Well I must be improving. Lack of sleep was wearing me down. There seems to have been quite a long violent and noisy thunder storm down here overnight which I appear to have slept through. Glad not going out as we seem to be surrounded by floods and trains can’t run. Miserable. Very wet. Windy and cold. Doesn’t help with mood.
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The wind and rain seems to have stopped here now, but I suspect it will come back later. I’m not going out anyway as seem to have come down with a nasty cold. It’s good you’ve managed to sleep, despite the storm. As you say this weather really doesn’t help. I’m just trying to keep busy today, despite the cold, but I think that was a mistake as I tried to paint the ceiling in the 3rd bedroom and seemed to get more paint on me and the floor than on the ceiling!
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I am now very much get a man in if I can afford it. Norman was like that as well.
Still raining hard here. Not supposed to stop until around 5 p.m. Just glad it’s not supposed to be like this tomorrow as I am going to my neighbours coffee morning for MacMillan. I won’t stay long but I am definitely going. I am going to donate the £20 I got for selling a dehumidifier. She is coming over later to get some mugs as guess what I have a cupboard full.
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It seems a bit better outside now, which is good, as I have to go over to my son’s tomorrow armed with some food I cooked him. This might sound like he’s lazy but he’s autistic and in a bad place at the moment. There are some things I think I’ll need to get a man in and luckily I know quite a few builders up at my local micropub! Haven’t seen anyone today as my friend who normally comes over on a Thursday afternoon also has a bad cold so doesn’t want to go out, so here I am curled up on the settee with my cats.
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My neighbours do quite a lot of small things for me but I don’t want to overstretch my welcome. They say they are paying back for things Norman and I did in the past. There are silly things like a jar I couldn’t get open even with my electric jar opener. My friend has now shown me a trick. I have a bottle of Prosecco I have been trying to open for 4 months. I’ll find a way eventually. Good luck for tomorrow. Xx.
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Definitely not a fraud.
Yes to distraction. I have done that and certainly it was some relief. But then the thought occurred to me that these distractions are exactly that and I now feel my grief and loss even when engaging in “distractions” so they have lost some of their efficacy.
At the moment I am so exhausted of masking that I am actively avoiding having to engage with many people. I scuttle into shops when I can see that the staff who know me are not around so that I don’t have to try and navigate the pleasantries of responding to “how are you?” For those to whom I am closer and who have some understanding I have made it clear that I am really struggling at the moment. I think this is a good thing to do.
And no, the weather does not help. Pissing down with rain … but I find the sound of the rain comforting. It’s the early darkness and the grey that really gets to me.
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I understand how you are feeling, my husband of 46 years died on the 19th Dec 2022, I feel overwhelmed most of the time, it was our anniversary last week and before he passed away, hubby asked our daughters to always make sure I got flowers on my birthday and anniversary, so I received the most beautiful flowers from him on our anniversary.
I seem to cry most days and feel so lonely, we did everything together so I don’t really have any friends. I’m thankful for having our daughters and grandchildren, but when I’m home it’s so hard and seems to get harder. I’m dreading Christmas last year was a blur, hubby had cancer but he went downhill so fast after keeping pretty well for 3 years.
The dark nights have really hit me and it’s long lonely nights, never see anyone at night or weekends. If this is my life now I am dreading the future. I just want what we had and it’s so hard knowing that will never be.
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Hi @Mary.Mac
Sorry to here your feeling lonely today.
I think we all go through these stages in this horrible journey we now face.
It has been only 5 months for me now and each day is the same now but only change is having to do things on our own and to me that is very hard.
I cry most nights but during the day i cope well exist i think. I was hoping the grief would get easier to handle but currently this has not happened.
I hate how quiet and lonely it is now but i try to be strong and hope one day i will feel better.
Take care
Lynne x
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I so get you @Mary.Mac my husband passed on 16th december 2022… coming up to 1st year isnt it. We were same - didnt need anybody else - we had each other ;( but that makes it hard now as i didnt really have many close friend either. Have some friends but you do miss that special relationship dont you ? I hate it ! I have hated every single minute of the last 10 months without him here ! Its like living in a bloody nightmare xxx
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It is hard doing stuff by yourself. Its awful isn’t it? Even when im not alone and with other people i still feel alone … its too strange not having him all around me … its just rotten 
xx
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That rings very true.
I also realised the other day that for all the times that I would walk into town on my own, now I really feel that I’m walking into town alone.
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Yeh exactly know what you mean. Theres nobody at home to go back to is there ? X
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Hi @Wisteria
Yes today i am going to town by bus on my own just to get out house.
Normally i wouldn’t mind as Kevin would be out in garden but he would pick me up later. No more of that now just me myself to do everything we shared.
Life at weekends is hard we were just the 2 of us no family around strange how thinks change in blink of an eye.
Anyway take care and have a good weekend Lynne x
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Yeh the weekend again !!! Jeez … going on holiday in 3 weeks time. Tryingbto hold in to that xx
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