Lost my partner 12 weeks ago.The last 2 days im not coping at all.Tired of trying its just getting to hard .Im so alone and frightened and wish every night that i wont wake up .
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Dear Hope5 - so sorry for your loss & that you have had to join this forum. We are all part of a group we never wanted to belong to. I have known the feeling of loneliness & fear that you are suffering. I am nearly 2 years without my lovely husband, but I still suffer and miss his so much. Hope you find some words on this site that help you. Take care. xx 
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Hope5…we all feel like you do…I’m 5 months in now and every night when I go to bed I hope I don’t wake up…but I do…and get up…and get through the day…somehow…then go to bed again…rinse and repeat. For now that’s all there is…I await a spark of an idea of how I can ’ move forward’…but until this happens…I carry on…one day at a time…look no further than that…sending love your way 
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It’s 4 months for me and I feel the same.
I feel so, so sad as we would be booking our summer holiday in August now.
I get panic attacks when I think I’ll never get to be on holiday with Steve again.
I wish I knew how people coped with the sensations of panic when they have these thoughts.
I try to breathe through the panic attack but it doesn’t always help me.
I too wish all this fear, anxiety, worry, loneliness. And despair would end.
Xxx
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I’m 5 months now also have panic attacks if I think forward so try not to think about tomorrow until tomorrow, it’s so very difficult
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Thankyou sorry your suffering too .I feel like ive no will to live tbh.What is there to look forward to when your alone in the world xxx
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Dear Hope5 - I feel the same. I don’t look forward to much nowadays. I do things, but it is not the same without the person you loved so much. I sometimes wish it had been me & not him, I think he would have coped better than I do. But we are still here & somehow have to get through day to day, week to week, month to month, until it is our time. It is totally crap really. xx
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Hi unity man its what i try to do and have done for the last 12 weeks and dont see any spark or glimmer of hope .Ive no family here one friend who has her own family .So what future have i on my own .Ive lost all confidence .xx
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Hi its such a desolate situation we did every thing together il.have no more holidays meals out days away .Im not outgoing at all how do i ever move forward by myself it scares me xxx
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Have you had any counselling? I know it does not work for everyone. I had some from the hospice & it helped in so much as I could say what I wanted, things I could not say to family & friends. But I think I could do with some now, as I am not in a great place myself. This is why I ended up at this site. xx
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Yes i have and have more starting next tuesday xx
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Hi rugby thanks and sorry your having panic attacks .I suffer with anxiety and it seems ti get worse at night when i go to bed xx
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Good luck with the counselling. Let us know how it goes. It can be tough, but tell them how you are feeling. Get it all out. xx
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… I’m with you…I see no future that I want…I’ll even take a future that I can tolerate…but what else can we do other than wait for that glimmer…and in the meantime endure Groundhog Day…
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Thanks its over the phone but im also waiting for group bevevment councilling hopefully meet new people xx
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The group meeting sounds good - I think that is what I could do with. To feel like I am not a freak. The good thing about this site is that I can see from other comments/posts that what I think/feel is normal. There are so many thoughts in my head that I need to get out & friends/family do not understand or want to hear them. I am meant to be over it! Like you get over losing the best thing in your life. xx
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@Hope5 and everyone its exactly 3 months today i suddenly lost my husband to a cardiac arrest whilst out cycling. Some days i am getting through the day and others i am so scared of the future. I have medication for anxiety and panic attacks which takes the edge off it. I will never understand why he was taken when he had some much living to do. We were just about to retire and had so many plans. I am so sad we wont do them now. Sending love to all going through groundhog day too.
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Know you your saying it’s very much Groundhog Day one day just goes into another, I’m 5 months now not yet returned to work go no motivation to do so people say returning to work will do me good can’t see it thou , I’m now on half pay been asked if I can afford to take that it my reply is can’t afford not to for my own wellbeing the thought of returning to work makes me so anxious
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It’s 1month for me. I too would love not to wake up. The days seem to go on for an eternity especially as after my husband died I had to employ carers. The only time I could get was 7a.m days are really long. Have an assessment for counselling coming up. I am trapped in the house at present as I don’t feel able to go to my local centre but feel I must soon or I never will which will be very bad for my mental health.
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Hi freefaller ,pudding and everyone on this journey I appreciate all your responses it makes a world of difference knowing you all understand xxx
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