9 days ago my sons friend sent me a text to say the foreign office were looking for me. 2 days later, I was informed that my son had been found dead in Vietnam on March 6. I have since been told that someone had been trying to contact him from Feb 27 and he probably had a stroke. The worst thing is not knowing how long he had been lying there without help. I am not rational at the moment. So many questions that will never be answered. He was 58 with a birthday next month.
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I don’t have any words that will help, but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for you loss.
Sending all the love to you and your family x
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Thank you. I don’t think there are any words. I appreciate your kindness x
Sending you hugs through the internet, I’m so sorry you’ve lost your son.
Thank you, I can’t imagine how you must still be feeling. How old was your son? To have such hope turn to ashes must have been devastating.
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Thomas was 35. He went into hospital in Sacramento for another open heart surgery but caught pneumonia and mrsa in the hospital and he passed 27 days later. This was supposed to be the surgery that would fix so many problems but in the end the hospital took his life. I will never get over it, neither will his brothers.
I’m also dealing with the British consulate for me it’s Portugal , we got the call through Facebook to tell us my son had been murdered . It’s every mothers worst nightmare - so sorry for your loss
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It’s a nightmare. I’m on holiday with my family in America otherwise I don’t think I would cope.
That is an absolute nightmare. My heart goes out to you. x
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I feel your pain. I always thought American hospitals were very good.
I am wondering if you were on my wavelength when you replied to me. I am in Sacramento visiting my family. I live in Scotland. I had an accident in Trader Joe’s car park and was unable to fly home. 3 days later I had a message from the foreign office. xx
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Thomas had surgery at Mercy General before and to be fair the surgery part went ok, it was the respiratory team that screwed up big time. Thomas’s wife was going to sue them to highlight the failings of the team but she took her life last month. I’ve lost both of them in just over a year. They only married in 2020. They lived in Grass Valley about an hour away, he worked at the local court.
This is such a painful road we walk as parents grieving the loss of our children and it’s different for us all. Will you have to go to Vietnam?
That is so very sad. I can imagine how she felt. Makes it so much worse for you.
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I’m 80 so I expected to go first. You just go along in life expecting things to go on as always.
I won’t be going to Vietnam. I wouldn’t be able to see him anyway. Seems he had been lying there a long time.
I have an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon today to see if I can fly home. I’m so dreading going home.
I spent 3 years in solitary confinement because of covid and I can’t face going in the door with my thoughts.
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Scotsgranny - I’m so sorry to hear what’s happened. You must be in a state of shock. An absolutely terrible thing to happen to your son. Too much to take in all at once, plus all the unknowns. An avalanche of emotion and pain and unanswered questions. I am glad you have support and I hope there’s support when you do go home. I would be surprised if you were rational right now, you have had overwhelming news and lost your boy in a tragic way. I hope you get some answers and also take care of yourself as best you can. I hope you keep posting on here as people will listen and stand with you. I send you all my kind thoughts and the understanding that your boy is irreplaceable and your love goes on. Xxxxxxx
On my way to see the surgeon. Will write later
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I hope you get the ok
I’m back and that went better than expected. Seems my bone is healing well and I’ve been told to start using a walker. My son in Sacramento has been wonderful and tries to think of everything. There is nobody in UK. I don’t even know a neighbour. Luckily I get my groceries delivered and my freezer is full of meals I cooked. I see a lot of FaceTiming in my future. I really appreciated your very thoughtful message.
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I’ve been cleared to fly. The bone is healing better than expected. I went to Woodland dignity and they were excellent.
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That’s good news!
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Very good news to hear that your bones mending and a walker will help with your mobility and confidence to get around. You are doing really well to keep on keeping on despite all that’s happened. You are probably mentally and physically exhausted and getting by hour by hour is no easy task. I’m hoping you can manage to get some rest and you aren’t overdoing things. Your brain will be driving you mad and that is a load to bear. From all you’ve said you sound like a strong woman but you are dealing with things that no mum should experience. Your son in Sacramento sounds like he’s helping all he can. You’ve got support on here now, when my daughter died and still now, this place can be a lifeline from people who have lost sons and daughters. One of the other outside places that helped me is Compassionate Friends. They operate here and in the US. They helped me a lot and put me in touch with others in similiar circumstances so that’s a possible avenue for you either where you are or when you come back. Meanwhile I’m sending love and hugs xxxxxxxxx