My partner died yesterday after a short illness, I just took it for granted that he would get better and come home. He was due to retire next year and we were making plans. He was going to buy a camper van and we were going to travel around Scotland. The pain I am feeling right now is unbearable, I don’t know how I can carry on
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Elizabeth, So sorry, you are in shock, just one step at a time, The people on this site are going through this painful journey and will understand you. People who have not been through this do not understand the grief you are suffering. Be kind to yourself. Do not forget to eat and drink. Come on here for a chat or a ramble, My Darling wife Elizabeth left me in April 2024. I found this site helpful. You can get an appointment with your GP if things are really upsetting you. Wish I could give you a big hug like a brother.
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So sorry to read your sad news , and thank you for your kind words. It is comforting to connect with someone who is going through the same pain. I just want him back , and I can’t stop crying .
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So sorry @Elizabeth14 . My husband collapsed and died in front of me in the street, no warning whatsoever. We had both taken early retirement and had so many plans. Those first days and weeks were awful. I can’t remember much about them to be honest, just total shock and disbelief. I am now nearly 5 months in, and although there are tears most days, some days are okish.I don’t think ahead, it scares me, am just turned 60 and been with him since I was 17.I also wish I could give you a big hug. Xxx
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Thank you for your kind words. I just cannot understand how life can change so quickly. He was first taken ill in March , and prescribed steroids, but these weakened his immune system, and he developed pneumocystis pneumonia. He was ventilated 3 weeks ago, even then I believed he would just get better . We were looking forward to our future together, but this has been taken away, now I feel unbearable grief.
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You are very brave to come here so soon@ Elizabeth14. I offer my sincere condolences for your loss. My wife passed on 22 April and I can only express my understanding of what you are feeling. It is horrible but we are here to give whatever solace we can to each other. Take care of yourself.
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I know you do Elizabeth me too. My husband bought me 60 presents for my 60th birthday on Christmas day.2 weeks later he was gone I still can’t get my head around it. It is so very early for you, you are in utter shock. Maybe contact your doctor or even phone the Samaritans for a chat.I haven’t yet but I still might. I have great family but no one knows the despair you feel when in our situation. I am still here 5 months later. In one way I am glad it was him and not me. I wouldn’t want him to feel like this. Am so sorry xxxx
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@Elizabeth14
I am so sorry for your loss.
It’s a terrible time and after just one day I doubt you will have processed what has happened.
You must try and look after yourself especially keeping your fluid intake up.
No one can help or tell you how to cope, it’s a horrible journey we are all on and each one of us grieve differently.
It’s 13 weeks since I lost John suddenly and even though I cry everyday it has eased for me a little.
Keep coming on here because we do try and help with our stories as well…
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We didn’t even live together , we lived half an hour’s drive from each other . We met in October , 2023, and we hit it off immediately, we had so much in common, we never stopped talking, and in the short time we had together, we did so much . He took me to lovely places such as Hawes in Yorkshire and Bempton cliffs, we loved walking in the countryside and wildlife . We had plans for the future, I’ve never felt pain like this and honestly don’t know I am going to move forward.
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Like you I am struggling to understand, he became so ill so quickly. It helps that I am able to put my feelings into words, and connect with people going through the same pain, realising that I am not alone.
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So sorry Elizabeth. Yes the pain is terrible. My wife passed on the 8th March 2025 and I am devastated. I’m sat in bed crying my eyes out while writing this.
But you and I have to learn to live with this. You need to look after yourself as do I. It’s bloody hard to do at times, but we must do it.
I went to my GP who recommended me to see a bereavement counsellor… I’ve had 3 appointments so far and a 4th one planned in a couple of weeks. She is certainly helping me as is chatting to people here who understand, whereas family and friends do not.
You take care
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Yes I will make an effort to see a bereavement counsellor, I know I have to learn , I just can’t stop crying.
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Doctor told me that it’s good to cry.
I spoke to a friend earlier, whose partner passed in January. He hasn’t been crying but had to go to Docs yesterday complaining of a tight chest. Doc told him to cry and let it out.
You take care
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@Elizabeth14
OMG…your story is a mirror image of mine.
I met John October 2022 and he became my absolute soulmate. We didn’t live together, about an hours drive from each others house. We had plans that maybe we would sell and buy together
He took me to so many places in his beloved Lancashire and taught me so much.
We went to London, Seville, Venice, Milan and the Carribean. We’d planned so many more trips n holidays as John was so well travelled…
He passed suddenly in March and I like you was and am bereft…
It’s uncanny the similarities…x
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I am sorry sorry. My partner passed 5 weeks ago. You will find support here.
You just don’t look ahead just life in each hour.
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Hi Elizabeth
Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I can’t say I can empathise with you completely as I lost my mother
not my partner, but I can share in the grief and also my thoughts. Please don’t worry about crying, its the natural and healing thing to do. Sometimes I cry a little, but not as much as I expected to, which is strange compared to when I lost my Dad. But I still have the sadness, the bewilderment and confusion and the regrets. And one day perhaps more tears will come. It’s a huge thing to try and get your head round, the loss of someone you love and you can’t do it all straightaway. So look after yourself, if you want to cry, do that, or whatever else you need to do to get you through these early weeks.
Thinking of you, J
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Hi Elizabeth
My story is similar too. I met my husband later in life. We only had 5 and a half years together. We got married in December 2024 and he died 6 weeks later from a sudden heart attack. He was my person. I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved him and I’ve never been loved the way he loved me. I’ve been widowed now for 20 weeks. The pain at the start is unbearable but I am now having moments where my heart is not so heavy. Just get through each day and try not to look too far ahead. Sending you lots of love . You are not alone
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There is no way of making sense of any of it is there. The unfairness of losing the absolute love of your life, not just half of you gone, so much more than that. My husband dies I’m may last year aged 61 and we were together for 42 years. We had about 10 weeks from diagnosis and he was only really unwell in the last 3 weeks when we cared for him at home till the end. I find looking too far ahead very difficult. When people try to invite me to things in a few months time, it makes me really anxious to think that far ahead, I think because I know he still won’t be with me then and that’s unbearable. I went to counselling and found it really helpful to talk to someone completely removed. I found I cried openly pretty much for the whole hour and I think I needed that. No right or wrong way but just knowing others are having the same experiences and emotions is so helpful.
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Yes our stories are so similar, I didn’t even realise how much I loved and cared about him until he was so ill . We spent most weekends together , walking , taking photographs, he was teaching me photography , and we had plans for the future. It is helping me reading these messages but right now I can’t see any way forward.
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Thank you . I hope as you say that the pain will get better, he was my very special man and I cannot imagine moving forward without him . We were so perfect together , I just can’t stand this pain.
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