How are the rest of the family holding up Letty and everyone else ?
Hi Jen
My husband is trying to put a brave face on but he is like me, he cries every day, not as much as me but he still cries. My 32 year old daughter is struggling. She tries not to show it in front of us, but she let it slip that she had had a really bad day on Thursday. She’s going to counselling and has a really good bunch of friends who have been really supportive. My other son, he’s 26, says he’s ok, but he breaks down at his girlfriend’s house. He tries to hide it from us. I think they think that they are protecting us. I actually feel the more isolated though. Grief definitely is more isolating than most people realise. You just don’t want to go anywhere or do anything even when friends invite you. It gets to be that they stop asking and you really feel alone then. Let’s face it, most people don’t want to hear about your dead son all the time but your son is all you want to talk about. Everything reminds you of him and you just want to share that memory. They don’t realise that memories are all we have and we just want to cherish them.
Have you got any support Jen ?
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One of the smaller things I found that helps a little is this. I was getting awful flashbacks, random images, like a slide show that had got mixed up, all in the wrong order, upside down, all in a very fast image after image. My counsellor suggested writing down the images I was seeing and placing them in a time order as apparently your brain can filter and sort the more painful images into a kind of order. Initially these were all around Hollies illness, procedures, the day itself, the funeral etc etc . In a very strange way I felt a little calmer sorting my thoughts into a logical (?) order. Now when I can feel that big black cloud descending I try to put in order happier times , the laughs, the fun ( lord but I do so miss laughing with her) . It might help, much love
Jacqui
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Thanks Jacqui. I’ll definitely try that. I’m hoping that memories of the funeral service will come back to me. My brain has blocked out quite a bit of it.
Thanks all I don’t think I am ready to try writing things down. I do have a photographic memory so can generally remember things that way. Which in these circumstances is obviously horrific. I want to scream most of the time but haven’t given in to that yet as I know if I do I probably will never stop. At the moment I am just trying to get through each day by getting up and getting dressed until it’s bedtime. Although sleep never comes. I don’t know how I will be able to work again but that I will have to do at some point and I just don’t see the point in working as my reason for living and working has always just been my 2 boys and husband to give them the most amazing life as I possibly could and that I never had growing up as my dad died when I was four. I am so broken just finding each day so so hard, I do find some strength with you all on here as you sadly know the right things to say and we are living in the same broken world so I don’t feel so alone with this community by my side
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