I’ve now gone through all of the one year anniversaries, even the year since the funeral - and was more emotional than I had expected, maybe because I’d focused more on the actual date of my partner’s passing.
But the recent weeks have been harder than ever, a realisation that I’m still on my own and everyone has moved on without me. I’ve been much more sensitive and emotional about everything, it’s taken very little to set me off down memory lane with lots of tears and emotions.
It feels like it’s all slowly wearing me down, that nothing is going to improve and I’m always going to be held back by the feelings of grief - time doesn’t, after all, feel like a healer, but rather the opposite.
Hi @Wisteria
You are describing exactly hiw im feeling today
I thought i was doing better 5 months since he passed and this weekend snd today i feel that i am going backwards.
I don’t thinh this grief and pain will get better in fact it feels worse than it did earlier
I dont like living this life on my own everyday feels like groundhog day going thtough everything wake up spend time at home go to bed repeat repeat repeat.
20+ years possibly left not sure if i can do this for that long .
Aw i know what you mean @Galaxy75 and @Wisteria its so hard isnt it. Ive been getting really emotional recently too as i come up to a year since my husband was told the awful news. I keep breaking down in floods of tears and cuddling his blanket. I decided tonight take the dog a walk onto the canal for a change and it really helped to do something different ! I think thats what we need to do to distract ourselves from the grief … keep doing little things to challenge ourselves. I know I’ve lost so much confidence because of this because he made me confident. Take care xxx
@Galaxy75 I am the same today. 5 months today my beloved husband passed away and I feel as though I am going backwards too. I’m an emotional wreck and tearful most days. Its so exhausting and I cant settle to anything.
I try to keep positive but at coming up to 5 months I do still cry at some point every day. It is probably going to take several more months until I have totally sorted out the bungalow and all his over buying. Who needs 400 latex gloves as a single person? Or anyone who is not in the medical profession? Looks like my neighbour will take some of them. Before buying anything my neighbours ask me. What am I going to do with 5 lots of anti fungal shoe spray? I posts these as I know it makes quite a few of you laugh but it does just give me a headache. Xx
Overstocking - I can relate to that. In the year since I said goodbye to my partner I have wondered whether he was a little OCD - boxes of bleach, antibacterial spray cleaner, and even a year on I’m still not buying kitchen roll!
@Wisteria . I have enough shower gel for at least 2 years and there is supposed to be more in the garage. I have 2 large boxes of finish dishwasher tablets. Enough shampoo for about 2 years and toothpaste for about a year. I am trying to clear things so I can keep what I need. Discovered a can of beans lurking in 6 cans of soup. Just try and do a little each day.
I could be wrong Sandra, but I don’t remember you mentioning loo rolls?? I know a lot of people were stock piling them in lockdown. Maybe there are 100’s in the garage.
I have 2 large packages of them in the extension. Doubt if it’s loo rolls in garage. I believe mostly cleaning products and shower gel. Thing is when he got bored he would shop. Once I get my smart toilet installed I won’t use many loo rolls. Am using the toothpaste he preferred as there is much more of that than the one I use. Charged his electric toothbrush today.
It’s 9 months since I lost my husband and he liked to stock up too. I’m still using the washing pods, dishwasher tablets,toilet ducks and washing up liquid that he bought. Had to bring a lot in from the garage. Trouble is I find myself stocking up too on bleach etc. I’d there was an offer he had to get half a dozen. He liked shopping and I hate it. x
Im so glad Im not the only one who has to deal with riduculous amounts of thing’s. We had 2 brand new pwtrol lawn mowers in the garage, along with 3 old ones. I cant start any of them so had to buy one i could use. I have more hardware than BnQ. I have no idea what he was going to do. I cried on the weekend as I paid someone to fit a gate that he never got around to fitting. It seemed so final. Id give anything to have him back and the gate leaning against the wall getting on my nerves
bless you. Lots of hot drinks and pamper yourself . Take care xxx