These feelings are something we all seem to go through so although they are saddening and unpleasant, there must be a reason for why we all collectively go through them which i try to use and take comfort from the fact that I’m not alone in these emotions and that they are therefore a natural reaction so shouldn’t feel guilty or isolated about. It’s a terrible place to be, it’s an all consuming feeling and i don’t know if we will ever get through it properly. I can only hope that if i keep trying, one day all the sadness that i feel every time i thing about my darling girl becomes more of a happiness at the love and wonderful life we made together rather than simply mourning my loss every time a memory of her pops into my mind. I hope you find your peace, i hope we all do. This is a great place to find support from people who actually understand what we are all going through and you need to keep going and reaching out. We are the best chance we all have of healing, even just a little. Love to everyone on this most difficult of journeys xx♥️
Think it is something we all have to go through , it’s 5 months since I lost David he was 58 I’m stil struggling with panic attacks not as yet returned to work the thought of it makes me panic my senior nurse told me the longer I leave the harder it will get , what does she know
Danielle
I know how you’re feeling. Im nearly 9 months down the line but still finding life difficult without my husband. I try to keep busy and socialise a bit, but i feel empty inside and strggle to see the point in anything. All we can do is take one hour at a time and hope that in time life will seem a bit more bearable. Love and strength to you.
That’s all we can hope for that it will get more bearable
Dear Hope5 - so sorry for your loss and I feel your pain and understand what you are saying about wanting not to wake up.
I lost my husband 13 weeks ago after nearly 40 years of marriage (short by 2 weeks). I was also a career for him.
As someone else has said on here that we are all part of a group we never wanted to belong to, but we are searching for that support which is hard to find at times.
I have felt a bit like you were I just want to go to sleep to be with my husband, but my husband would kick my ass and tell me to get on with it and I imagine your husband would be the same as you have to find some love and great memories from the love he left you.
This is so hard to write as I am full of grief myself and everyday I cry my eyes out.
Be strong and chase mental health nurses and support groups up to help you.
My husband died suddenly four months ago - my soulmate for 30 years . I have no idea how to make a life without Rick. We all share the brutality of grief. My love to everyone. x
Hi Debora 123 and everyone on this journey just a catch up ,its 13weeks and i live in hope day by day that there will a life worth living again .Not the life we had but something new and different and have some peace and happiness once more that is what my partner would want for me .He loved life and fought cancer with everybit of strengh in his body ,but cancer won .But i feel him with me every day and have more positive days now than at the start .Im having councilling now which helps .I do get loneley but he would say get yourself out for a walk meet people take every opportunity that comes your way .So today is a positive day . This forum and all of you give me hope and support so thankyou and hope we all in time will find peace .xxxx
it’s such a sad bad time.you have been dealt a severe blow.your mind at this moment is struggling to cope…each day is a fight to try and live…your partner would want you to fight and carry on…it will be hard but you need toit won’t be easy and will take time to even get your head around your sadness.hope you can
Agree with all you said. My husband, lung cancer. 28th Feb dead by 25th April. And last 12 days in hospital. He wanted to come home but never made it. I am ready to go to. Sooner the better. “God” is meant to answer your prayers. That’s not true either. I need to apply for a passport so I can travel abroad and get to him as soon as I can.
Sending you hugs …
@Freefaller , it’ll be 3 months for me on Monday when I too lost my husband to a sudden cardiac arrest aged 58. We too were discussing retiring and all the things we were going to do. He was in the process of building our dream home which I don’t want to now think about or see again. I feel like my life has ended.
It’s so hard isn’t it. We’d bought a holiday chalet in Devon with our 2 daughters and were so looking forward to spending time there instead of the odd weekend. My friend came with me last week, i love it there, its peaceful and calm. I scattered some of his ashes in his favourite spots. Its bitter sweet there for me now. But i know he’d want me to go and enjoy it. I do feel robbed of our future together. He’d worked so hard all his life and should have got to enjoy his retirement. He was slim and fit. It will never make sense to me. Sending lits of love
It’s 8 weeks since I lost my husband to the dreaded cancer I nursed him at home before he went into the hospice for the last few days & I was able to stay there with him.I wake up on a morning & can’t wait for the day to be over. just feel lost & empty .
Good luck to all x
Hi Danielle. Yes, one hour at a time is the best way - I let the grief wash over me and then try to carry on with my day. It feels like walking through treacle at times but I seem to be carrying on.
