Thought I’d create this to share how it feels/felt to watch your loved one die. Some find it comforting, i didn’t.
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It’s is not I watched my partner die and it is the most shocking thing ever her last breath was the worst can’t get the whole experience out of my head every day it goes through my mind over and over. But I would not change a thing as I wanted to be by her side when she Passed all our family where and my two daughters holding her hand as she went, not a nice scene but you have to be there for them nothing worse than dying alone
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I was there when my wife collapsed, I was sat with her, holding her hand, playing her favourite song, when they turned off the machines. It was the worst night of my life and haunts me still. It still makes me cry when the flashbacks come. It is a double edge sword, I am glad I was with her, just wish I didn’t have to relive it.
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Our 4 children were with my wife when she died, but I wasn’t as I was doing something I had promised her I would do, whatever the situation, as 12 others were relying on me to do it. I believe that like her parents both did to her, she went on purpose when I wasn’t there, to save me the trauma.
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Thank you for you comments. mum’s last breathe was upsetting even tho I knew what to expect, it’s something I feel almost traumised by. Mum was catholic and had the last rites, which I’m glad about, she died shortly after. Think we should’ve talked to her more but we were didn’t expect to be told she was dying i think we were in shock, it all happen so quickly plus we’re not that kind of family. Like the idea of music but in our case there was no privacy. Lady in one of the other beds on ward kept telling staff to shut the door but they didn’t. Sorry if im rambling.
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Milliemobs, my wife is Catholic too, a Franciscan order and she was a Eucharistic minister, choir member and the Minister of the local Secular order of St Francis. She died just an hour and a half before she was due to retire as minister. It seems too much of a coincidence that the job I was doing for her was directly related to that work. I believe she was called home having completed her life’s work.
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@Nigel-Marnee that’s a lovely thought. Mum died shortly after having the last rites. It was comforting but frightening as I believe she knew she was about to die. We weren’t brought up catholic so didn’t know what to do but a nurse was and helped. Mum was v active in her church and had full catholic mass - we had no idea what was going on!! There were so many people at her mass we had to leave without meeting people or we’d miss the slot at crematorium. Mum did the piety shop, every year she said if I die the xmas cards are in the wardrobe- it became a family joke.
I watched my daughter die, it was brutal. I have been left deeply traumatised by it. The consultant had said she would mostly sleep, she had a brain tumour, she didn’t sleep, it wasn’t peaceful. Everything my poor baby was scared would happen did. She was 21, she didn’t deserve the death she had, no one does.
I lie here every night reliving what she went through, it’s been 2years and it still rips me apart.
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Having had the last rites, like my wife did, will have put her at peace with God. As active Catholics thats how they see things. Yes we had a full Mass too - we found it very comforting that over 200 turned out, and the day went totally to plan. You did really well for your mum. She’d have been so proud of what you did. cxxx
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@MoBe so sorry you had to go through that I’m not a parent but can’t imagine how hard it must for a prent to lose a child.
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My loverly wife Lesley passed away 3 years ago on the 21st September 2022 at 8.45am. She had been ill for a long time and was sleeping downstairs. I came down that morning and asked if she wanted a cup of tea, which she did. I brought it into the lounge where she was and sat down by the bed. She said thanks and was just sitting up when suddenly, she looked over my shoulder and pointed both arms up in the air. She then fell back in front of me and took that awful last breath. There was just the two of us at home at the time and I’ve lived that last scene constantly ever since then and it never leaves my mind.
She passed away one month before our goldern wedding anniversary .That hour i sat with her after she passed , before the children came, will stay with me for ever. Just the two of us alone sharing that last moment together after nearly 50 years of being soul mates and sharing our lives together as one . That love will never diminish and I miss her now more than ever.
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Ball78, I hope you can take comfort that Lesley waited for you to be right there with her? I’ve come across so many times when someone has just left a room, but few where someone has just come into the room. On both occasions, both my in-laws died within the few minutes that my wife had left the room and although my 4 children were there when my wife died, I couldn’t be there, as I was running an errand I’d promised I would do for her.
Also, you say Lesley looked over your shoulder and put her arms up, rather than looking at you, I wonder what, or whom, she saw there behind you?
Take care.
I heard my mum last words wich was I can’t breathe help me so I knew she wouldn’t make it
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I lost my dad to cancer this May. He was in so much pain it was heartbreaking but he was a fighter he never wanted to give up but the cancer won. It hurts so bad watching someone you love so much someone you adore just waste away and screaming out in pain but he would still find the strength to smile,it ripped my heart out. I can’t accept that he’s gone I don’t want to, I feel so guilty just wish I could of helped him be with him more even though I was there at the end the guilt takes over me. I’m having nightmares every night and seeing evil things. I don’t want to feel better I just want him back.
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I lost my gorgeous beautiful late wife sue to cancer and I was with sue when she took the next step of her journey and I can’t seem to move on from it.i sometimes see something that I think oh I will have to tell sue about it. Then it hits me that sue isn’t there .struggling to make sense of it all
My gp said that people still talk to there passed over loved ones I lost my mum 16 years ago I still talk to her now if it brings you comfort talk to her you can’t see her but she watching you ignore what other people say talk to your loved one you never know she might give you a sign she ok
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@Nigel-Marnee mum had everything planned. Hymns, readings etc she even written her eulogy! I think she’d planned it when her friend died 20yrs ago. I remember her saying at that funeral this is what I want - i told her if I was i wasn’t going. There was a big turn out which was nice. As non catholics we had no clue what was going on. The strangest moment was when monsignor said ‘and now a reading from xx’ and a random women stood up to read. My nephew thought he was doing the reading and had practiced from weeks!! He was relieved not to do it but it had us confused particularly as we had no idea who this women was!! We were told monsignor was v conservative so be aware when choosing songs for the crem but we went with match of the day and sweet caroline, he was ok with that - not thar we’d have changed it. He and mum had a lot of banter over football so prehaps that why he was ok with it.
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@Roses so sorry that must have been so hard.
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@Alone5 I think we all feel guilty. Me - mum said she was feeling light headed the day she had her fall, if I’d gone over and stayed would she have fallen? should i have spent more time with her, probably yes but we didn’t particularly get on - i feel guilty about that too! Pain management is partly what killed mum she had a bad reaction to morphine and didn’t recover from it.
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Milliemobs. Your mum must have been well known and respected I would think. Not everyone gets a Monsignor to say Mass at their funeral. I wonder if the nephew was a Catholic? If the Monsignor was conservative he might not have felt it was appropriate for a non Catholic to do that. I think you are probably right about the football connection. He and your mum must have enjoyed a good relationship. Thank you for sharing a lovely story. xxxx
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