Hi unityman
Saturday coming up our 45th wedding anniversary
Also a year since Paul’s funeral
I chose the funeral day
To me it seemed ‘right’
We’d been together 44 years
I so miss him… life on my own just seems pointless
I know he would be saying
Come on Sylv you can do this
But…… can I ??
Xx
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Totally with you…today has been a nightmare…could melt down in a second…keep telling myself I can’t do this…but I do…everyday…but I don’t want to…so feel like I’m not being honest with myself…but what other choice have we got?..it’s like a nightmare…but it’s real…
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I know how that feels @Jazpur my partner died on the 6th Jan this year from Acute myeloid leukaemia. On the 9th Jan I had to have my cat put to sleep as she had leukaemia too.
It was all kind of surreal and a complete blur. I feel guilty because I couldn’t spend time with her when she was near the end as I was 60 miles away at the hospital with my partner. I’d had her for over 16 years, we’d been through a lot together and I don’t feel I gave her the end she deserved but I just didn’t have anything left in me 
Sending big hugs, you can only do your best x
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Your feelings are so familiar to me - that feeling of nausea and pain - everything feels so very unreal. It is 8 months on for me but still feels like yesterday. My only advice is to try to do one thing a day, find one thing that gives you relief or even a bit of joy and see as many people you can talk to as possible. Things will change, but try to stay strong and cry when you have to. Sending hugsx
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@UnityMan, I lost my dear husband seven months ago and this week has been very challenging for me. I try and take a walk each day and keep to some sort of routine but I can suddenly become lost in grief again.
Seeing the sight of Christmas things in the shops is making me very distressed and depressed, particularly as my husband was very poorly in a nursing home over Christmas and New Year. He passed away on 10 January, The thought of living through that time is bad enough but with the heartbreaking memories I wish I could just hibernate.
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Hibernation would fantastic. If we could just wake up and the grief be less. I don’t know what I will do at Christmas. We always spent it alone. It is also my birthday just before. Just need to wait and see. I day at a time. Wish the weather would get warmer then my knees might not hurt quite so much. Could just me that I am having to do so much more with my darling husband gone and can’t afford more care.
Hugs xx
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Rome18 I’m with you…my Sandie got ill last November and was in hospital all over Christmas until she died 22 Jan. I’ve already spoken at length with both my kids and my Councellor about how much I am dreading this Christmas…but how can you avoid it? I have her 67th birthday to negotiate first on 19 August…despite my efforts to carry on I find it’s getting more difficult not easier. Sending love 
I am just absolutely dreading the time from beginning of December until when Richard passed away, then of course the horrors of grieving and so it goes on. Over the past three years with Richard’s declining health and lockdown, there was just the two of us with people popping in.
I am sure your knees are worse because you are having to do more now. So sorry.
Sending hugs xx
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At least I didn’t put on any more weight this week though I doubt my neighbours apple cake will help with that. Diet gradually becoming better. Looking at the calories on ready meals. Making sure I have fruit each day. Finding other options to frozen and chilled. Restricting cakes, crisps and biscuits. Xx
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UnityMan, I have felt a lot worse this week and I have put it down to subconsciously thinking about the pending horrific memories on the horizon.
It may be the same with you because Sandie was in hospital more or less the same time as Richard was in the nursing home, and they passed away within 12 days of each other.
You also soon have Sandie’s birthday to cope with. No wonder you are finding life more difficult.
Sending love
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