Ktg, it must have helped for you to understand what happened. I wish someone would explain it to me. I spoke to the doctor who treated him but to hear an independent assessment would give me a lot of peace. I still can’t comprehend what happened. A doctor would not say anything that would put them in a bad light.
At least it is now all behind you.
I have felt poorly all day. Tummy is having a flare up again. Feeling so drained. GD is also poorly. It may be her injections she had last week. Need an early night.
Phil, that must have been hard on you. Mary too had double pneumonia and possibly sepsis, as the ambulance crew said she had at least three of the symptoms, and then she had a stroke a week later. My children were with her to the end but I couldn’t be as I had an errand to run for her, that was vitally important to her, and she chose that time to slip away. We must not continue to feel guilty though, we did our best, there was nothing more we could do for them. How hard is that though? Take care and believe we did the right thing.
Because my wife died so quickly, The A&E consultant said a catastrophic event, there had to be an autopsy and a coroner. The coroner was very good and explained what happened to me and told me there was nothing that either I or the hospital could have done. It does help a little with the guilt. But I should have gone with her in the ambulance I might have been some comfort to her…
KtG, well done on getting through what must have been a huge ordeal. What you said about guilt might just help those of us with similar feelings. I think guilt is a natural thing to feel, but as you’ve found we shouldn’t take that on board. That is also interesting about the DNR decisions. I am pretty sure the doctors had made that decision about Mary, before talking to us about it. But as it was it was the right decision. Gosh - that’s hard to write down!
Thank you for sharing your experience today with us all.
I am now totally lost .i am definitely gonna try and find some bereavement groups.
As we all know it is horrible i think one of the worst things getting out then coming back to ah empty house.
Also getting no phones calls,no text,no whats app . Nothing it is like i do not exist anymore. Some nights i can’t cope . Some nights i am really good xxx
Rob, not only did I not go in the ambulance, I sent my two daughters, I didn’t even feel it was necessary to rush to the hospital after the ambulance. I didn’t go over until they told me what was happening. Then when she was admitted, it ended up with 12 of us there at once! One extreme to the other.
We all make decisions based on what we know at the time. "If only … " - we don’t have 20/20 hindsight. Mary always said we don’t make wrong decisions when we use the knowledge we have to make those decisions.
Ktg what a difficult day you must have had i hope you at least had some answers to what happened i know it changes nothing but hopefully it has clarified what happened x
Dave i think you should look into joining a club or maybe look to see if you could volunteer at hospital or charity shop being on your own is so lonely a new interest would help you meet new people and maybe new friends nothing will stop you missing maria but it might give you a purpose in life something to get up and go out to xx
Been busy all day, that’s how I get through the days, but nighttime is a different matter, just long for a cuddle with Mark.
I hope you had a good day xx
As you say it’s the nite time which is worse than the day .day time is horrible but nite time is double horrible. Xxxx.
I just miss my maria ,somedays i just can not cope crying my eyes.until they are sore. Xxx
Thank you KtG but you had way more on your mind today and so glad you got through it, it must have been a hard thing going over it all again, you are very brave I cannot imagine myself doing that xxx
It’s been a long and lovely day, but talking with my friends for 5 hours mostly about our families and Mary, has worn me out. I’ve got the dentist (three small fillings) and the hygienist in the morning, so I think it’s time to climb the wooden hill!
So night night, and I hope we all have a good sleep tonight. Yes Flints a cuddle with Mary would be nice for me. All I’ve got to cuddle is Aggie the dressmakers dummy! She’s not very responsive!
Thanks Dave, Ive had a nice day but always tinged with sadness, but the tears I shed in the morning were the only ones today, my family are good at distraction and it was a happy evening xxx
Goodnight Nigel, its nice you had a good catchup with friends and thank you for toasting my birthday, I had a nice day & evening and survived without tears other than first thing this morning on my own, I would say thats progress and proof I am coping better, next step is the 2nd anniversary of losing him on May 1st, I still cant believe its been 2 yrs when in my head it still feels like yesterday xxx
Goodnight, I am glad that you had a good time with your friends.
I have not found myself able to meet up with friends yet, but maybe soon.
Have a good sleep xx
But you wont be totally on your own on your birthday Dave you will have all of us on here to talk too xxx
Saying that I am sure members of your family will be wishing you a happy birthday too, wait and see, I bet you will be surprised xxx
. Some nights i am really good xxx
She’s not very responsive!