I’m luckier, I think, because John and I had very separate interests; we did go out a lot together, but during the day we’d usually be doing different stuff. I think that’s made it easier for me. Maybe think about what you loved doing before you met your partner, and see if you can take those up again.
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Me either! All of our vacations after our wonderful honeymoon were to places where my husband could hunt. I enjoyed every moment of those trips and was blessed to be his sidekick as he did his thing. He had boats and would go out fishing all the time, but I do not like boats.
I have never had a hobby. There is nothing I want to take up - except perhaps piano lessons, to join the gym where my friend goes for water aerobics, and traveling. But, that is all for next year.
I am busy for the rest of this year.
Much love to all.
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Thank you all for your thoughts, it’s reassuring to know that others are starting from scratch too. We loved camping, travelling - here and abroad, our beaches, football (his passion which I loved to join him in), our local pub for socialising, going to the pictures, gigs, obviously our family … I’m sure there’s more but these are the main ones.
I have no hobbies, so if I put a positive spin on that (as that’s the aim) then I am a blank canvass ready for anything!
@Willow112 tai chi wouldn’t have been my first choice either (I doubt there’s anything like that near me anyway) but it’s impressive you bit the bullet and put yourself out of your comfort zone - and you’re getting the social side out of it. I need to see what’s on offer around me - with an open mind!
@PeachesDixon you mention joining the gym and pool aerobics - that’s inspiring too. There’s a leisure centre in a town a few miles away. I hear the water is freezing - so I could tick off cold water swimming at the same time (positive spin, see!).
Unfortunately I’m the only double widow in my small village, also I’m the youngest widow. The villagers all knew both my husbands and they’re both buried in the same cemetery. I get a lot of pitying looks when I venture outside my front door. There are a lot of much older ladies who’ve been widowed around here but I can’t relate to them. I’ve been hoping to meet a group of like-minded widows I could do things with, or sit and have a coffee with, but not had any success so far, so I really appreciate you all taking the time to join with me a little as I try to push forward on this scary journey! Sending love and hugs 
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Hello again!
I am also part of the exclusive “Double Widow Club”. And the youngest of the ladies at Tai Chi. Neither accolade is one I would choose. But we have to play the hand we are dealt.
I am feeling a bit narked because I have now been dealt a joker.
I was doing okay, joining Tai Chi, dealing with stuff by rigorous cleaning and reorganising, gardening, etc. Feeling a sense of satisfaction and achievement etc. I was out shopping and sorting the latest round of “sadmin” when I fell over and broke my hip.
Hip replacement done, home from hospital and recovering well.
But now housebound for 6 - 8 weeks, unable to get on with the stuff that was keeping me busy.
Luckily I have some good friends as well as my son and daughter, but it does feel as if fate is laughing at me. All my hard-won little achievements have to be put on hold for a while.
Xx
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I like your positivity folks and I honestly don’t wish to be a party pooper, but please don’t abandon your grief. You may find it comes back to bite you on the bum. Grief is your new companion now so take it with you whilst you are going about all your new hobbies, activities etc. Grief is now a part of who you are, respect it, nourish it and you will learn how to live with it. However, even after seven years it can still catch me out. It’s like it gives me a prod and say, “Hoy, I’m still here!”
Good luck and I hope you all enjoy your new found interests.
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Following on, it reminded me of this poem:
I have a new companion.
It is my grief.
My companion is no longer within me.
It used to define my affect and effect my every perception of the world.
My companion is now next to me, accompanying me on my journey through life.
It is with me wherever I go.
It is with me while I live my life alone.
It is with me when I do my errands, and when I return home.
It is with me when I am with family and friends.
My companion no longer cries with its gut wrenching, soulful, woeful voice.
It is quieter, still present, and now uses a softer voice.
There, like a familiar companion, with me.
Always.
It no longer haunts.
It no longer causes excruciating pain.
It no longer renders me incapable of living my life.
It is just with me.
Quietly present.
Ever present.
I am mindful of it in the mundane day-to-day living when I feel my aloneness.
I am mindful of it in the darkness and quiet of the night when I am awake and feeling my aloneness.
My companion… no longer steals my laughter, and no longer deters me from moving forward.
