I really feel for you, my Pete died very unexpectedly on 13/11/2021 and he was cremated, his ashes are next to my bed, I talk to him all the time and just want our old life back. Its unbearable without him.
I too cry every day and sometimes all day and night.
It’s just awful that we all have to suffer this, I feel its not living at all, just plodding through each day, it’s such a struggle.
Sending you hugs, they are something I really miss, I always used say he gave the best hugs!
Muldool
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My husband was 51 and covid took him, so unfair. Life has changed and not for the better. I cry everyday and occasionally get angry at him for leaving me which is wrong because he fought so hard to beat the horrible virus.
All I can do is hope and pray that at some point things will get easier, until then I just paint a smile on my face and tell everybody who asks that I’m fine 
xx
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I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who keeps my husband’s Ashes close to me. It’s the only way I can get through the day xx
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I keep mine on his side of the bed on his bedside table. On mine I have got his photograph. It does give me comfort to have them close. Love to all xx
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Aw… I now sleep on Petes side of the bed and keep his ashes on my bedside cabinet, it just seems surreal that someone who who was so full of life is now in that container.
Boy I miss that man so very much!
Muldool
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Hi, I feel exactly like this, it is 9 months since my husband died suddenly, he was my whole world and now I am left with nothing but pain, what makes it worse is I don’t have any supportive friends or family around me. I got told this weekend by a family member that my grief should be less by now, I told them it doesn’t ever get less and I won’t go into what their reply was, but it was very hurtful and dismissive and I was left feeling completely traumatised. Cold callous people like this just make everything worse and now I feel I have to shut myself off from them because I can’t cope with them on top of everything else. I just thank goodness for this site where I know I will find people who really understand and won’t make hurtful comments. Thank you to everyone on here for their love and support, it means so much. A big hug to all out there that are in pain today x
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Hi Lynn,
My family are much the same,I only have three living relatives,a brother a niece and a nephew.My husband of 39years died on 19th January this year suddenly and unexpectedly.
I haven’t seen any of them since the funeral.My brother rings once in a while and said I should be getting over my loss and not allow my grief to “drag on” .When he rings now I just pretend I’m fine.x
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@Lynn2 - I am so sorry the people around you are so unsupportive. Grief does not have a timeline - absolutely not. 9 months is so recent, Lynn, and you are bound to feel really raw. I am at 2 months and haven’t started grieving yet as I have been so busy with all the administration and other troubles following T’s death. Everyone here understands and we are all together, propping each other up, to help each other get through the days. Take care, my friend.
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It’s so wrong that you can’t express how you’re feeling to relatives. Vancouver is right grief doesn’t have a timeline. I at the point where I’m passed caring about what relatives say because you should be able to be express your feelings to family. I put on a brave face for the outside world but with family I’m true to my feelings. Take care xx
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Hi, thank you so much for the replies, it means so much to get some kind words for a change. I found the first few months were a blur and I just felt numb. As you say there is so much to do with all the administration and then finally it is done and the grief hits you like an avalanche and it is terrifying. Well meaning people say it will get easier, but they don’t know because it has never happened to them. In actual fact it just gets harder as it becomes more real and you realise they are never coming back and somehow you have to get through each awful day without them. I have recently started at a bereavement group which is very helpful as everyone is feeling the same and understands and the therapists give you coping mechanisms, so it is the people on here and there that are helping me to survive and get through each day. In the end we just want people to be kind and unfortunately many people aren’t and they are often the ones you really thought you could rely on. Love to you all and thanks again for your kindness. x
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I feel much the same passed caring about their ideas on how I should feel.I don’t even feel like keeping in contact with them,they are busy planning their holidays and I have just cancelled a short self catering break my partner and I had booked shortly before he died.x
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That’s how I feel like I’m acting everyday then i get in the car and cry all the way back home and yes people saying your doing great annoys me a bit cos what else can we do but get up and get through the the day . I know they mean we’ll but I literally just act my way through life so I don’t become a burden to the people around me most of who are trying to support me xx keep your chin up and just try to find some niceness in everyday x
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I lost my partner 12 months ago and I hate sitting in our house alone I miss him so much the pain is unbearable I have joined a sewing group of woman close by and I am making a patchwork quilt out of my partners shirts . I have had counselling and it helped a bit I suppose but it’s nice being surrounded by other people some of whom have also lost partners x I know he would be proud of me doing this xx
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Hi Lynn you are right the pain doesn’t go away but you might get a little stronger and the waves of shock and pain may happen less often. Unfortunately people who haven’t been through it have no idea. My friend lost her husband a long time ago and I felt I was there for her and understood but now I have lost my partner I realise I had no idea at all . Just take each day at a time and concentrate on making yourself stronger
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I think it’s a good idea to join a Bereavement group or sewing group, I am a member of a dog walking group and had only joined about 6 weeks before Pete died, I have to say that these people who didn’t know me all that well have been very supportive.
