The original post felt to me a bit judgemental towards people who are angry and resentful. I think that level of anger is normal in the early days and if someone read that when they had those feelings and feeling overwhelmed, it might not be helpful. Maggi obviously knew it would be provocative for some. I felt utterly ripped apart in the early days and never thought I would find meaning again whilst at the same time being aware of the ‘gift’ of life I have. My grief is not over a partner but I know people who feel such deep despair and saying ‘make the most of your life whilst you can’ would be the least helpful thing to say.
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@Viv5 I’m sorry but I have to disagree with you. I was in deep shock, feeling guilty that I had not been able to save him, angry with him and angry with myself. Now while the forums were a fantastic sounding board and source of comfort in those early days I did find that they started to drag me down when people were still posting about their loss and how they could see no future when they were years from their loss. I feared that that was all that was in store for me. A positive post such as that put up by the OP showed me that there was a way forward. A few months back I saw a future, not the one I would have chosen but one that would afford me some pleasure in my life. I think that while sympathy and compassion are needed sometimes we need a bit of positivity along side it.
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Yes, I felt the same. I needed to know that there was a future with some joy possible.
Albeit not the future I had expected or wanted.
I just wanted to know that the pain would lessen, that I would not feel so devastated forever.
Of course I would do anything to have my husband back. But I know that is not possible.
So, I have to pick myself up, dust myself off and find a future on my own.
Reading posts from people who have done that encourages me to keep trying.
I have found, in general, that the best thing to do if any posts or opinions do not chime with my own is to scroll past.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. We are all different and have our own coping mechanisms.
Xx
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I wasn’t going to post on here again as I am 20 mths on now from the loss of my husband and other family members, however, I have been on this site on and off for 7yrs following the loss of my dad back in 2017. I personally feel there comes a point where you have to leave, I stayed in the hope I could help people in the raw, early stages of grief but this isn’t the case. People have to go through what they need to go through. New members form their own little groups at their various stages and that is good but we are all on here at different stages of loss. We all grieve in our own individual way but grief changes. It changes us, our needs and how we process grief. There are only a couple of people on here from back when I joined in 2017 and that in itself tells it’s own story. Life, people, loss is constantly evolving and I realised I no longer needed the site and it no longer needed me and that’s a good place to be in this process. It’s also a place that can pull you down. @Annde I remember you on here and hence why I am posting. I get it totally and posted in support
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@Crazy_Kate you have also been on here as long as me and we had many, many chats 
I changed my profile so you probably won’t recognise me but we were in a little group. It was so nice to see you on here and sending you lots of love as back then we were heartbroken together xx
Grief is not a competition. We each have our own perspective, and yes I think it is healthy to outgrow sites like this. And yes we have to find some joy in life again too, different to what we thought we would have but joy none the less. I just feel the OP is a bit heavy handed, not invalid as it is someone elses persepctive. That’s my thought of course.
@Annde well said!
If anyone still hears from Sheila and Pat (Pattidot) I would love to know how they are doing
@LynT thank you, I remember you too and I am very glad that you have also been able to move on. I think on these forums we have to find the chats that fit our journey and for each person that is going to be a length. Awarding blame for people who are able to move on and are trying to encourage others by pointing out that there is a future out there is not helpful. I have deep sympathy for those whose grief drags them down for years because until they can get beyond that they are living in a very dark place. I don’t really read many of the posts these days because to be honest they simply drag me down and I have fought hard to make some positive moves. Stay strong and enjoy your life without guilt
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I don’t come on here very much anymore but i do tend to have a look at whats going on and this thread has been one I’ve been keeping an eye on. It’s coming up to 2 years for me and my head is in a completely different space from when i first arrived. Although this forum was a life line in the early days, allowing me to understand that the experiences I was having were normal, it was also quite terrifying when I’d come across posts talking about feeling the same 5, 6, 7 years later. Even in the depths of early grief reading posts such as those in this thread would give me comfort and hope that things could get better, easier, whatever you’d like to call it, different at least. For me having a balanced view of understanding my experiences and what to expect as time went on opened up the possibility of recovery and a future. It gave me something to aim for.
Personally I feel that we are all here for the same reason but that’s where the similarities end, we are not all the same and what works for one person, giving them hope and comfort, doesnt automatically work for the next. Judgements are inevitable as that’s the type of creatures we are, bound by social interactions that allow us to decide how we view the world and as a consequence ourselves and others. Often we grow in opposition to what others think, how others judge us, we debate and formulate and understand who we are and what we think. For me it’s part of life and a reason to go on living.
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Well said. I couldn’t agree more.
Xx
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@Walan
Ah I have missed seeing your wise words I think we all look for hope and a light at the end of a dark tunnel but we all get there in our time and in our own way. Gosh 2 yrs, where does time go?
@Annde
I remember my dad saying to me, it’s not what happens to you in life, it’s how you respond to it.
So pleased you have moved forwards and yes this site was pulling me down too, no critiscm of anyone but it’s the same posts/words on repeat and that’s fine if it helps but it didn’t for me. I am in a great place and grief is now my friend not the enemy as it reminds me of how lucky I was to have had so much love in my life x
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@Walan and @LynT it’s good to know that you are both moving on, as am I. My sympathies go out to those who cannot do so and continue to wear their grief like a cloak years after their loss.
I really hope that seeing positive posts can give others comfort that eventually we can get through the very dark times, it will take everyone different approaches and time as we all start with different perspectives on what we are experiencing.
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Thanks, but I hear my wife laughing in the background 
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That’s so heartfelt and true . Thank you for sharing . I’m 5 years on this journey and your words so resonate with me . Grief will be our companion until we die too . However we still have to carry on and carry the grief alongside each and every day 
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