I am so sorry about your son. We don’t need an inquest, the problem I have is the hospital not giving him any appointments until it was too late. Sending love xx
4 Likes
So sorry for your loss, you are in the rawness of grief and all you can do is take it second by second and minute by minute. You can’t rush grief.
I lost my youngest son at 27 nearly two years ago, sudden Arythmia, was such a shock, I still think it isn’t true but he’s always with me in my heart, such special memories make me smile every day and everything reminds me of him.
Look at photos,
Cry many rivers and give yourself time. Sending special strength.
4 Likes
Thank you. Your words are so wise and comforting 
Today a parcel turned up for Matthew. He ordered the new Nintendo switch the day before he passed away. He was so excited when he put the order in and was always so excited when his new technology turned up, I can just imagine what he would be doing now showing me all the cool things the new switch can do and I have been in tears all day since the parcel arrived as it hits you slap in the face that he will never do that now with this with me again 
4 Likes
Oh jen i understand how you feel its heartbreaking .im so sorry that must of been hard . What will you do with it. Thats like my sam he passed a month after his birthday .his brand new iphone still in the box . Its awfull .i know we all say it you are in trauma but in time it wont be such a horrendous pain in your chest when you wake .you go around thinking it cant be real your body cant stay in that terrible way . Have you asked doctor for help just for now xx
3 Likes
Hi Zoe. Saw dr yesterday he has prescribed beta blockers to bring my level of anxiety and panic down but I am not sure whether to take them as they look like they have side effects? My heart is skipping constantly from this panic, how can my normal life go from being so happy with my husband and 2 sons to being so empty. I feel so alone and so upset that this is so unfair on Matthew, that none of our children should have been taken from us, sleep is evading me, i just want this pain to end but i know it won’t and it will be with me until the day i die. I am lost without my baby who was just the most gentle non judgmental soul. Late nights are always the worst as he lived an upside down life. Waking about 1-2pm and then chilling with me and my husband after work at dinner time until about 9pm when he went online to play games with his mates. So gentle. Just happy being with his mum and dad at home where he felt safe and loved. I am lost and miss him so so very much.
3 Likes
He sounds like my sam he was safe at home he never really went out only round corner to his sister jess and her three children a kind gentle giant my best friend . I know how your feeling .i take beta blocker for fast heart …slows you down but .didnt he give you sleeping tabs jen it wont always feel this awful sending you big hugs xx
2 Likes
Sending hugs 
2 Likes
Hi lisa, my gp is wonderful he “gets me” he understands me. I have massive meltdowns, its fathers day next week and he was wonderful father to his son aged 3 and daughter aged 6. Its not fair, i feel stuck in time. The pain of missing him is so intense. There are no groups near me, i long to talk about him but i have only his partner and shes struggling too. I wish i lived closer to some of you ladies. This nightmare is never ending i long for my son so much. Im not the same person he knew i look older and bags under my eyes with crying so much 
3 Likes
Hi @Mum89 , you are fortunate to have a GP that knows you. I have never seen the same one. My Sam has 2 children too, the eldest was 1 and the other- his wife was pregnant at the time so Sam never got to meet his baby girl. I’ve been with them most days and nights and with my daughter in law. Our grief is very different and I feel so guilty that I’m there and Sam isn’t. It’s so wrong, isn’t it. I know what you mean about being so different now, I’m a shell of myself, I’m lost in this world. Where are you based? Sending love xx
3 Likes
Hi lisa, oh its so sad those little babies 
yes their grief is so different. Like you i try to be there for toms partner but im lost myself. I know he’d want me to help her but he used to help me, he worrief about me so much, he was always there for me and i cant get my head around he isnt there now
I am in sleaford lincolnshire whereabouts are you? Xx
3 Likes
Your Tom sounds like my Sam, he always looked after me and protected me. I’m the same, I know Sam would want me to help with his babies and I am, but the pain is so hard. I’m so grateful I have them but they should be with their Daddy not Nanny. I’m in Wiltshire. X
3 Likes
I know exactly how you feel. Since j retired 2 years ago, early due to mobility issues, my son was so good to me, he decorated, carried shopping and rang or text every day to check in. I miss hwarjng his voice, reading his messages and havjng a big hug. Tom was a big lad, a gentle giant but made me feel safe. I try to help my daughter in law but im hurting too. Its a different love, a mother and son have a special love between them and even at 35 he admitted he was mummys boy bless him. I feel angry when i wake up as i long to be with him so much xx
4 Likes
Same relationship with my Hol. She had additional needs, they paled into insignificance tho as she had the best laugh, love of life. Her daily goal seemed to want to make people laugh and smile. Whenever she was out she would see something in a charity shop, think Iit was amazing and buy it for ’ mymum’ . I was just mum, always mymum. It’s a year today and the emptiness inside of me is crushing me. I miss every single element of her wonderful life. Actually the word ‘miss’ is not enough to describe this void x
5 Likes
Hi so sorry anniversarys all dates are the worse . Im not saying it gets easier but you learn to cope a bit better …the dread when you wake the pain in your chest your body cant cope with that forever .you get better memories not all the bad bit when it happened . you learn to cope a little better baby steps sending you a big hug remember our babies are safe this world to good for them. No pain ,no hate there dancing with the angels xxx:heart:
4 Likes
Im just off to doctors who is going through coroners report again with me. 24 weeks on i still blame mystlf, could i have done anything?
