I know how you feel. As others have said I hate the start of a new day but have to put on a brave face for my children, young adults, who live at home. Good luck with the counselling. I hope you get something from it - I am also having counselling but not finding that it’s making a difference, to be honest. I am also on Mitrazapine for anxiety and helping with sleep, but not sure if it’s making me feel any better.
I am 8 months down the line. It just feels like a life sentence.
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Hi, I’m 5 and a half weeks into my grief. I lost my partner, my home any I had to given up my dogs as I don’t know where I’m going to be living. I’ve lost everything and people so it’ll be better if you go back to work. I Just can’t see it x
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I share your desperation - sending my love. Words are insufficient. x
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Hi warriner my councilling went well she is a loveley lady .The berevment group doasnt start until October. But i read on this forum every day and its helped me so much so thanks for being there means a lot xxxHope 5 xx
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Hi Hope5 - thank you for replying to me & I am really glad to hear that your counselling went well for you. Stick with it - it does help. In my experience it does not get easier, it just doesn’t hurt as much every day. Our lives will never be the same or not the lives we ever wanted, but we do learn somehow to live with it. Keep on this forum & post as much as you need to. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Take care. Alison xx
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Hi i totally agree with you we grow around the grief some how .Its 13 weeks for me since my partner died ,seems like yesterday .I get such a lot of comfort on this forum and il take all the help i can get thankyou xxx
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Hi - I am 2 years next month & still struggling. My darling husband was only 61. I never ever thought I would lose him. When he lost his life I lost mine, all our plans, hopes, dreams, everything gone. I still miss him more than I can ever express, even typing this I have tears in my eyes. I cannot even look at photos of him, it just hurts too much. I am lucky in one respect, if you can call it luck, we lost my dad 15 months before my hubby and my 81 year old mum has literally kept me alive. Without her I would have just ended it, but I could not do it to her. That woman is a force of nature, believe me. She has kept me going all this time. The trouble is I cannot tell her how I really feel, as it upsets her, & so called friends have no clue as to what my life is like, how sad I am or how I feel. This place has been a godsend to me these last few weeks. I have gone downhill these past few weeks remembering how it was 2 years ago & knowing the end was coming. Sorry to be so maudlin but it is just the memories. Keep going & keep up the counselling. xxx
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I wish to be humanly put to sleep. Donate my organs to those who want to live and let me go. Simon and I had no children. He was quite literally my world from the moment we met to the minute he died. I now have nothing but a rubbish job, no interests, and long days and nights. I have tv on but just sit looking out of the window or at his photograph. Waiting, just to die and be with him. Simon would be beside himself knowing I am in this much pain with no one to make me feel better, which would be him. So this saying… “he would want you to live your life”. Doesn’t ring true because of the pain I am in. Something I can’t even begin to explain. It’s cruel to be made to live with this if I want to go.
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… totally get it …
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It’s is very early days for you @Rammie and your husband was very young. My husband passed away 26 weeks ago and I would have given anything to have joined him and, at times, still do, but I know he would want me to try and live as well as I am able. I call it existing and, no, I do not like my existence, but for his memory, I will try.
I won’t deny it’s awful, some days I would rather stay in bed than face another day. I have support from my brother and friends and FaceTime family who live abroad, but nobody or anything will ever fill that black hole that’s by my side every hour of every day.
Take every hour/day at a time, that’s what I do, remembering my wonderful husband.
Love and hugs x
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So sorry you sound real down at the moment .I do understand beleve me every day that ends i think a day nearer to him .I carnt possibly look to the future its to daunting right now but hope and pray we all find some peace soon wish we could all meet take care xxxx
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Thinking of you. I’m sure you knew Simon better than anyone. The fact that you feel this way just shows how much devoted love you had. Look at his photo and ask him out loud “What do I do with my life now?”, I’m sure it will be a positive answer from him. xx
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I read yesterday that grief is just love with no where to go ,made sense to me .xxx
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Absolutely right, makes sense to me as well.
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@Rome18 @Hope5 @youareunbelievable @UnityMan thank you all for the replies. I know it’s early days and I am trying to be positive. But I have no reason or point of being here. If we had children it would be different. I would see him in them. And he would never want me to leave them. I know he wouldn’t want me in this pain. As I wouldn’t with him. I wouldn’t kill myself because it won’t be fair on those who found me. Hence the human euthanasia. And I honestly cannot see me felling any different in a years time. I will probably be at the stage where I would do it myself. I have no fear. Things that used to frighten me like thunderstorms. Being attacked while walking out alone at night. I am indifferent to it all. I used to jump at loud noises or a tummy flip if someone overtook and looked like they might hit me. None of these affect me at all. 
. And that is not living. Because every experience that happens now I have no reaction too.
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@Rammie im the same as you, i used to have alot of worries about stuff but now i couldnt guve a crap about anything. Sorry this isnt a more positive post, just having a bad ñight xx
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If you ever want to chat, we are always here. I am in Lincs too.
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Do you have friends or family for support? 
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Simon family live in London. Mine live in Derby. We settled here because we were in between the two. We met in Peterborough. We live in South Kesteven. Friends have their own lives. They all think I am ok. I don’t say otherwise. I do the walking. Sometimes 5 miles a day. I work. Get up every day at same time go to bed at same time. I go to Sue Ryder bereavement group at my local doctors. I go to a charity group for people who have lost their partners. I am doing all the crap I am meant to be doing. But if don’t enjoy them. I put on a smile for folks around. We look she is so brave, doing well etc. I am going through the motions because there is no legal way to kill myself and get out of this so called life. And don’t want to be selfish and take good organs that 2/4 people could have a life they want. Everyone through your life says do what you want, it’s your life. Well, let’s think people. Not exactly true is it ?!?
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Hi I lost my Husband of 51yrs 9 weeks ago &it’s hard very hard I sometimes go to bed at night & pray I won’t wake up in the morning.Even when I leave the house with family I feel so guilty as though I shouldn’t be going and I feel like I want to go back home as quick as I can. I have got an appointment with a bereavement cafe at the hospice where my husband sadly passed away so hopefully that will help just even to listen how other people are or have coped with the loss.
Reading these comments helps me th think we are all feeling the same & looking for some guidance.
Good luck everyone x
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