And I think it’s so insensitive of anyone to think grieving just ends one day, I know mine will never end. I too find myself distancing from certain people who say things like you just have to get on with your life!
They really have no idea how hard it is for us and I sometimes wonder if they have ever experienced real love in their lives because it’s something very rare and I feel very lucky to have had it even though it was only for 5 years.
Muldool
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How are you feeling today?I got a call from my brother and I didn’t reply.My partner died in January,his funeral was in February and in that time I have only seen him once at the funeral.
He has a wife and two children,both adults and he is retired whenever I have invited him round he has always had an excuse.He says he doesn’t know how to help me but I feel if he cares he would try.I have kept in touch with them all by phone or text but I don’t feel as though I am part of the family.
I am disabled,due to a stroke and have recovered from cancer,I deliberately didn’t answer my phone to him in the hope he might be a little worried and ring back or leave a message…but he didn’t.
Am I right to feel hurt?
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Yes you are right to feel hurt. Family should try to understand how you feel, but unfortunately this isn’t always the case. If nothing else your brother should check on you as you have health difficulties,but if not him at least his wife?
I still check in on my in laws as my father in law has health issues. I’m fortunate in this respect as they check on me too
I have issues with my eldest daughter as she is under the impression that her feelings are the most important needless to say we’re not speaking.
Hopefully you have other people you can rely on and you can always rely on everyone on here to listen and understand.
Take care and sending hugs❤️xx
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Thank you for your kind reply,my brother and I used to be very close until our Mum died suddenly in her early 50’s.I was 22 and he was 24.Unfortunately he went off the rails,mainly very heavy drinking.I looked after him for a couple of years and we had some awkward times.He ended up with a section order and from then on our relationship changed.
I was always on hand when he needed me but he has a dread of being “needed” …I have never called on him for support until now and it isn’t forthcoming.I’m not sure if I should keep in regular touch,I feel hurt and undecided.
It’s a pity you have relationship problems with your eldest daughter,I presume you have more than one daughter.Do you have other children who you get on with and will support you?I certainly hope so,I don’t have children due to radical cancer therapy over a period of 9years.
My partner was always so loving and strong and put me before himself.He has a daughter from an earlier marriage and I brought her up from a young child.We always keep in touch but unfortunately she lives abroad so I don’t see her often.
It sounds as though you have a good relationship with your in laws that must be lovely.
It’s such a shame that there has to be discord within families but I believe most families are like that.
I am lucky that I do have a few good friends and a neighbour who I barely knew has been wonderful.I never expected I would be helped and supported so much by anyone.
Amidst the misery of the last weeks I have begun to feel grateful to the people on here and my very special neighbour.
Let’s all hope that we can find peace in our lives.xx
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Hi Pushkin,
Like you I have no children, my family are very supportive but live 3 and a half hour drive away and my brothers and sister have children and my Mum to look after she is 87.
I have been amazed by the the kindness of people who I’ve only known for a couple of months, and also have a neighbour who has been a rock for me, its when this sort of thing happens that you find out who your real friends are.
Try not to dwell too much on your brother, unfortunately we don’t always get kindness back from people, some have a very short memory.
Concentrate on the the people who support you most, one thing I have learned is that for all the unkind people in this world there are many more who are very kind.
Hope you day is as good as it can be.
Sending you a hug x
Muldool
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Thank you Muldool,it is lovely to hear from you.Kindness seems to take me by surprise,I have never really needed anyone as much as I do now but not just anyone would do.I’m so grateful I don’t need to depend on my brother he hasn’t even tried to help in any way.
Malcolm and I would help most people out and we certainly have done but always thought that no-one would help us out.
We often said we only have each other.It took me by surprise to find out that I do have caring people around.
I love coming in hear to see if there is a message for me.I try to imagine what you look like.
It is difficult at the best of times looking after someone you love especially when you are grieving.I looked after my Uncle for a year before he died and my Dad at the same time for two years after.It is difficult to put your grief aside as you will understand while looking after your Mum.
It’s surprising how strong you become when you have someone who depends on you.I was very good at that…Now though I have lost a lot of inner strength and all my confidence.I wake up in the night with my heart pounding.
I’m ok when I get up and do something but I have become very reclusive and sometimes I even feel uncomfortable in familiar company.
I don’t know how to cope with it,all I do is make excuses not to go out.I’m so self conscious.Have you any ideas how to conquer this before it conquers me.
I hope no one here thinks I’m selfish talking about myself all the time.I have never been on a forum before but I don’t want to accept help and support without giving back,so any suggestions there too please.
It’s so sad we all have to go through this and my heart goes out to anyone who feels as lost and dad as indo.xx
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