Today has been horrible. It’s been 18 weeks since I lost my dearest husband after 51 years of marriage and I have no idea how I am supposed to cope without him. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my life and now he’s gone forever. As time goes on I find myself missing him more and more, each day brings a reminder of something else that I’m missing about him. I am so lonely without him. This week is when we usually went on holiday so normally full of joy and excitement. I’ve recently had to cope with my birthday and what would have been our 52nd wedding anniversary.
I fear that I have no idea about how I’m supposed to move on with my life without him. I hate this life on my own but haven’t got any desire to go out and meet new people, not my idea of fun at all! Sometimes I wonder if I’m just feeling self pitiful but how can I not miss our wonderful life together?
I know lots of you out there must feel just as desperate as I do and that does give me some comfort. Take care everyone.
Hi Wrens,
I am on week 12, but i feel the same after losing Sue. Over Easter i got no phone calls or visits. I got a couple of petty WhatsApp after i sent out stuff out. I know my friends and family live a long way away and have their own lives to lead. A little sign of support would be nice. Sue and i have travelled down at a moments notice to help them out. So after spending 11 weeks on my own including the first, i wonder what is getting me out of bed. My eating has gone to pot again. Yet for some reason we keep going. All we can do is try and support each other during these totally crap times.
I totally understand how you feel. I am 60 ,my husband was 65, been with him all of my adult life until he collapsed in the street in front of me and died 14 weeks ago. After the utter shock of the very first few weeks, I thought I was doing better, but recently I have felt so depressed. We had so many holidays and plans booked, had both taken early retirement, and now it has all gone. I have 2 lovely adult sons and 3 sisters, but they all have their own lives and I don’t tell them how bad I feel. Sending a hug, am so sorry we are in this situation xxxx
I feel exactly the same. My wife passed just over 6 weeks ago and my grief has been horrendous over the last few days. I can’t stop crying. The slightest thing sets me off.
I’m not sleeping, so go to bed early to try and catch up on sleep. Today I went to bed at 15.30. Ok I watched snooker till it finished and now about to watch a movie on Amazon.
Some friends came around after lunch and persuaded me to go out on Thursday night. I said yes, but I really don’t want to.
You are definitely not on your own @Wrens This is the worst time of my long life and I really want it to end. Not my life, but the grief.
So true what you have said
Hi All
It has been 15 weeks since i lost my lovely wife Jacquie. She had just turned 62, no age in today’s terms, but it has been incredibly hard.
People have gone back to their old lives and it is really isolating. I feel pretty lonely, but then don’t want all the fuss. It is also easier to pretend you are ok, just to make others feel better. Crazy situation really. People just feel awkward dealing with someone who has had this level of loss.
I too, was looking forward to retirement, and spending more time with her, but sadly that dream has been destroyed.
I get where you are all coming from, it is a soul destroying place to be in, and i wish you all the best on your painful journeys through this grief.
I know how all of you are feeling. my lovely husband died nearly 3 years ago after 54 years of marriage but I am still so bereft. I have 2 sons and their families who miss their father up to a point but cannot understand this huge grief that I feel. I have no friends in the area at all and am a very reserved person so I just can’t join clubs or anything on my own. I have a very old dog and I take her out for walks. I moved house to live nearer to my 2 sons only 12 months after my husband died as the younger on in particular persuaded me it would be best and they would see a lot more of me. That hasn’t happened as they are so busy with their own stuff and I desperately miss my old home and area of 46 years. I just feel in turmoil and if i say anything tom either family they just say that I am being negative! But what is the positive? So to all of you who are recently bereaved you are not alone in your thoughts and grief. It is a hard and lonely position to be in.
Pat, Sorry that you are so lonely. I lost my wife a year ago. I am lucky In my village there is a bereavement cafe that meets once a month, and other things like Pickaflick which is a film and a light lunch. You get talking over lunch as it is set on tables of 6 or 8. it gives me some social interaction. I found both of these from the village news magazine, it was also in the local church newsletter. It made a lot of difference to this old chap.
Hi Pat
I can so empathise with you, I too have no friends and no desire to go out and make new ones. My husband was my best friend and we were perfectly happy just living in our own little bubble, we didn’t need to socialise.
You’re right about your sons but they simply can’t understand what you’re experiencing. It’s definitely one of those things that nobody can understand unless they’ve experienced it themselves. Your comments were very poignant to me as I really can empathise with you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I truly feel for you.
I know just how you feel. I’m at 7 months and its just so hard. We were together for 52 years and married for 48. This is not the life i want. Everything has changed and i dont know what to do. Now I am alone. There are so many of us going through this terrible grief. I dont know where i belong. I dont feel like a part of anything. Im sorry for your loss.
