…today…has been my lowest ebb so far…6 months in…just wanted to share on here as this is my safe place…love to all 
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Sorry to hear that and sending best wishes for a better day tomorrow.
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Stay strong.
I’m not as far as you, but I know the feeling of the awful days. I keep thinking I’m having a hard day, but there’s often an easier one the day after. Then back to the horrible ones. It’s constant ups and downs isn’t it.
I try to look at it as a positive that at least every time I have an awful day, I at least know that I’ve got through another day, good or bad. I’ve managed to get through another day. That’s all we can do.
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So sorry that you are also having a tough day again. What a terrible nightmare we are existing in. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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I know @UnityMan its a roller-coaster isnt it ? I think sometimes the most simple thing can set us off ? Today is first time i have not actually been in tears for about 4 days … think its cos i was busy and went out - sometimes i think distractions do help xxx
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@UnityMan Do you have family and friends that support you? I know it doesn’t help reduce the pain or change your loss, I just wondered if support was at hand?
I lost my partner suddenly and unexpectedly on the 29th Jan, one week after you. He was 49 and I’m 57 no age at all to be dealing with this loss.
I wasn’t fortunate to have the years that you did and I’m sure you miss her dreadfully. The missing him for me, seems the hardest part and I could rip myself to shreds thinking of everything we didn’t get the opportunity to do.
My saving grace is I go to work and I have two adult children still living at home so I have company.
I can’t change your situation and nothing I say will stop your pain and heart ache. But hopefully by sharing how it is, we can get through it.
Just an idea but maybe make a list of what you want to happen next, what do you want to aim for, just one thing and realistically, what will help you get there. Just writing it down might help to achieve it. Just something small, something achievable. Then when that’s done, write the next thing.
You can do this, you’ve got through to today, and you will get through today.
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@UnityMan
It is six months for me too, and I have had the most awful week. Even worse than the first few weeks.
Sending best wishes x
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I understand exactly where you are coming from since I lost my husband in November 2022. I have had an intense loneliness with it and feel wasted as I gave up work at that time. I have however got out of the house to meet other people and groups, which has been interesting. Things will get better in the end if you just don’t give up and keep going. Exercise helps, so does activities and interests, but most important is knowing you are not alone. God has a plan and purpose for you and he loves you.
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It’s 5 months since I lost my better half and I have bad and oaky days. Today is proving to be a very bad day. I have real trouble going out and doing anything different on my own so I decided, foolishly, to see the doctor. Rather than listen to my concerns for my mental health, I am pretty certain I am suffering from major anxiety along with depression, she has put me forward for lots of physical tests. Today was a blood test but all I can think is how last year my husband had numerous tests and nobody ever told him what the problem was until it was too late. I am very distrustful of the NHS but need to have things checked out for the sake of my kids. After I got back from the doctor I decided to make a long awaited hair appointment…big mistake as I just broke down. Still they know me and they were very kind but again it’s just trying to do something that was normal before “the event”, as my autistic son calls it, but that now seems rather pointless. I know that I won’t suddenly wake up and feel better because he was a huge part of my life for nearly 44 years but ranting and whatever on the forum can really help.
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It certainly is a rollercoaster. I think I have had 3 good days since my husband died 6 weeks ago. Yesterday was one of them but I had a lot of good news. My finances look like they are being sorted by my adviser. I received a tax rebate. My squeaky chair was fixed. I had a big refund from an overpayment I made by accident into my bank. I had my hair cut. I received a bouquet of flowers from my bank after I reported a scam phone call and told them I was recently widowed. Tomorrow. Will be awful as it would have been our 50th wedding anniversary
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Dear Pudding, It is lovely that you had a really good day and such good news. It is hard to have no financial security or even the threat of losing the house. I still have to wait for the outcome of my claim from the travel insurance and also fight for a company pension. It might be that I have to go to a solicitor to get advice. It is just such a horrible situation we are all in. And my social anxiety does not make it easier. It will be five month tomorrow that he left me suddenly and unexpectedly. I already survived his birthday (three weeks after he died), Easter, and several Bank holidays. I still have to suffer my birthday in August (I will be 63), our 16th wedding anniversary in December, and Christmas and New Year. It is lovely that your bank sends you flowers for reporting a scam call. The number 14 seems to have a big meaning in my life with my husband. We got married on the 14th of December, my husband died 14th of February, and his funeral took place on the 14th of March this year. I am wishing you lot of strength for tomorrow. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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The 14th December is my birthday. I can’t think that far ahead. Just need to survive tomorrow. A neighbour has said if I need company just to ring as we are all different. She lost her husband 7 years ago and all she wanted to do was be alone on her anniversary to howl and cry. I am trying to be more positive. He wouldn’t have wanted me to be miserable and to try and remember the 50 wonderful years we did have
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And so the day has dawned. He must be watching. Since he died I have been unable to find his omega watch. I found it this morning. He must have known how much it was upsetting me this one silly thing. I am already in tears
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Dear Pudding, I am convinced that our loved ones are still around us and helping us as good as they can. I had problems deleting photos from his camera because I hardly used it and yesterday by chance I found the box with the manual in it. Maybe it is just our imagination but even so it is a comforting thought and helps us through that horrible time. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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I yhink it makes a massive difference if you have family still at home … my kids are grown up now with families of their own … x
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@Deb5 Totally agree all my kids have grown and two have family of their own, 2 just won’t bloody leave lol 29 and 34. Jokes aside, I’m glad they still here, for now lol
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Hi All
Everyone seems so positive
I’m afraid struggling
Paul (hubby) of 44years died 24th July 2022
Unfortunately I don’t have good days I gave bad days and really really bad days have done since the minute I lost my soulmate
The pain is as you all know excruciating
I’m having counselling since 3rd October
When I go out I see couples in car Motorhome’s we had one
Couples walking hand in hand we did
Couples in coffee shops
Couple older than us
The list is endless
We have no family Paul was a twin …… they have been my support
My family not so … farmers daughter syndrome
I have a couple of really close friends and yes you certainly find out who your friends are
Sorry for bleak post but this is how I’m feeling
Lost alone and utterly heartbroken
Xx
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I’m thinking of you Bess. I lost my husband very recently and like you don’t have children. I’ve just woken up stressed, having been dreaming about all the things I need to do which I can’t cope with. I’ve never wanted to rely on other people except my beloved but now I have to be a different person and it’s hard.
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Take care and look after yourself x
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It is hard t relying on other people apart frim your husband . Thing i found the hardest was just missing him physically being there 
its early days though so just keep caring for yourself - lots.of self care xxx
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