Heart of gold , I’m so sorry that you are going through the same awful pain, and yes it is difficult to offer any advice . It just doesn’t make sense, it is so unfair. Try speaking to your GP about the anxiety, my GP prescribed some medication for me , and also try the Cruse helpline. I wish I could offer you more advice, sending my love to you x
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Elizabeth14
I am very similar to yourself.My dear wife passed 4 months ago and the pain is still very raw.I cry literally every day,We had no children.Its just me now.All the happiness and love we had for one another taken away from us.Now its just emptyness and lonelliness for the futureI loved my wife with all my heart .I will never get over it.the grief is awfull.It all happened so quick and suddenly.As you say we have been cheated out of our future and happiness together.I have the tv but im not really intersted in whats on.I have lost interest in all my hobbies and interests.Everything has to be done alone now.Eating sleeping living,if thats what it is .Its more like surviving day to day than livingI like you took it for granted she would always be with me.This time of the day is so hard.Sleeping in an empty bed,if i can sleep which is not much.Take care
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Brummy, I am so sorry that you are going through the same awful pain. Like you I don’t have the heart to carry on doing the things I used to love. And friends say I should still do the things that we were planning to do , but that would be impossible for me to do without him . I am crying while I am typing this . Grief is so awful , I constantly feel sick and I can’t imagine a future without him. We were a team, and so happy together, life is so unfair and cruel. My thoughts are with you , take care x
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Elizabeth, You are right I found that on an outing without my Elizabeth I went into the restaurant for Breakfast, even though the place was busy I felt so alone. If you can go with someone it might be ok, but it was too soon for me on my own.
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Rob05 Ian and I used to love taking long walks in the countryside, soaking in the sights and sounds of nature . He always carried his camera - he was such a passionate photographer, and his pictures were truly beautiful. He was even teaching me.
This past Saturday, I went for a walk alone . I found myself in tears , speaking to him , asking how I’m meant to cope without him . The pain feels overwhelming, I miss him so much. We had so many dreams for our future together , it’s hard to even imagine moving forward without him by my side.
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Elizabeth14 i can relate to everything you’ve said. My husband was also called Ian and we to loved walking, its like we never wasted a minute, we went everywhere together. Now i struggle to leave the house. Every time i go into a supermarket i cry when i see all the foods he loved. I lost him in March this year to bowel cancer, even though i cared for him at home for the last 9 months of his life nothing prepares you for this. Im just trying to live day by day. I’m new to this site i only joined last night. Reading everybody’s messages is giving me a lot of comfort knowing that im not alone in this cruel world 
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Edwars04 So sorry you have lost your lovely husband , and that we are on this same awful journey, grief is so painful. To be suddenly alone is unbearable when we were supposed to be together , and making plans for our future. Sending love to you x
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Hi so sorry for your loss. My wife also passed March this year.
Sadly you are not alone in this cruel world. Everyone here is experiencing what you’re going through.
I live day to day like you, however, I try to keep busy by doing little jobs that’ll help me sell my house, so I can move back to 
The main thing for both of us now is to try and take care of ourselves.
Look after yourself 
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@Rob05 ho Rob ive tried going to my local churches all closed and locked only days it seems open is service and coffee day tues at 10 am might pop over then see if can find something that either they do or know off fingers crossed but its bad sign of tines churches closed and locked up now 
Martin
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@Edwars04
I am very sorry for the sad loss of your husband.
I can fully empathise with what you say. The pain is immense.
A cruel world indeed, Edwars04… without our beloved soulmates by our side. People are so cold and uncaring these days.
Sadly, this comes into focus when we find ourselves in these very sad and tragic circumstances. People who have not experienced the loss of a soulmate can never understand what we are going through.
Take care. Sadly, one way or another, we’re all in the same boat.
The lovely people on this forum are understanding and supportive, so please keep posting xx
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Martin, I am sorry to hear that, the churches in the village are locked overnight but are generally open by about 9 O clock. Often see one of the Vicars about, usually on his bike.
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Thank you Elizabeth14
Some people say the same to me still do the things that we were planning to do.Holidays we always went on together.I just couldnt go away without my dear wife with me.We did everything together.everything is so awful.Eating alone sleeping alone , living alone.I feel like i cannot go on day after day like this.I do manage to eat abit just toast and ready meals not lovely meals my wife used to cook for me.We used to eat together at the table.Now just me.Her placemat is still there.I cannot bring myself to move it.I cant bring myself to move anything of my wifes.Like yourself we were a team and so happy together.Life is so horrible now.Its just an existance.My thoughts are with you too.Take carex
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@brummy hey bud i get the sleeping and eating alone too my Linda’s place mat her place is set for her with her picture it will always be her spot she was an amazing cook too like your wife i too loved it Linda’s dad was Hungarian she loved cooking Hungarian food and her spices too i so miss her meals the rubbish ready meals tase of nothing hence i don’t eat hardly now and always ate at the table but now if i do i sit on settee as hate being alone at the table and yes we too were a team also always together only had one fay apart in 14 years until that terrible day it os just existence now fella no motivation or enthusiasm to do anything there seems no point now i truly get it when we moved here to Devon ot was because it was Linda’s paradise she lived here before and loved it until her dad passed away here in 82 she was 11 and jad to go back with her mum to Barry in wales to clear up things there but they never returned bit we came here after linda brought me here when we got together in 2010 i fell for ot big time bit came her for us as a couple but now its a nightmare because she not here i feel so lost alone really don’t want to be here to difficult to stay but feel id be letting her down massively after all we went to make here happen now feels like a prison but her mum who I’m caring for now wants to stay god i hate this new so called new life take care fella
Martin
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Elizabeth14 thank you for you kind message. Im so sorry for your loss and the pain you’re experiencing as well. It seems to get more difficult as time goes on. One moment you feel as if you’ve got everything and you’re really happy then its snatched away. So cruel xx
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Johnr - thank you for your kind message. Im so sorry to hear that you also lost your dear wife in March. It seems like its early days for most of us. Life will never be the same!!
