Ways grief changes you that people misinterpret.
You’re quieter.
Not because you don’t care, but because your heart is tired.
You cancel plans.
Not because you don’t value people, but because grief drains your energy.
You seem distant.
Not because you’ve changed, but because loss changed what matters.
You don’t laugh the same.
Not because joy is gone, but because it feels different now.
You need more time alone.
Not because you’re pushing people away, but because healing is exhausting.
Grief changes people.
It doesn’t make them cold.
It makes them human.
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Dear Alone
That’s so true, well put. My son said to me a while ago, I want my old mum back. His old mum’s gone, I came as a pair. I’m still trying to find the new mum x
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Yes this trying to find ourselves, what is that all about!!!
If like me and my husband we kept our personalities as a couple. Unlike alot of couples we witnessed over our long years together that seemed to be a big problem in their relationships. Trying to mold the person. We didn’t want to change one another! That’s who will feel deeply in love with, why would we want to change one another!!!
So guess I am saying do we need to find ourselves!! We are the same person! We are just grief ridden and finding our way to lesson the torture of going it alone a path we didn’t want or choose!
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@Helen39 sadly we will never be the same after such a great loss we just to need to find/work out who the new us is. It’s hard but we will get there there is no timeframe.
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This is so true Helen!! The person I was, died the day my husband died, I was who I was because he was with me. Now I need to find who is this new me….
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@Anita_66 I posted something similar a few days ago and received this reply Grief changes you - #11 by Wilson9 from @Wilson9 the profundity and beauty of it spoke volumes to me.
I lost my husband of 27 years 10 weeks ago. Life changed so many times over his 15 month battle with cancer - so many losses mixed on with the gratitude of (selfishly) still having him with me. I say that two people died on the afternoon he passed - but one of us carried on breathing.
I’ve been in a dark place since, but have now reached the bottom of that Pandora’s box. I want to stay in the past, but know in my heart that I can’t. So I focus on that hope at the bottom of the box. I’m due to start counselling soon, having read that reply to my post, I want to take that forward to the counselling to find the equilibrium that allows me to move forward as I need to, if nothing for the sake of my own mental health. I just need to figure out how I take my husband forward in a positive way - as I’m never going to leave him behind!
Here’s to strength of mind and heart 
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Great post @CaS16 and thanks for the mention. Here are a few more thoughts for everyone to consider.
Some people fear that to continue a connection is unhealthy because it keeps them from moving on. But, moving on does not mean leaving our loved ones behind; it means moving forward with what remains. To stay connected to love is not to cling to the past in denial, but to carry it into the present with reverence. Love is not bound by time. A mother who has lost her child still feels the bond, sometimes in dreams, sometimes in fleeting moments of intuition, sometimes in the quiet sense that the child remains nearby. A husband who has lost his wife might hear her laughter in his memory when he walks into a place they once enjoyed together. These are not mere tricks of imagination; they are the psyche’s way of reminding us that love is eternal; that its energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed.
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@Wilson9 after reading your reply the other day, something very strange happened yesterday.
My dad passed away 21 years ago this year - from the day he died I have never been able to hear his voice. I can see him in my mind’s eye, us having conversations, things we did over the years, but never any sound. This has been the same with my husband since the day he passed. I see it in videos on my phone, but never hear it in my head.
First thing yesterday morning, sitting in the silence with a cup of coffee, out of nowhere a scene of my husband and granddaughter ( from about 2-3 years ago ) played out in my head, and I heard my husband as clear as day throughout! Afterwards, I burst into tears, but for the first time in a long, long time - these were happy tears 
It felt comforting and like a big step forward.
I’m not a religious, or even a spiritual, and I have no intention of ever being so. I am starting to realise though, that cognition contains a lot more grey away from the crazy black and white world we live in!
Stay profound - this world needs your moments of profundity
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What an amazing experience @CaS16. So comforting and so full of hope. The happy tears have been a long time coming but now you’ve had them once, you can have them again.
I’m no expert on this but my best guess is that you were in a receptive state of mind and you managed to tune in to the signals that were being sent to you.
I hope you have many more of these "moments”.
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Dear @Alone1
Thank you for posting that beautiful piece of prose.
It’s just how I feel all the time.
Thank you
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It’s been 16 months since my wonderful, funny, loving husband, Mick, passed away. We had a plaque on the wall saying “I am because we are”. We were together for 43 years, married for 39. He passed away at home suddenly of a heart attack. The paramedics tried to save him, but couldn’t. My life was changed for ever. I’ve now decided to move nearer to our daughter. I never thought I would want to, but I’m sitting in my daughter’s house now, curled up to one of her dogs, and know I need to be nearer to her. I miss Mick so much; the grief is unbearable. I prayed so many times for him to come and get me, but I live for our daughter now. I’m looking forward to finding a new life for the first time. Because I know this is what Mick would want - and he’ll be right beside me x
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Dear @Maria25I
Thank you for your lovely reply. It has made my soul cry and smile all at the same time . 
I love that message on your plaque, “I am because we are”.
I’m gonna get something similar … it’s so very true, and how I feel.
I’ve been ‘3 people’ in my life. Me before Phil, me with Phil, and me after Phil. And the best me was the me with him .
I’m different now, and I don’t even like the me now, which is why I just don’t want to believe it’s real or true that I’ve lost him. I’m sooooooo lonely and sad all the time. It’s ‘shit ‘ isn’t it!
Love, hugs and strength to you my lovely,
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