It’s my knee. I have another 3 weeks before I can walk downstairs but I have to get an x-ray first. Don’t know how I’ll do that without walking downstairs 
I’m using a walker to get around so I can get everything I need.
1 Like
It is heartbreaking and a journey that I find myself on and just can’t see an end to it 
I wish I could say something to help you but all I can think of is … I feel your pain. I read somewhere, grief is like living two lives, one where you ‘pretend’ you are all right and the other is where your heart silently screams in pain. Thank you for speaking to me because despite having some beautiful caring friends they have no idea how painful this is and I don’t want to lay this on them. I’m so grateful I took my beautiful sons last call as if I had missed that opportunity I don’t think I could have coped with that - he reached out to me and despite not being able to stop what he did I take comfort in knowing he called me 
x
I feel your pain and just hope you/we can get through this horendous ‘nightmate’ we find ourselves in.
I don’t think anyone can know what it feels like unless it happens to them. It doesn’t even feel the same as when my mum died 14 years ago and I still talk to her.
Life can never be the same for all of us on here who have lost a child, no matter how old.
1 Like
I think it’s so precious he called you . He was thinking of you even in his panic and that’s lovely thought . I didn’t get to say bye to my boy or hear his voice again . He went on his first holiday abroad alone and simply didn’t come home , at first we thought it felt like a mistake and any moment he would ring and say it was all a mix up . I too find it hard to talk to family and friends as I feel they must think I want pity and that’s the last thing I want or need . I really resonated with your post as I feel you must be feeling the same as I do and there’s definitely not many people who can truly understand how we feel - the shock - the despair - not being able to do anything and feeling like you should protect them , they’ll always be our babies , grown up or not and we will always have that piece of our heart missing . All the nurturing and care as a mum for it to all just end like that . These last few months have really made me question life but I keep on trucking for his siblings and my beautiful grandchildren. It’s still early days and we are allowed to grieve . Keep taking on here , it’s a tremendous support platform x
1 Like
I agree with everything you say and similar to you the only reason for me to keep going is my other son Josh and grandson Ronnie. If it were not for the fact that losing me would break Josh, I would gladly escape from this pain. He too is suffering from losing his brother and I pretend in front of him to be coping as I know he worries about me 
Do you know if there will be a trial in Portugal for your sons killer? If you don’t want to talk about this I will understand x
You are so right losing your child is a pain that unless you yourself have experienced you will not appreciate. I’ve lost my mother, sister and father so no stranger to grief but losing Charlie in the way I have is just too much to bare 
1 Like
He’s been charged with murder and is awaiting sentencing . He gave himself up and strange as it sounds I actually feel a little sorry for his family as they are going through hell . He has been put in a mental institution awaiting the trial ( over there it’s just a 3 judge sentencing) . He has three charges against him, possession of a dangerous weapon , murder and desecration of a corpse , that last bit brings me to tears every time I write it or think about it . My beautiful son had never even been in a fight or argument his entire life , how can it all end this way ? I miss him so much and the best I can hope for is justice for my boy . How can our lives ever be the same . I miss the me I was , the happy everyone’s friend kind of person I used to be - sleep well sweet and sending you some hugs from one broken mum to another x
So sorry for your loss i know its the worsed pain in the world to lose a child irrespective of age. My daughter Zena 34yrs died in China end of October 2023 im actually only just starting to grieve properly now. My life will never be the same again. I have 3 other daughters and 9 grandchildren to be strong for. Im struggling so much some days but they get me through, i just miss her so much. 
Sorry for your loss and reason to be here . Did your daughter live in China? I hope you are managing to navigate the systems they use when someone dies abroad it’s an awful shock and doesn’t seem real . Death of a child however old is the hardest thing to process it’s not in the right order . I sometimes feel selfish wishing he could have grieved my death instead , guess at least he will never know that now . It’s a good place to have a rant on here or simply know you are amongst other mums ( and dads) who truly understand the whole new way of life we have had to deal with . I’m sure someone else will be around too later x
I just don’t know what to say …you and your family must be devastated, my heart goes out to you and to read what you say about the British consulate dismays me, have you thought of getting in touch with your local MP - you should be supported
Your situation is horrendous and your thoughts to the mans family are so generous 
… what strength I have I send to you in this message x
2 Likes
I’m so sorry for your loss but if it helps at all you can see you’re not alone in your grief. It has helped me to speak to fellow mothers that understand the depth of pain that is felt by losing a child,
The one point of help I have is a support worker from homicide victim support , she’s a tremendous help but her emails don’t often get a response either . The police and MPS get about as much out of the Portuguese judicial system as we do . Nothing at all . The young police officer that visited me was told by his senior to just phone me up to tell me he could do nothing , he actually called round to tell me as he said it all felt so wrong - the communication between the two countries systems is dire at best , even the Portuguese death certificate does not have the cause of death on . Its a horrible situation to be in
I’m lost for words … all I can say is keep talking about your feelings, do you have good friends to stand by you? I so hope so
Lots of love to you xxx
It’s strange as the people I thought were friends seem to have disappeared but some of them are rocks , I guess a loss this deep truly sorts out who is really there for you in life . I’ve always been a leader , the one who organised friendship meetings , the lead and because I’m not strong enough to do it now no one else can be bothered . The handful of friends who have supported me just by being there are the kindest and most caring people and true friends . I suppose we have many “ acquaintances “ but true friends are like gold dust .
Cherish777 its uncanny the similarity here. I too have friends that have been my rock but there are also ‘friends’ that in my ‘personal’ mind have let me down. So I take from this experience a learning curve of the meaning ‘true’ friends. I met up last night with someone who has also lost a son in tragic circumstances and I have to say it does help talking to people who understand what your going through. I want to get back to being ‘me’ but not sure if thats going to be possible I guess only time will give me that answer xxx
1 Like