My husband was also a ‘keeper’ and I just keep shutting the door on his office, there are hundreds of magazines which I just don’t know what to do with !
I know I need to sort things out and wish I could , I was always telling him to sort it and he had started , we were thinking about moving, and that makes it harder somehow. My sister is a real support but I can feel she is thinking I should just get things sorted. I just can’t seem to find any motivation to do anything.
It is still so early for you and i am 8 weeks so I guess we just need to do what we can
Hugs x
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Lost20248 I am 25 weeks in and apart from probate, I haven’t done anything else.
I started to try and sort things last week and found myself unable to make a decision about what to keep and what to let go. I decided that was a sign that I wasn’t ready to do it yet. There’s no rush. If they were still with us we wouldn’t move anything. Also I still feel that if I throw things away, I am losing him all over again.
I’m not making a shrine, but just not pressuring myself to do anything that actually isn’t that important.
Take care x
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I totally feel what you say about loosing him again. He always picked up the washing tabs when he went to Costco and I used the last tab he brought and sobbed about throwing the packet! I can’t even imagine moving his things at the minute , you are so right to just do the important.
He had organised to have windows replaced, they are needed and my sister persuaded me to let them come but dreading it!
Sending a hug x
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Go ahead with the windows. It’s what you had planned together. I had exactly the same situation, as in March we had agreed with the builder to have a new roof in summer. 3 weeks later my beloved partner passed away suddenly whilst we were on holiday.
The builders turned up in August and everyone said how brave it was of me to go ahead. I just took the view that it wasn’t me laying the tiles and climbing the scaffolding! The situation wouldn’t have been any different if my partner had still been alive!
I think you’ll be pleased with the windows as you are doing something your partner wanted. You’ll have completed it on his behalf. Go for it! x
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Thank you! I am luck to have my sister who is going to come and stay the week they are doing the work. I feel like I have become a different person! So anxious which I have never been, even after other significant loses.
Your message and support is really helpful xx
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All N’s things are still where they’ve always been, apart from the car, as I didn’t need two.
I’ve tried sorting through stuff but then I put it all back…
It’s been 10 months, I guess I’ll know when the time is right, as will you!
And i think if you’re asking the question, it’s perhaps not the right time just yet.
x
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Yes , too early and too hard
Thank you x
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Think you may need to nip back to Costco and stock up on tea and coffee if you have the builders in! 
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My hubby passed 2 weeks ago,i have managed some of L things but his wardrobe is a no no at the minute.
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Lost, it is a hard chore indeed, however, I did not find it difficult to throw away the useless things. I can’t walk into his closet yet, but the closed door keeps it out of my mind.
When I am overwhelmed, I make a list of 5 things to accomplish and then do them. Been handling massive tasks this way for a long time. Try it. Throw away 5 magazines a day, etc. Mountains become mole hills this way.
Peace.
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Yes very true 
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That is a good idea , going to try that x
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I do a to do list everyday too. It’s the only way I get anything done, otherwise I spend all day in a trance going over everything that’s happened which doesn’t do me any good at all. Take care everyone xxx
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I have to live by my list now. There is no one to remind me what is going on for the day!
Another 2 big bins of rubbish on the curb with an old end table, the keyboard for which we haven’t had a plug for 25 years, a once gorgeous leather rolling trial case that was moldy, a rickety stool.
The shredders are getting the bank statements and financial records from 1966 (yes, I wrote 1966) to present and all but the last 10 years of tax returns.
There are some nasty goings on around all the kept stuff. like cobwebs and dead bugs. Eww. It is amazing how much floor space is really in his office when all the piles are sorted and gone. I never asked why he kept it all, it was just his quirky thing.
I made great progress today. Very little sleep, living on strong coffee.
Here is a tip for those of you who are not eating because cooking is so awful for one right now and you have no appetite. Boil a dozen eggs keep them in the fridge and eat 2 a day. Keep a big, green and delicious salad in the fridge. Make a chicken or tuna salad. Buy already chopped fruit. Have readily available food to grab from the fridge. Keep your nutrition up with small and easy meals.
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Well done that is an achievement !
I will have to start to sort , it’s so hard to do.
I think it’s harder as I’m not sleeping and not hungry at all.
Your post has inspired my to at least try to eat better
x
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Well done you,i’m taking the bull by the horns and taking some of L’s things to the charity shop.
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Lost, it is hard to start the process. I suggest The Rule of Fives to get started. Just decide on 5 things as to whether they are “keep”, “donate” or “toss”.
Toss the “toss:”, put the “donate” in the car trunk (boot) and move on to the next five things. When it is overwhelming, walk away for an hour or so.
Just don’t inadvertently lock the file cabinet without knowing where the key is. Yep, I did that. May have to call a locksmith - again.
Baby steps.
PS - someone grabbed the trial bag (yay!) and the water cooler from my garbage truck pile. I gave my husband that bag for a gift years ago - it was $500. Now, someone else will use it. All good.
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Another giant bin of junk out and 3 giant boxes to be shredded on Thursday.
I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but am afraid it is an oncoming train.
Today, i realized that the a/c has been leaking into the carpet and it grew mold under the piles. So, that needs to come out. And, there is wall damage. Yay!
Haven’t been in that room for 12 years. It shows.
Almost completely organized paperwork. Almost, there is that file cabinet thing.
Slept until 11:30am. This sorting is mentally and physically exhausting and emotionally draining.
It all has to go, but it feels like my husband is being erased. This is hardly the truth the house was designed for him. But, logically, there is no reason to keep all this meaningless stuff - not just his, mine too. I will be to old and beat up to purge if I wait too long and while I have to do it for one of us, I may as well to it for us both.
Monumental task. Will require hired help.
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For the first 6 weeks I cleaned and sorted. I was very robotic. I ate enought to keep me going. I was exhausted! Then the tiredness and grief really hit me. I was bereft. I was consumed by sadness and loss. I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone, I still don’t. I am at 13 weeks now and I can’t hold the tears back. I don’t feel anything like my former self. Take care of yourself. Hugs
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I am right there with you x
I am trying to be gentle with myself and follow @PeachesDixon advice to have 5 things to do. I am making them very small things at the minute as that’s all I can do.
Sending a hug and strength xx
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