Hi Elizabeth, so sorry for your loss. I have just put my profile on here today to find solace in people who understand. I feel your pain, I lost my partner 9 weeks ago it was very sudden and unexpected, he was 59 and planning retirement. We have our motorhome and now I have to decide what to do with it, I haven’t even driven it yet. 9 weeks on and I am still much in pain, take each day as it comes and don’t put any pressure on yourself to do anything. You are very brave to come on here so soon I couldn’t face it until now. Take care x
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DLH1967
I am so sorry for your loss.I hope you will find the site a help and comfort to you.It has helped me and the people who post are so nice and we all understand what each of us is going through on this horrible journey we find ourself on.My dear wife passed 4 months ago.Very sudden and unexpected here at home in the living room.I keep reliving over and over agian what happened.The paramedics Doing CPR but to no avail they couldnt save her.It has broken me.I loved my wife with all my heart.We did everything together.The pain and grief has been awful.We did everything together.Now its just lonelliness emptyness.Eating alone when i can eat.Living alone sleeping alone.What sort of future is that?I do have the memories but sometimes that makes me cry as there will be no more memories to make.Sorry to sound so negative.Take care
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Hi brummy sorry to hear your story, mine similar. My Steve passed away in our living room in front of me, I had to do CPR until paramedics arrived. I too go over an over it, he had been diagnosed with a chest infection and given amoxycilin, Like everyone else has said the house is too quiet and its very lonely, we did everything togther and we both worked from home. There are many familiar stories on here and people seen very supportive. Take care x
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@DLH1967 im so sorry your now a part of this community my heart goes out to you i get it it dam well hurts more than anything before it
I too am on this terrible road having lost my partner /fiancé been together 14 years due to marry this year linda was only 53 its not fair we hat so many plans too i was 10 years older than linda bit never felt the difference at all linda passed in hospital after having gone jaundice but was recovering her liver causing an issue but then caught covid and passed in 3 days despite us being told 24 hours earlier she would be coming home in a week or two big hugs to you take care of you
Martin 
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HiDlh1967
My dear wife had a rare blood condition which sadly was inherited from her grandfather.It was called ITP.It gradually got worse over the last 12 months or so.she was under a consultant at the hospital.They put her on steroids to try and get the blood count up and platelets to form.When she went back in january they put her on more tablets with the steroids and the side effects were horrendous.I blame myself.I should have done more.Rang the hospital ,rang the ambulance earlier.I talk to her alot.I say to her its all my fault.She meant everything to me.Now my world has been destroyed and will never be the same again.Have you got family to help and support you?Take carex
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Martin64
I do hope you will be able to get some support from your kids.My wife and I liked going to the Tower Ballroom in Blackpool.Listening to the organist , watching the dancing.The Ballroom was like an oasis in the manic stressfull world in which we live.It sounds lovely where you live.You are spot on this is so damn hard this horrid way of life is without our soulmates.I struggle to use the word life because its more like an existance now.Take care
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Ahh brummy that’s what we do blame ourselves I did that too even though there was little I could do, its just the grief and sorrow. I have good friends that have supported but some of them are grieving to as his friend and also they have to go back to work. I have a son in Liverpool (I am in Bradford) but he works in hospitality and its difficult for him to get home often. How about you, any support network? I think this platform can help just by reading about other people’s situations and realising we are saying the same things about our loss people on here have been in the same boat as us an experience the same feelings which our friends and family dont fully understand and wouldnt unless they have gone through what we have. Hang in there i’m sure in time you will feel better and learn to live with the situation but I don’t think we will ever get over it. x
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I am glad you have some friends for support and a son too.I have no support network really only the lovely people on here.I have no brothers or sisters only cousins.We had no children.So its just me.My wife has a sister but she is disabled after having a brain hemmorage and her mental state is vey poor.You cannot have a proper conversation with her.That is one of the things i find so painfull all the phone calls up to the funeral have now literally stopped.People i work with are colleagues really not friends.I know people have their own families so they are busy with them.Its just i feel so aloneAs you say we will never get over it.I feel physically mentally and emotionally drained.x
