Hi @SueF1, tomorrow is the third anniversary of Penny dying. As with all anniversaries, I go off and do something on my own. It’s appreciated if anyone gets in touch, but I decided its a very personal thing to me, and I expect, or don’t want anyone else to share the day with me.
I know they love me, and they loved Penny, they’ve told me that many times.
So I’ve driven to Anglesey, we spent many happy holidays here, and I’ll visit a lot of the haunts where we made memories. I’ll smile, and cry a little, just myself and the memories of her. I promised myself I will take my flute to a favourite beach and play to her. I’ve just been practicing, and played very badly. Maybe it’s the emotion getting to me, but the quality of my playing isn’t important to me, or anyone.
I think my message is it will never be as important to others, as it is to me. The day is difficult enough without thinking of how others might hurt our feelings.
Lovely photos. Thanks for sharing them .
When you look at photos it really evokes all sorts of memories. I think it’s a credit to you that you have been strong enough to share them. He looks so happy in both.
I hope you are feeling a bit stronger and ready to face another day tomorrow or rather today as it’s 4.45am.
I am not sleeping at all lately so always turn to this sight as my go to place. It helps me so much. Especially when I think back and then the tears flow. I find this site helps me to realign myself if hats the right thing to say.
I am retired now so can sleep in.
I know it’s terribly hard for you so will check on you in a few hours.
Love Deb x
Hi Tykey,
I hope you managed to find some lovely beaches on Anglesey and your music floated all the way to Heaven.
Enjoy your wonderful memories and keep safe and keep a look out for the Welsh dragons lol
Deborah
@seychelles thanks, yeah I have good and bad memories same as everyone, we had our share of ups and downs but next sat we would have been married 50yrs. he was my soul mate, good friend as well. i am coping really well without him in the loss sense, had to, crying etc isnt going change what happened, you have to get on with it. you can spend yrs doing that and it not getting you anywhere.
my problem is the future, my health isnt that good and if anything happens to me my son is homeless as we live in council house and he is not allowed to take it over. it terrifies me and annoys me cause we could have bought our house 20 yrs ago for about 10k but because of principles (not agreeing with them selling them off) we didnt and now they are valued at 350k. i feel so guilty as he has no money to get a mortgage and even if he had couldnt afford one where we live.
Aww Sue it’s heartbreaking you are worrying about the future. I can understand because I have a son who has just managed to buy a small flat in Cardiff where the prices are high for something so small. Getting a mortgage was horrendous also as he’s a freelancer. It’s not easy these days to get on the property ladder.
Thinking of you and sending love
Deborah
Hi Deborah. Mission accomplished, I played Some Enchanted Evening on Cemaes beach this morning, in the warm sunshine. Its left me with a great feeling of contentment, well able to cope with the thoughts and memories of that horrible day she died exactly 3 years ago.
Climbing Mam Tor last month on her birthday gave me the same feeling.
The third and last anniversary is our wedding day next month, but I’m worried about what challenge to take on. I hope someone comes up with a good idea. The best so far is to go Bog Snorkelling😳
I all seriousness, I’d encourage everybody to avoid anticipating these anniversaries with dread. Do something which will make you proud, even if it’s just silly or strange.
Hello all, thank you for your honesty and validations in this thread. Been feeling very isolated and bereft again with darker thoughts clouding out the sunshine since last week when our son turned 25 - age my husband was when we married and we always said when James got to that age we’d feel we could breathe a little and look to living life for us more. It was a joy to celebrate this milestone along with his grandparents and godfather , his Dads best mate but for me it felt so desperately sad that I didn’t have my Matt there to hug or high five. Today I met up with his closest friends from school and rather than covering up told them how rough the past few days were and they were so empathetic and kind. No trite words just the three of us sitting in a pub eyes brimmed with tears and them reassuring me how honestly happy he had been in the life we had together, despite all the challenges we had faced. It’s given me the confidence to keep on living and taking that energy with me. Truly wasn’t expecting it. Been feeling so useless as a one not a two joined as one but others positive memories can refuel somehow. Release this who don’t get it and hold onto those who do. Love to all and stay safe xxx
Climb Snowdon , paddle boarding on Lake Bala, pilgrimage to St Davids in Pembrokeshire, visit the puffins on Skomer Island, a trip to Caldey Island near Tenby, a music festival, a London theatre visit etc
Or how about a trip on a barge for a few days. Llangollen canal is lovely and the area around Chirk where the aquaduct is is stunning. Or how about a wellness retreat as there are always lots of different activities to suit everyone including music sessions.
So glad you enjoyed your recent trip.
Deborah
