Thanks again,I do read quite a lot to fill my time and I know I need help to help me get through the horror of all this.I don’t even know what he died from.A couple of days before he died he was feeling “off colour” enough to contact his GP and he described how he felt .
He had never met this GP and had no reason to even see a doctor for about twenty years.He was simply told whatever was wrong didn’t seem “important” .
Two days later he went into the kitchen and collapsed and died instantly.I can’t come to terms with the shock.
There is an on going Postmortum with a possible inquest and I know I have to deal with it but goodness knows how.
Every time I think about him I have a huge question.Why?How? What happens next?x
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So very sorry for your sudden, devastating loss Pushkin.
I lost my lovely husband after 40 years, and although we knew his sudden illness was terminal, when he died after 7 months, the grief was still unbearable.
I’m so sorry you have had such a terrible shock. The loss of our partner is heartbreaking and life shattering.
I understand when you say you are trapped in a never ending nightmare. The days roll into one, we go over the day & time of our loss repeatedly.
Please know that this overwhelming grief you are feeling now will gradually become slightly easier to live with.
I’m almost 14 months into this journey, and although I miss my darling like crazy, I find I can look forward now, instead of always looking back.
It’s not easy, and takes time, but, in answer to your question, no, you won’t feel as bad as you do now forever.
Yes, I still have my moments of grief & sadness, but not in such an overwhelming way as when I was at the same stage as you are.
I searched the internet for help with my grief, bought different books, anything to help me find out how to deal with the pain.
I’m so glad I found this site, it truly helps to read how others feel, and also to put your own feelings down.
Others who are in this awful position understand and care.
Please keep on looking after yourself, you are very important and fragile at the minute, so be good to yourself too.
Love, Janey xx
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Thank you for your concern Janet it is very kind of you to offer me support.I have looked everywhere for grief support and how to cope.I realise we all cope in our own way but I’m not sure if I am even coping at all.
I don’t even know if I have accepted his death.I only know that I have never felt like this before.I have lost most of my family.I’m 64years and each loss hurt and I know I felt grief but then I always had my partner of 39 years and he helped me through.
I feel scared and very alone and I never had children.I live alone now and I hate it,we led a simple life and trusted each other implicitly.He was my anchor and no-one could ever love me as much as he did.The situation is ghastly isn’t it.x
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I’ve found this site a godsend and I don’t honestly know how I would get by each day without this community. My husbands been gone 35 weeks now, but I still feel like I’m always waiting for him, for him to get home from work, to get up in the morning or come to bed at night. I know he is not coming back but there is part of me that can’t accept it. We were together for 31 years, since we were 16 and I barely remember a life when I didn’t know him (we met in primary school at 8) Every important moment in my life involves him, or he was part of. Even though I have our two teenagers, deep inside I’m always alone x
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I hope you have some friends or neighbours who can help you… You have been put in such a dreadful situation with having to wait for an inquest, that must be agony for you.
Just try and take a day at a time, and get through them the best way you can.
I’m the same, we didn’t have children and Ian was always my constant support, my best friend and wonderful companion.
Please don’t feel scared, although I understand why you do. Sadly, there are so many of us on this ocean of grief.
Much love xx
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Hi Janey,
I apologise for re-naming you Janet.I have a good idea you will understand how I feel and it is kind of you to “speak” to me .It is appreciated.
Malcolm was the same for me and I always seemed to rely on him.I have always been a bit of a worrier but he always made me feel better.We were best friends and he could never be replaced.
My neighbours are lovely and I am lucky to have them…In the early days I couldn’t face good but my neighbour brought not meals round for me and she texts me several times a week which is lovely.
I suppose it will take time,I just want to know what he died from,it feels strange to be asked that question and not having an answer.
Take care Janey,thanks again for the support…it does help.xx
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Dear Pushkin,
I’m so sorry you are going through this terrible time, believe me I know just how you are feeling, I lost my wonderful partner very suddenly and unexpectedly in November 2021. He was 59 and very fit, with no health issues we were aware of, he went out jogging one morning and collapsed and died instantly too.
It’s such a shock to get, like you I kept asking why.
We had absolutely no warning, it turns out he had something called silent ischaemia heart disease.
I really feel for you as those first weeks are so distressing and you really do feel like you are living a nightmare, I can tell you it will get a little easier, you are doing the right thing by just taking it day by day.
Pete and I had no children either and I am now on my own, I was on a waiting list for counselling and have my first session on Wednesday.
It is such a traumatic thing to go through and you are faced with so many decisions.