It’s good you’re keeping yourself busy. My husband and I both liked gardening but I can’t seem to be able to do anything in the garden yet it’s just too painful. Im hoping this will ease in time.
We all need to take one step at a time. Take care x
I
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Martin64
Thank you for posting on here Martin.Thank you for your understanding.Thank goodness for this site where people genuinly understand how we feel and the grief and turmoil we are going through.The eating and sleeping is so hard.Linda sounded a great cook too.I am just eating really for the sake of eating.Just microwave type food/ready meals.As you say they taste of nothing…As you say life is just an existance.What future is there without our wives?I have gone back to work but its just a case of paying bills wheras before my dear wife passed it was for a meal out now and again or a break away.Now whats the point?our holidays were for us.I couldnt bear to be on my own without her having a break.We loved to get awayWe liked Devon especially Seaton ,Sidmouth and Coombe Martin.So many lovely places we enjoyed now just distant memories never to be repeated.Have you got any children?we didnt have any so its just me now.Alone and broken hearted often in a daze…I am like you and hate this new so called new life.Take care
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@brummy hey fella i have 3 kids back near blackpool my hometown but estranged for 16 years i have had a little bot of contact since Linda passed bit it’s early days and very complex do not sure if its going to work the didnt like me getting with linda after my marriage broke down they resented her which is a shame because she was an amazing person but it was messy and made it worse when i asked her to marry me in 2014 and the distance is over 300 miles so there is that as well linda had a single daughter who is struggling losing her mum so young at 53 as she just missed her wedding in march which i had to give her away but again she near Manchester area but she sees me and calls me dad she has 3 kids who call me grandad bit its difficult the distance thank you Devon is stunning esp those areas we live just near plymouth and virtually overlooking the sound and views to the Cornwall border as i said im caring for her mum who has health issues so get little time to myself keeps me busy but its draining caring for elderly immobile mum really love her and said id look after them both when i proposed bit never expected this linda was her carer so she is room bound i sot alone most nights its so difficult and not being able to leave her for any length of time is hard bit such is life bud its dam hard this horrid way of life without our soulmates it truly is im so sorry your here on this journey too 
Martin
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Martin64
I am so sorry the problems you are ecountering with your kids near Blackpool.I hope you will be able to sort things out.I am originally from shropshire.My wife and i lived ther for 27 years before moving to look after her mum her in cheshire when her dad passed.My wifes mum passed in 2022 now my wifes gone its just me.ITs really so kind and caring of you looking after your wifes mum.My wife and i stayed in Plymouth when we visited Saltram House.She loved gardens and National Trust places.We liked cornwall too.We had our honeymoon in cornwall.As you say its so dm hard this horrid way of life without our soulmates.Approaching the time i dread bedtime.No hugs no goodnight kiss nothing now.I sleep with my wifes pyjamas and dressing gown next to me.
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@brummy thank you for that i do hope it turns out too but there a lot of water under the bridge as they say its horrid bedtime i usually dont get anymore than 3 hours sleep a night now cant close my eye’s till 4 earliest Saltram well its about 3 miles from me pass it few times a week and do a grief group walk there every wed small world it is lovely place me linda went there a lot as we were hat trust members but i cancelled it we walk round the grounds they light it up every xmas its lovely to see good choice for you honeymoon we always were out and about Cornwall when we came for hols before moving here Linda’s dads ashes are scattered in Cawsand kingsand bay ive goto to go there next week to put flowers down for him on Linda’s behalf now as she not here to do it for her dad but i hope she is with him she did love and miss him a lot after losing him when she was just 11 here in plymouth she lived on a huge ex dutch trawler in Millbay docks in plymouth as well as her dad having another boat in Barry docks too but her heart was always here an old friend of mine i worked with at TVR in blackpool was from near Telford he lives blackpool ive been in touch recently with him a old friend been nice talking with him i hope you get some sleep i know its hard i spray her perfume on her pillow to try and help
Take care
Martin
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Elizabeth14
My dear wife loved the countryside and nature.she loved her garden and flowers and plants.Some people say i should have a break away.I just dont feel i could.It wouldnt be the same without my dear wife with me.How am i supposed to cope without her with me now?It really hit home to me today that this is how life will be from now on.Just me alone.I miss her so much for her love care and kindness to me.Something i wont ever be able to experience again.Holding her hand ,looking into her lovely eyes.Everything hurts so much.4 months on its just as bad.I cry every day especially on coming back to the empty house and at night.How can i move forward from this?move forward to what?a future without my dear wife.To me thats not a future.Take care
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