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I have also noticed messages from people have dried up since the funeral but I am very lucky to have a best friend of 45 years who visits 1-2 times a week at the moment and she is keeping me going. One thing I was thinking of doing when I feel stronger was trying to set up a support group in my area. Before I joined this site I googled what there was available and there is virtually nothing I only found 1 face to face support group that meets every 3rd Friday 10-12. Is this something you could do maybe, it would give support for you and friendship from others that understand. I also thought about an evening job as its the evenings (and mornings) when I feel my loss the most. I’m dreading later in the year when its darker earlier in the evenings. I’m saying all this but I am no way strong enough to do any of this at the moment, i’m not even back at work yet, due back 8th July. Keep the contact with everyone on here you can at least off load your feelings x
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I am glad you have a good friend to support you.I think it does help.I am surprised there is no support groups around here.There is a bereavement cafe at Chester cathedral but only on a friday.With me working i wouldnt be able to goSome of the things you mentioned are very good ideas.Thank goodness for this sitex
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Brummy
So sorry to hear of your isolation and I think all of us relate to that point where the world continues turning and the phone calls stop. It’s so very hard and especially when the person you’d talk to about feeling lonely etc is the one no longer here🥲
So many people write about having the radio or tv on and the silence can be deafening can’t it ? I’ve started writing notes and letters to my Matt like I used to which are serving as reminders of what I need to do - silly things like shopping, research car insurance etc but also love notes just so he’s still present. Maybe not a good idea but working a bit when I feel like it’s just me.
Hang on in there. We’re all in this journey together. Sending lots of love 
( from a fellow Brummy now stuck down in Surrey thanks to the love of a man all those decades ago …)
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IM55
Thank you for your understanding and support.I cannot thank everyone enough on this site for their support and understanding.Maybe i am being selfish regarding the phone calls.I dont have any family as such only cousins.A friend of miy wifes sent a nice letter to me after she passed said she would phone.Nothing.As you say the person who you really want to talk tois the one no longer here.I just wish i could have said a proper goodbye to her.I do talk to her all the time.Telling her i wish she was still here and i keep saying sorry to her for not doing more for her.She was such a loving caring kind person the best wife i could ever have wished forWhat you are doing writing notes sounds a good idea.Sending love and hugs to you to from Cheshire.Moved in with my wifes mum.Now her mum has passed my wife has passed now just me.Take carex
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I spent 10 mins earlier on, talking to a photo of Jackie. Told her all about viewing the properties and how she would like the one that was only 8 houses away from where her parents lived .
Also hope she liked the flowers we left for her.
It’s a bit silly to some but it helps me
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I know what you mean John.Talking to my wifes photos help me too.I do it all the time.
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DLH1967 so sorry that you have lost your partner and so young , similar to me and Ian , making plans for our retirement , our future together now cruelly stolen from us . The pain of grief is so awful, yes it is a matter of taking each day as it comes , some days are worse than others . I am really struggling , I miss him so much. Take care x
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I don’t think it’s silly at all. I do it sometimes when I’m driving. I used to call Duncan and tell him I was on my way home or visa versa, so now I sometimes tell him anyway and about my day. Not every day, and I think it’s ok. It’s a small comfort and sometimes the silly things we said, his pet names for me or something pops into my head and I want to tell him about it. Late last week I was in a shopping centre lift and these two older men who were clearly friends, with really long white beards got in as we were going up. One of them said to the other, “I thought we were going down”. It was all I could do to stop myself saying “what chimneys!”. They must have wondered who this nutty woman was as by the time it stopped I was giggling stupidly to myself about Santa’s. Duncan would have set me right off. Maybe sometimes we can smile and it’s ok, and while it doesn’t happen often I do get memories that make me smile even in these fairly early days. I hope for more x
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Bubbles 76 thank you for sharing. In our memories and holding the humour and joy we shared in our hearts and minds it’s like our loved ones continue to live with us. I too laugh out loud occasionally at the thought of how my Matt would respond to a situation and likewise cry at how proud he’d be of our kids each time they push themselves through the loss to live a life he no longer can. To all , surrender to the tears and hoping you get those moments to remember the love and joy you shared .
Be kind to yourself we all did what we could and loved those we lost xx
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