My companion enables me to hold onto the past while I live in the present.
My grief.
My new companion.
I have a new companion
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If grief means being devastated at losing two wonderful husbands whom I loved dearly, I have that by the bucketful. I have missed my first husband every minute of every day for twenty years. I was lucky enough to find love again. He lost his first wife due to bowel cancer and throughout our marriage we continued to love and honour our first loves, and, yes, to grieve for them. Now I also grieve the loss of my second husband,
We all handle our loss in the best way for us, and that is fine.
For me, and only me, I will not view ‘grief’ as a bogeyman that will wreak revenge if I dare to laugh. I do not honour or respect grief, I do honour and respect my husbands.
I have had many dark periods, and I know there will be more in the future.
I want to stress that I am talking about me, I am certainly not trying to instruct anyone else how to do this. We all get by as best we can.
If something hurts, I avoid it. If something brings me joy, I welcome it.
It worked for me last time, it will work again.
Wishing everyone strength and love in finding joy and peace.
Xx
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My life took a sudden devastating unplanned turn 28 years ago and changed everything completely. I knew I’d never be the same again but I shouldered on, and took a second chance at happiness 25 years ago - and here I am again. Believe me, the ‘bum biting’ isn’t going to go away, whichever path you take, the grief and devastation are part of us, that much I’ve learned. You can’t dodge it, hide from it or outrun it, so my choice is to make what I can with my life whilst fully aware of my loss - and it’s bleedin’ hard but that’s ok.
I talk to my man every day and have begun to feel him around me more clearly when I make a positive decision for my future - it’s a very strong feeling, he was a very strong minded man.
This is just my story my way. Each person on here has their own story they’re living their way and that’s absolutely fine, no ‘one size fits all’. I’m just offering a bit of positive thinking to anyone who’s new to this and is looking for a little future light - I know I was 4 months ago, and reading @Willow112 ‘s positive comments under various topics helped me enormously (with so much more on her plate than most). Sometimes someone else’s positive energy can be just enough to get us through that day so I’m sending it out there to anyone who needs it
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Thank you for your refreshingly honest message.
It gives me hope and did make me 
I am also a youngish 61 year old.( i love quirky fashion,vintage stuff etc)
I was with the love of my life,Martin ,since 1988.However i do quite often remind myself that i was an independent woman before we met and that’s what i have to be now.I think growing up in the 80s taught many of us that independence and i am grateful for it.
I will not be giving up my own power tools for many a long year.
Lots of luck with your plans for the winter and your grand emergence in spring .
Kim X
X
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Love that .So made me smile
X
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Hi have had lots of replies to this original post,all positive,so don’t know why my thread was deleted? Maybe I just worded things wrongly! But to everyone who responded,thankyou,let’s just try to have a bit of a sense of humour in this awful situation 
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Hi Louise311,had lots of responses to my last post,but think I just sent new one back to me:)
Go for it,nothing to lose right?
Glad you liked my post.had so many replies,some want to have a laugh,some don’t, but each to their own in their own time,right?
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It’s good to smile right?
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I can still see the whole thread, so not deleted here.
I hope it is not deleted, I think it is a brilliant post.
Xx
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Can see the full thread Maggi7, so not deleted as far as I can see, which is good! Nice to see that we can go forward our grief when we choose to. Just going back to Tai Chi, I did a few years ago (before my world changed) and it was brilliant. It makes your body supple, helps balance and for me it cured me of my fear of heights! I would go again but no classes near me.
So glad you have positive replies Magi7, that in itself helps. Hugs to us all x
Yes I agree with you, I still have a life and I’m determined to live it to the full, my life was restricted due to COVID and him needing to isolate so now I’m doing things that I couldn’t do before, starting a job, dating and going on holiday, I’m enjoying myself and I’m not going to feel guilty, I’ve grieved and now I’m living my life
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I’ve just had lunch with our local group of ‘Jolly Dollies’ (they’re nationwide I believe) - all widows, all with a back story, but all determined to make a go of their lives in whichever way they can. Very inspiring and educational. We had a laugh (which my husband would have been delighted about) plus I now know where to locate my stopcock and that having a tyre pressure of 11 is not necessarily a good thing! Who knew! (well not me, obvs!!) 
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