Up and down

Sitting here in tears today I was ok with my mum and sister and sometimes you put on a brave face but as the day goes on I start to feel down when you see people happy and joking sometimes you want to scream as I say nobody understands unless you are in our position even family and friends.

Christine x

Hi Christine sorry to hear you’re having a bad day, it’s horrible it really is and you’re quite right no one understands unless they’ve been in this situation themselves. I get what you mean about seeing happy people it’s all so unfair and it does make you want to scream. Just know you are not alone, we are all here and understand how you feel. Take care and big hugs. Kay.x

Hi Kay thanks for your kind words sometimes I say that I am
feeling ok when I am not it’s does help to talk to each other in the same position.
Christine x

I’m new on here but it does help just knowing people can relate to how you feel.
I had a terrible day yesterday , my first day on here as I was desperate and needed something anything.
It did help , just knowing I can put my thoughts and fears down and people will understand.
Totally out of my comfort zone I too hide my feelings away and cry alone.
You are no way on your own.
This situation we have been put in is unbelievably difficult with no rules rights or wrongs.
I think it’s good to share your feelings on here , at least it seems to be helping me.

Hi it does help to share your feelings we can help each other even though we have never met.
Take care
Christine x

Hi this whole situation is awful! I can be ok for a bit and then for no reason at all be crying wanting to scream just struggling to cope with the loss. There is no right or wrong we all grieve differently and we need to do these things. What ever helps. Take care, post what ever you want to it really helps to talk. Big hugs. Kay . Xx

Hi I always say I’m as ok as I’m going to be. I’ve started adding it’s horrible! Of course we are not ok! Talking to each other on here does help because sadly we all understand. It’s a club no one wants to be in. Take care and big hugs. Kay. Xx

I know that what we are all going through is an individual journey for each of us, but collectively the same. I lost my husband 7 months ago. Sometimes I don’t feel so bad and feel as though I have turned a corner. Yet the next day I can be so down that I feel as though I can’t cope any more. If people ask me how I am, i always say that I am not too bad, because I feel that now people’s empathy and sympathy for me and my situation must be waning. Here we all understand and are so supportive of each other. Never lose hope of a brighter future, and keep posting. Tulabelle xx

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It’s true I worry that people think I should be ok now and it’s only 3 months since I lost Ian. You almost feel bad that you’re not saying I’m ok !! The fact is I and all of us will never be ok again, we will be different people who have learned to cope with the loss of our loved one. I’m sure we will smile again and I look forward to just a little less pain. Good days and bad days all part of this horrible journey. Take care and big hugs. Kay. Xx

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Hi everyone…that’s exactly how I am right now…I have started to laugh and smile during the day …I’m sick of my 4 and five year old seeing me cry …so I try so hard to pretend mummy is happy …and to my friends and family …then I get in bed and cry my self to sleep…I’m so lonely…my friends are all married …and I want to talk about my husband like they do there’s …or even moan about him… I feel like saying it’s not fair…and I know how selfish that is…but we were both 36 and he died and I have to talk to my kids about daddy being up the sky…it’s not fair … It’s not bloody fair on any of us on here …

Hi Michelle you are right this is not fair at all on any of us. I don’t know how you do it with such young children. My partner died 3 months ago and it’s horrible. I hate being asked “ how are you “ and I hate my family and friends talking about their plans with their husband or boyfriend as I no longer have my special person to do all the things we had planned together. Life is cruel there is no doubt about it. Take care, you are not alone. Big hugs. Kay. Xx

Ah thanks Kay…thought I was doing ok …then something small spirals and then feel like I’m back at square one… The people on here are amazing thank u so much hugs to u to xx

You are doing ok and you have every right to cry or do what ever you need to get you through to the next day. We are all going through the same thing just at different stages. I’m sure there isn’t anything that one of us hasn’t done. I spray Ian’s deodorant on his pillow and hug it at night. I often cry into it ! I still keep his phone charged and with me, I don’t know why! You just do what you have to. Take care and don’t be so hard on yourself. Kay. Xx

This journey really is so hard. I have had an awful day today simp.y because the Ryder Cup go.f is starting and we absolutely loved watching it together. I now find myself struggling to acknowledge it is on. It is these shared things that are so hard on your own.xx

I wish we all lived near by each other xxxx

There is nothing I can say to help you , only that I really do understand .
And I do feel talking about your feelings on here helps it did help me this week when I was at my lowest point.

Went to a little boys party with my little one…the mum’s were awful .they were complaining and moaning about there husband’s one even laughing about her bit on the side I felt like screaming…non of them seemed like they cared if they were married or not and they could take it or leave it…yet on hear we all had special marriages soul mates…life’s just not fair …

That must have been horrible, I bet you felt like screaming at them. It’s bad enough when you are surrounded by happy people because you are no longer one of them but to hear people that still have their husbands or partner talking like that is soul destroying. They don’t realise how lucky they are. At least here we do all understand and like you I wish we all lived near each other. Take care and big hugs. Kay. Xx

Hi I hope you are feeling a little better this evening. Take care and big hugs to you. Kay. Xxx

Of course it’s not fair. It’s hugely unfair for you to have lost your husband and your children their dad while you are all so young. And it is very painful to be among people who still have their life partner. Have courage, and talk to them about your husband in whatever way you like. If you feel like having a moan about him, then do so. People who pass don’t automatically become saints you know. But do it in a smiley, light hearted sort of way - then you won’t have to cope with any feelings of guilt or disloyalty. It is a very lonely time, and sometimes you’ll feel that you just can’t cope, or go on any longer. And the feelings of loss will be crushing. Just let the tears come, believe that there will be lots of sunny tomorrow’s, and the slowly and surely your healing will begin. Tulabelle xxx