We had only moved to this area 6 months before Pete died and my neighbours have been great although like you I hate having to face people and don’t leave the house much, I still cry every day and some days I don’t stop but in my heart I know that Pete would want me to be strong so I’m trying to pick myself up and carry on, we were in the middle of doing up an old cottage and I will do my best to finish it to a standard he would be proud of.
Life can be so unfair.
Keep posting on here and you will find it helpful.
Take care
Muldool
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It’s the waiting that’s the worst, and unfortunately Covid last year caused a backlog which is still causing immense problems. There was some NHS negligence involved in the death of my husband, l have since gone to the Ombudsmen but even after all this time, I’m not expecting an answer this year.
Your answer will be much quicker than that I most sincerely hope, but the wait is agony.
I’m so glad you have good neighbours. People can be so lovely and caring. It means such a lot x
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Hi Muldool.
I’m so sorry you had to go through a loss so similar to mine and 59 is no age.You have had to wait a long time for counselling,I hope you find it helpful.
I would like to think I would Malcolm proud of me.I do have a couple of close friends and my neighbours have told me that I am making him proud by dealing with the funeral and all the other things that being bereaved brings.
I have to say though that I didn’t find the first three weeks difficult…reason being I was in shock and I believe that shock protected me from feeling overwhelmed.Unfortunately that stage has arrived and he isn’t around to advise me.
I think you will have a great project with your home.I hope everything becomes easier for you too…just wish I could summon up some confidence.x
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Thanks Janey,
I hope I find out something it feels awful not knowing.My Mum died very suddenly when I was 22 she had a PM as she was seemingly fit and well but I felt better knowing what happened,it was a brain haemorrhage and even though she had just turned 54 I knew why she died.
My friends don’t seem to think I would find it helpful,because “it won’t bring him back” .I feel I knew about his life before me and his life with me and I just want to know what killed him.I don’t believe I will get an answer but I do hope so.x
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I think you will get an answer & I think it will definitely help you x
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Dear Vancouver
Thank you. I hang onto those last words from my husband every day, but it doesn’t always help to take away the pain. I was so lucky to find my husband and spend so many years together, but foolishly I thought we had so many more ahead of us. I get so upset also for the grandsons, one has already lost his adoring granda and must also wonder what has happened to his once happy Nan. The other only knows me as the grey, lifeless person who tries her best to shower him with love but only has sadness in her eyes. All I know is that person I was before the loss of my husband is gone and only the impossible can bring her back.
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Thank goodness someone agreed with me.Thank you.xx
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Thank you so much for your reply it means so much to know that people care. There are so many of us going through this horrible grief I struggle every day but I am also thankful for every minute I got to spend with my Alec some people never find love like we had and that gets me through some of the darker days x take care xx big hugs
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Hi so sorry for your loss . It is horrible our future just taken away from us. It has been six months since my one and only true love died. I don’t know how I have got this far when I just want to be with him . Your right in what you say some people never experienced the love we had and I am thankful every day for the 43 years we were together. Hope you find the strength everyday to carry on . Posting on here has helped me a great deal xtake carex
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For me it is 7 months since my love died and I feel exactly as you do. It has not got better as people told me it would. In fact it got worse and the pain and longing for him are fore ever there with me. I also feel very much like a very different person than I was when my husband was still alive as I had something to live for which has gone. No one who has not experienced this will ever understand. We are all here because of our love and would rather not be here! Love to all of you who are suffering. xx
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Hi so sorry for your loss . I don’t recognise myself now .my spark has gone . I am living two lives the one I act I’m ok Infront of work and family and the one I cry each night. Wanting my husband and old life back . I think it is getting worse every day even though I think another day closer to being with my one and only true love . Why is life like this it’s so awful. xtake carex
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I understand how you feel I also think everything is getting harder an I’m almost 12 months on the journey. As I’ve said before I feel no joy in anything and don’t think I ever will again. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other and paint a smile on my face. Love to you all xx
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Hello everyone it’s been a while since I posted .David died 28.12.21 he was 53 ,unexpected. There are no words to describe the pain that we are all going through…I cry every day sometimes most of the day .I have some good support but very often want to be alone because I can feel the massive wave of grief and panic coming towards me . David is buried a few minutes from where I live …I have this overwhelming urge to go to him ,which I do …I ask him to come back to me ,then leave him and am devastated all over again…he was my rock .I miss my before life …I miss my husband so much …the feeling of never holding him again is to much to bear .Sending love and strength to you all …x x x
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Totally agree with you, I’m almost 5 months in and feel exactly the same,people keep telling me I’m doing great but I’m acting.
I start counselling tomorrow and hope it will make some difference.
Muldool
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