Yeh i know ! Poor world 
i didnt want this ā¦ thats what makes it so unfair
I was scared to see my husband and I had bad anxiety at the time anyway. I felt so odd in myself. But Iām
So glad I went. Initially I was scared as Iāve never really seen someone dead before, I did my Nan when I was a teenager but I didnāt think it looked like her, so I was expecting the same.
My husband however looked exactly the same, just like he was sleeping. His colour was just as if he was still alive. In a way it made it harder to leave him, my brain wasnāt registering he was dead, the only thing that did, was seeing his coffin lid, with his name and age on, strangely enough. That was like a knife to my heart.
Iād say better to go than live with the regret you didnāt. Take someone with you, if possible x
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Kat1984
Yes im with you on your comments exactly although i would say go alone. For me it wasnt a scary experience at all. More comforting
Jx
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I completely agree with you ā¦ i thought exactly the same ā¦ so hard leaving him ā¦ oh its making me cry now thinking about his lovely face ! The face i loved for 37 years 
the face i wonāt see again
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Iāve just come back from seeing my OH and part of me wishes I didnāt go. As soon as I saw the coffin I broke down, I had to ask his family to go and see him first to see what they thought. They said heās still him, come on so I approached the coffin slowly and as soon as I saw him I knew it wasnāt him. His family kept saying he looked like he was sleeping but he didnāt look like that to me. For a man who was always so full of life, always laughing and smiling to just be lying there lifeless with a downturned mouth left me broken. Obviously he wasnāt going to be smiling but his mouth was almost a frown. I thought I would be able to hold his hand and speak to him but his arms were tucked at his sides and he had a see through white netting over him from the neck down. We all had a bit of time alone with him and I thought Iād be able to speak to him and say goodbye but I couldnāt. It wasnāt him, he wasnāt there. I said a few things and explained to him I knew he wasnāt there and Iām sorry that I couldnāt say everything I needed to say. I gave him a kiss but he was really cold. I left there feeling numb, like I knew heās not around in any form anymore. His family said at least you said goodbye but I donāt feel like I did. I didnāt feel close to him down there at all. I feel closer to him at home. His family are going back down again before the funeral but Iām not going to. Iāll remember how he was when he was alive 
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Firstly that took a lot of courage to do, so that was very brave of you. It takes strength to follow through on a decision like that.
Hopefully it has given you some kind of closure?
Many people have said the same as you that it is not their loved one but unless you go, how do you know? and at least now you wonāt torture yourself with regret if you hadnāt gone.
It would break me into a million pieces to see Jim still and lifeless. Sometimes we have to focus on life not death. I remember when my dad passed someone sent me the dash poem. Google it, it makes so much sense. Basically when we visit a cemetery our eyes and brain immediately go to the dates, date of birth and date of death and never see the little dash between the dates and that is what we should look at because that was the personās life in-between. When I go to a cemetery now I look at that dash and wonder about the personās life and that they were once, laughing, happy and enjoying life
Lyn
X
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In a strange way I feel like I now know for sure heās not around anymore. I havenāt felt him around me since heās been gone and now I really feel that he was right when he said thereās nothing after death The man I loved for 17 years has gone forever. I was going to put a letter in for him, I tried to write it last night but I had a few attempts and nothing felt right. The funeral directors said there was no rush and that I could put the letter in at any time before the cremation but now I donāt feel like thereās any point in doing that. I no longer feel like heās around anywhere to read it 
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Oh hun, itās such a hard thing to do and it was never going to be easy. My Rich had deteriorated so much they wouldnāt let me see him and that broke my heart. I did get to see him at the coronas and I had the exact experience you had and that was only two days in. He was cold and nothing there was my man. Itās so hard and another debilitating thing to go through. Iām sorry youāve had to go through this. Thinking of you.
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I honestly donāt think any of this grief makes sense until we gradually learn to let go of our loved oneās and it is then at acceptance stage the peace and loves coming through. Well that was my experience when my dad passed who I absolutely adored.
As human beings we donāt like to lose control, we fight it, try to change it, deny it and torture ourselves with could have, would have, should have and anything and everything except let go because death is totally out of our control. It can not be undone, changed or anything else
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Your experience of loss and not feeling him around is just how I feel. The feelings are identical. 9 weeks on I still feel nothing, maybe because he believed that death was the end and there was nothing. Just like your partner.
Very personal and after reading the above replies, I know I definitely did the right thing for myself by not visiting. Thatās not how I want to remember him.
I donāt feel guilty and he definitely would understand.
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I donāt want to let him go He was the love of my life. I was so desperate to believe in something after death but I no longer have any hope that there is. It feels final now, like forever final not just this lifetime final
I also believe thereās nothing now
I think people cling onto the smallest of things to bring themselves comfort and I can completely understand why. I feel like spiritualists and mediums just say random vague things that could apply to anyone or do some research on you first just to make a few quid. Iām just completely broken after seeing him
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I know its hard isnt it ? It isnt them i agree but i was just happy to see that face i loved for so long ā¦ i wonāt ever forget that lovely face ā¦ such a handsome man x
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I will in time go and see a medium. Just out of curiosity but I will give it time. I visited a medium years ago and she told me things about my family that I didnāt know. My mum confirmed stuff when she heard the recording. She said that on the other side some people have to adjust and some struggle with dying so need time. So I know I will go but under the current circumstances, Iām not expecting to hear anything.
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Of course you donāt, none of us do. If it gives you any hope, I had a very clear sign from Jim as I explained re my sofa and also from my dad when he passed. Neither of them believed in any afterlife but yet they came to tell me there is but I believe they are in a different form, I believe everything is energy and energy exists forever. That is however only my belief but the signs were very real.
Give yourself time to absorb everything and you will receive a sign but not while you are immersed in pain. Try and rest now and take your mind off things because what you have just been through was traumatic and Iām sorry if it offends those that feel itās comforting to see a deceased person
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Lostlil
If you saw the medium i saw you would not feel this way. The stuff she said no one could have guessed. She even had my Mum come through telling her of the baby she gave up for adoption. Only a handful of people know that. I believe even though i have always been sceptical.
Peace
Jx
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The problem with mediums is there are so many charlatans out there that take advantage of vulnerable grieving people. I would always go via a spiritualist church. They never charge either.
If our loved oneās can connect via a medium then they can certainly connect directly through us but many grieving people are in too much heartbreak and pain to receive anything. It all takes time
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Some people do find it comforting but itās not for everyone. A few people told me they felt better after going to see their deceased relatives. My OH himself was glad he went to see his dad when his dad passed. I didnāt find it comforting at all but his family are going back down to see him again and they were glad they went to see him today. I didnāt go and see my partners dad with him when he passed and my partner understood why I didnāt. My partners death just hit me harder than any death Iāve ever experienced and I desperately wanted to feel close to him again, obviously that didnāt happen. Iāll never go and see anybody else that way again though.
Sarlyn. You are right. Most mediums ive found are not genuine. Its so disappointing.
Jx
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