I lost my amazing husband 3 years ago. I miss everything about having someone close beside me in all that I do. We were never ever apart.
So many people I know try to make suggestions of what I ought to do with my life.
I met a couple I know in the supermarket yesterday. The woman said “Why don’t you join a group for women only to go out with and holiday with”.
I just nodded. I really wanted to say. “I lost my man, not a woman friend” I am surrounded by women who all want to go out , just to get away from their husbands for the day. I listen constantly to what their husbands do to get on their nerves.
I do have widow friends too, but come home more depressed as all we have done is commiserate with eachother.
I would love to meet someone to share my life with and feel alive again, but not easy for a woman of a certain age.
Online dating is frightening, believe me. Tried walking groups, the gym, allsorts of things. Meet up groups are all at night, which is not good in the winter. Dark nights and having to drive.
I spend days sometimes without speaking to anyone.
My family are all at work in the week.
It sometimes seems that everyone is a grief expert ,it drives me mad, out of everyone in my wifes family, I have no family, there is only my brother in law who understands, he lost his first wife and is now married to my wifes twin, non of the others, sisters, brothers even her son haven’t got a clue what it means to lose your wife or husband, they are all grieving but are not living the lives that have been dumped on us for ever.
So true.
My sister in law even said to me a few months after he died. “Life goes on”. Unbelievable.
Life does go on, but in a world where we feel like aliens.
I know some people hate it when I bring his name into the conversation, but I need to talk about him. We spent 29 years together as soul mates.
Life goes on for them, our lives are on pause until we work out a way to live with the misery and sadness that we find ourselves in.
Joan and me needed no one else ,between us we both had everything we needed, don’t get me wrong it was nice to have people visit us and we would call and see people but we didn’t need them.
Remember that we live in our grief ,especially if we are in the same house where we used to live with our spouses, others who grieve for them can go back to their own houses and have a break from the reminders and memories, we cannot.
Yes, it is hard to watch others going about their normal lives. I shut myself away sometimes and don’t want to speak to anyone. I just want to laugh again and feel normal. Don’t think that will happen though.
I walk twice a week with a group. Enjoyed at first but now becoming bored with same people and same conversation. All couples.
I am a few months further on from you, but relate to your words totally. I am increasingly of the opinion that I will NEVER find a a way forward…and I’m not sure I want to. It is getting worse as time goes on. I don’t want to do anything, go anywhere…and I certainly don’t want another relationship. I also have had people suggesting things I could do. I feel like telling them to mind thier own business, even though I know they mean well… they don’t and can’t understand. Nothing means anything anymore. I am existing day to day…survival mode…waiting for a spark of interest in something…anything 
Oh my goodness. That is so sad. I am sorry you are feeling like this. People do think after a few years that we have healed and our life will get better. I hope that it will. I tell myself it will.
I do feel better when I have forced myself to get out. Even if just for a coffee on my own.
Too easy just to give up.
I try to look for good things in life. My garden. My home. Trees. Butterflies. Nature helps. A walk on my own where I don’t have to listen to anyone.
Our minds are our worst enemy.
Find a reason to smile every day, even if it’s remembering happy times with your wife.
I am thankful that I have experienced true love. He was my 2nd husband.
We all have love in our hearts that one day we can maybe share with someone else. Our lost loved ones will always be in our hearts no matter what.
I had been with my partner for 38 years when he passed on Sept 7th & i feel like half of me is missing, people say they can’t get used to thinking if me without him, some say you need to be strong or pull yourself together, hiw patronising is that…i tell them i cant just forget my lifelong oartner & soulmate of 38 years in just 5 weeks…i feel suicidal & go to bed every night praying for me not to wake up the next morning as i dont even want to be here any more.
I am beginning to envy other couples doing what we used to do, a simple walk or shop together. I wonder if couples realise how lucky they are to have each other. I would give anything for these ordinary things again.
Aw … so true! Im same… horrible seeing orher happy couples. It makes me miss him more xxx
I had two more people trying to set me up for date and didn’t like what they got told.I feel so out of place when I get invitations from friends to go out with them
…I so appreciate your response…but the bottom line is we are ALL going to the same place eventually. I find myself increasingly intolerant of unknowingly patronising support from people that don’t understand…everyone in here knows. I know I was unknowingly guilty of such ‘support’ before reality hit…I just can’t pretend anymore and don’t know the answer. I’ve had 18 Councelling sessions …and ended them because although I ended up with a very good relationship with my Councillor…I still did not feel I could totally open up for fear if being referred to some anti-suicidal body…so what’s the point? …it is what it is…and we should all be honest as to how we feel…I’m not suicidal btw, before the Sue Ryder admins get In touch (This forum has been more useful than Councelling btw… so thank you all…and Sue Ryder) 
No one understand unless they’ve been there. I was listening to a friends husband the week before (his wife was 36 died of cancer) and the words I said will haunt me I will listen col but I don’t understand 7 days later I understood alright at 44 I’m widowed he’s a little bit older than me but I got everything he said over the next few months. I’m 5 months in and struggling. I don’t want to go out the house, don’t want to talk to people see people etc. hopefully in time I’ll start but 3years to lose a massive part of your life, your dreams, your future your world it still can’t be easy to live without them xx
I know its hard martyn … I won’t go out with couples … its awful !! Just friends or family one to one. Some people are better than others, more tactful … just ignore them and do right thing for you ! X
Hi @UnityMan, your post struck a cord with me. I’ve been thinking that since I lost my husband there is no one I can be completely honest with. I understand the whole suicide awareness stuff. So many people here have lost their loved ones to suicide and anything that prevents that is so important. But this feeling of just not wanting to live is different. We need people to allow us to say that without panicking. It’s a valid feeling which we should be open about, but immediately jumping on the suicide intervention bandwagon makes me feel so ashamed to say anything so I say nothing. So much is tied in with that thought that you can’t really have an effective conversation even with a counsellor. Rather than being helpful it becomes such a barrier.
Xx
Definitely been doing this deb5
I am off work sick which makes it worse
I have to have surgery.
I started talking to my friend this morning about my situatiom and she responded and them i noticed that she must have turned her pjone off because there wss no delivered
She still has her husband and is retired so she doednt understand
Do you live in Canada?
Oh charming ! Xxx
PandoraG .thats not nice .live in the uk
I have not looked at this site for several months but when I saw your post I felt I wanted to reply to you. I would urge you not to give up on dating on line. I met a couple of men , one was boring and miserable the other was wanting to travel the world all the time and though he was ok we wanted different things. The at the beginning of May I met a wonderful man. He is also a widower and between us we had clocked up over 100 years of happy marriage. We hit it off immediately and have been together ever since. Neither of us want marriage or to give up our own homes but we spend 4 or 5 nights a week together at mine, I have another man in my life - a big ginger cat, who I wont leave alone, (Puss is also smitten with my new love) We had a wonderful holiday in Cornwall and are planning a holiday in Spain next year. He is kind, loving considerate and we feel blessed to have found love again in our mid 70s. So give it another try. You may have to meet a few frogs but your prince could be out there!!! Good luck xxxx