Hi all
I lost my Husband to Pancreatic cancer ten months ago, 11 weeks he suffered then passed away.
Im having counselling, the first few weeks passed without making any difference until she explained that this room and this hour was purely for me,to escape the world,the pretence that all was okay, it was just for me,to talk,cry,get angry,sad etc.That helped-I now am totally selfish in my sessions and its all about me and my feelings.
Few of us put ourselves first but what ive realised is i have to take care of me, love me how my Husband would of,because no one else is going to.I have struggled with friends of 40+years whom i thought i knew and would always be there for me,but they haven’t sadly,another loss along the way!.
But some have really stepped up and they matter to me now.Its lonely because they do have their own life.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and ive learnt a lot about me in the past 10 months.
So those of you who this happened to more recently- learn to be your own champion,be selfish,do whatever you need to to get by.
Yes, 3 years soon for me, and given the traumer of my wifes passing, i still have daily flashbacks. Linda was only 58, so my future crumbled within 4hours. I cope because i have a daughter and grandaughter who both need my love support. I have said on another thread that it is the magpie syndrome, as everyone has a superstition. Sadly, we are the lone magpies. It is expremely hard and brave to throw yourself back into the world after a life with your soulmate. Stay safe allen.
After 11 weeks on my own, seeing no-one over Christmas, made worse for BT fault, so couldn’t contact anyone, and my family living 100 miles away, I have been totally on my own, and again at Easter just the same. I try to go to Church once a week, but then back home, silence, no-one to talk to. I feel some days, especially in the evening, is life worth living after 55 years together with my partner. Very difficult to move on.
Percybella, Sorry for your loss. Our village church does a coffee morning once a month if you are lucky with cake. My wife of 52 years passed a year. I am lucky that there is quit a lot going on in my village. A bereavement cafe that meets once a month. Pickaflick which is a film and a light lunch, you get to chat over the meal. To name just 2, I also belong to a book club that my wife used to attend,
It is a horrible life we now have. I was just wondering if your church had coffee mornings, you could go to. I have been to two bereavement coffee mornings. Which are a bit strange but it gets me out and listening to people, as i have not had the confidence to say much. They talked about normal things not are bereavement. If i make myself go out, i dislike coming back to the house. I don’t like saying home at the moment as the person who made it that,is no longer here. It’s like i said something makes us keep going. Take care and look after yourself please.
Yes they do have a coffee morning, and not in the same village where I am. but I don’t drive, I’m okay to a point and just keep looking for something that might happen in the future.
I know at the moment, i am relying on the bus service. Which is not great. I am like most of us tired mentally and just one act of kindness from family or friend would help. They are lucky as they do not understand what we are going through. I know it’s a big ask ,but all i want is one of them to come up and see me, so we can go for a cup of coffee and just talk about Sue. Make me remember the good times and not the rubbish at the end. It’s 13 weeks tonight so the images are crap.
@Nightwish1 I’ve been at hopefully the lowest point of my life these last few days, then out of the blue today I received 2 calls from old friends today.
The first was from someone I hadn’t seen since the 60s. He lost his wife 3 years ago to Alzheimer’s so knows what losing a partner means. Had a long chat with him in which he revealed he was one of the judges on the beauty contest my wife won in 1965. As he was a well known barber/hairdresser in my hometown, the Mayor asked him to be a judge. I had no idea of that. He’s coming to the internment of her ashes next week, so will be great to meet up.
The second was a video call from a Spanish friend I hadn’t seen since he popped into my house about 10 years ago, when he lived in UK. I had spent a few days with him when he lived in Palma, Mallorca, in the early 2000s.
He now lives near Santander, Spain having spent a few years living in the US. He wants me to go over, when I’m ready, to spend some time with him and his wife. He lives in the mountains and showed me how beautiful it is there my taking me on a tour with his phone. As he’s now retired, he can spend a lot of time with me. He really liked my wife when him and his family popped into our house, so wants to pay respect by looking after me. As we are both guitarist as well, we may be able to have a few sessions.
So, while I’m still crying, today has been a better one
That is excellent. I happy for you. To get two calls like that. I hope its given you the lift you needed. If you need to talk just post on here. I know we are all going through this. So we all understand.
I went up to the church today to light a candle 
for Sue 3 months i did it on the 2nd month. I am not religious it was just something i wanted to do. I did not think i would do this but i asked why ? It is good news on your calls. Take care and look after yourself.
I’ve just finished a third call with an old friend, in Wales, who lost his partner in January. I’m staying a couple of nights with him next week. He’s arranging for us to go out on the Tuesday night before the internment.
I am not all religious either but did go down to the church where we had the funeral, a couple of days afterwards. Just because I wanted to as well. The church was empty and peaceful.
Take care as well