy just called to tell me that I need to change the beneficiary on my accounts. I hadn’t even thought about this. One more thing.
I finally got to my husband’s office. So much stuff. Two large bins of stuff for the curb. Found some documents related to his family. Invited his sister to come for dinner (albeit pretty basic) and gave her all that I found so far. We had a nice visit and my heart hurts for her too.
My husband was a hunter so much of it will go to other hunters. He was also an avid fisherman and some of that gear has gone to other fishermen. The music stuff is with other players.
My Sweetheart was also a bit of a “keeper” in that he kept things that were of no use whatsoever. All went to the bin.
Although I am one day behind the schedule I made for myself, I am doing alright.
Paperwork tomorrow. I tried tonight, but couldn’t.
22 days. I still can not really believe this. I am still numb, still without any emotion whatsoever. Flat. Just flat.
But, I got a jury summons, so there is that to look towards.
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