I feel so guilty right now we are supposed to look after our babies and i feel i let my son down. All these intrusive thoughts go round and round. I love him so much i just cant see a life without him in it.
My whole world just collapsed that day . “Miss” isnt a strong enough word at all. xx
6 Likes
Letty. Thinking about you as another week has passed without our youngest sons. I know I am still crying everyday and struggling to make sense of anything. I am exhausted with the grief and grieving. We still don’t have any answers and to be honest I am not strong enough yet to receive the news. Father’s Day today has been so sad. My husband is bottling everything up and saying he is ok but I can see in his eyes that he’s not the same person he was. His funny lovely self died with our son as did a huge piece of me. Our eldest is trying to be strong too but I can see he has lost his spark and of course I am so worried about him as I have been telling him he needs to request a full health scan and also not to overdo things but he hasn’t arranged that as yet. Sending huge love and strength to all on here
2 Likes
Jen35w
You have just described everything that we are going through to a tee. We are struggling to get through each day but to be honest, I feel that there is no point. There is no joy to be found in anything that we do. My beautiful son is in my thoughts every second of every day. I try to keep busy but no matter what I do, I just cry continuously. And the physical pain of grieving is immense. My chest and back ache and I feel exhausted, like you , from grieving. I never truly understood what feeling bereft felt like until now. I miss my lovely, funny, clever, exceptional son so much. I just don’t know how we are going to carry on with our lives without him. We also haven’t found out exactly what the cause of death is but to be honest, it doesn’t really matter. Nothing is going to bring him back.
Thank you for keeping in touch. It helps to share I feel. Although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
Sending you strength and love to get through this
3 Likes
Please,please. I want to scream and cry with you. I do it every morning. Just let it out. If someone gave this advice a year ago, I’d of said. F…… no one really understands unless you’re a mom who gives birth.(Dads. ). Hide their feelings, well in my case he does, which back to grieving alone. That’s why counciing helps a little bit, but never fully.
4 Likes
Every second of every day. I am thinking about my son and how much I miss him and long to talk to him, to hold him and to hear his voice. Tears come all the time and I am struggling to get to sleep. I spent 2 hours sobbing on the sofa last night until 2 am as my husband gets so upset if I cry bear him he doesn’t know what to do so I keep the tears away from him. I am so broken and in so much pain to the depth of my core. I find the nights so so tough. I think I maybe getting 2-3 hours sleep each night am which is more than I was getting. The panic attacks and heightened state of anxiety persist. I am functioning at the moment and concentrating on getting dressed and being busy. My work have been incredible but I know that is another hurdle I will need to face soon. I am not sure I will ever have that strength and focus to work again although I need to pay our bills and mortgage but nothing matters. Everything I have ever done has been for my little family and now that it’s broken it all seems so pointless. I know I have to continue for my eldest son and husband but at the moment I just do not seem to have the strength to get through this and believe me I have had a lot to deal with in my life so am very resilient but this one, I know I will never be the same person I was. I am sure any person who has lost a child loses a huge part of themselves when their child dies. What we need to figure out is who are we now and I don’t know who I am without my 2 sons. They weee my world and that world is so broken and it can never be fixed. Gosh I just want to hold my son and hear his voice and see him again. I have been having a lot of flashbacks constantly to when we found him and in the last week I am beginning to have flashbacks from his funeral, which are new memories beginning to flood into my head. How do we get through this physical intense pain and mental exhaustion from so many torturous vivid flashbacks. Just broken
3 Likes
Jen35w
Nothing that I can say will help right now. Our lives have changed forever. I only hope we get to a stage where we can sleep a bit better and function during the day without breaking down in tears. We will never forget our boys. I’m just scared that eventually I won’t be able to see his beautiful face or hear his amazing laugh in my head. It’s so hard to believe I won’t get one of his amazing hugs ever again in this life. I’m just hoping that there is an afterlife and we will meet up again.
Sending you my love xxx
4 Likes