Meeting my sister in law and father in law today, which I always find tough. I see more if them now than I ever used to - but he should be coming with me…
Me too. I see my father in law every other weekend. He lives in London where my husband is from. I feel close to Simon there. And talking to someone who knows Simon and loves him like I do helps for an odd few hours. But then you have to return to home and the crap life we have. Wishing you the best. Xx
I am pleased to hear that you have a nice relationship with your father in law. That sounds like a real comfort for you. But yes, that’s the really hard bit isn’t it? Coming home to an empty house to yet another night in front of a TV which I put on as background noise, mostly.
Hope your day goes as well as it can do. Sending a big hug to you.
Lost my husband of 54 years 10 months ago, I just cope one day at a time. Have lovely family who help but once home on my own the tears come. Feel so lost without him, did most things together and so miss his company, feels like it will never get any better.
Titch1
I lost my husband of over 54 years 2 years and 7 months ago so I understand where you are coming from. For me all I can say it does get easier as time goes by but it will never be the same again. I have lots of support from my children and grand children and I hope you are lucky enough to have supportive people around you. It is a very slow process and is very painful to live through but I am gradually getting some sort of life back. It’s not the life I ever wanted but there is a life after such a terrible loss. I do hope you will find the strength and support to rebuild your life. Best wishes to you.
Carol
Yes I do have a lovely supportive family, for which I am so blessed, it’s just the bleakness of it all which is so hard. It’s good to know that with time it will get easier it’s just living in the moment is hard.
Hi, just read your message and can identify with it having lost my mother on the 5th of January having been her principle carer and who I lived with, she died in my arms in the evening in her hospital bed in her lounge at the end of a very long battle with dementia, we were alone in the house, I just wanted to die in my sleeping bag and would have done so had I not been found and I have been diagnosed with suffering a form of battle field trauma(It can be brought on by any situation of extreme stress and I suppose on the scale of 1-10 your mother dying in your arms is 11) I do not know your personal circumstances and you do not say anything about your partner or what led up to the demise and sometimes that can be as stressful as the death itself and in my case being the last man in and everyone else dead in my family I had to make all the arrangements my self and to some extent that forced me to pull my self together and I find my self living alone, you should get a front door remote intercom if you do not already have one, anyone living alone following a serious trauma is in a venerable situation and should consider there security and it is a good idea to know who is at the door BEFORE answering it and do not forget the door chain either AND LEAVE IT ON UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY OPEN THE DOOR.
As far as getting used to living on your own goes that is an individual matter, take small steps to start with, there will be days when it looks as if there is no point in going on, for my own part I have spent 13 years living alone in Liverpool away from home in a bedshit and I tend to be a very self contained person so NOT being a party animal actually helps me to cope better with the loneliness and has made me more self sufficient, I tend to be content with my own company and do not try to build my life around other people, I may one day get a pet. I have taken new interest and play balls on Thursday afternoons, have joined a monthly lunch club and am an active member of the local church in addition to working on a steam engine for a small boat so I keep busy and that is part of the secret to, you have loved and have been loved in return and one day you may love again, it is a time for courage and a time for faith and we all have to pick our selves up and reinvent ourselves and the best way you can honour your partner is to make a success of your new life, that is life, it throws things at us, that does not matter, it is how we deal with them that counts, do not consider ending it just yet, that would be a cop out, people are like nations, those that go down fighting rise again, those that role over never do, better to die manning the bren gun than to live on your knees, very painful for me, I have bad knees and Quinn, the world famous clairvoyant picked up on that when I went to see her, the name coming through to her most strongly was Frank (my father who died in 2008) perhaps you should see Quinn, she is at 168 Duke street, Southport. it may help bring you piece, we never get over a real bereavement, we just get used to it and only you know how you really feel,
let me suggest a book to you, its ‘You are not alone’ by Cariad Lloyd who was the creator and host of Griefcast, may God give you strength and direction in the weeks and months ahead.
Tim
Hi Titch.
You are very blest, clearly you had a wonderful marriage for more then 50 years and you say you have a family?, is there any possibility you could sell up and go and live with them?, from what you say you find it hard to cope alone and you need company and you might be better off either living with them or someone from them living with you, you need to consider this very carefully, I suspect you need your own space as well and that is also important for your own sanity and I, much as I loved my family could not have lived with them without having my own space as well and that includes my much loved and missed mother who died in January, I am basically alone accept for my sister in law and niece who both have there own lives.
Tim