I suppose that there is no one answer to this. When my wife passed away at home the police removed her rings before taking her away. I sort of understand why, but I have a feeling that they should stay with her at her resting place. We wore matching wedding rings for the past 24 years and the engagement ring was heart shaped to represent my love for her.
I have trawled the internet for help on what is appropriate but many comments on other sites have sounded heartless along the lines that this would be a stupid waste.
I know this is a very personal question, but I really would appreciate comments on what some of you have done.
Hi Trevour i kept my wifes rings there in a box and i still cant look at them .Ignore the stupid remarks i wont answer to anyone regards my decision .Its right for me you do what is right for you Colin
What feels right for you is the right decision. She was your wife, not anyone elses.
I’ve kept my mum’s wedding ring and I wear it. I buried her wearing a ring I had bought her, and I wear her wedding ring as my way of being close to her and keeping her close to me.
Hi Trevor, so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. I agree with the others that it is YOUR decision and yours alone. Do whatever feels right for YOU. If you feel the rings should be with her than that is the right thing. The comments you have received are heartless and uncaring. It is NOT a waste for your wife to be laid to rest wearing the rings she had worn for so many years and were a symbol of your love for each other. What do you think your wife would want? When my dear mum was laid to rest, I would have liked her wedding ring but I thought it belonged to her and should go with her. I have other items of her jewellery but I felt her wedding ring was hers. I know it is a hard decision and one, unfortunately, you are forced into making quickly which, at a time like you are going through is not easy. Don’t let other people make your decision and I am sure you will find the answer which is right for you. Keep posting and take care. My thoughts are with you. Best wishes from Karen
Hi trevor
I agree with everyone you have to do what you feel is right for you about the ring and other things you will have to deal with. I kept my partners ring i cant eear it its too painful but i have it in a special box in my bedroom. Her son had her earrings snd her daughter her watch which she wears.
Please dont listen to others and their insensitive comments unfortunately we all have had experience of being on the receiving end of hurtful and inappropriate comments but at the end of the day it is your decision and if you want your dear wife to keep her ring then you do that.
Take care
Carol x
Hi Trevor. So sorry to hear about your wife. The funeral director asked if I wanted my husbands wedding ring and I said yes. I’ve worn it ever since on top of mine. It has been sixteen months now. I will always wear it. We were married for 30 years. I know some people wear them on a chain. You could take it to a jewellers to make it fit if you felt you wanted to wear it. It helps me to know that something of his is always with me.
I am new to the community. Regarding your eife’s wedding ring and any personsl jewellery you have of hers:
I do feel your pain and empathise. I have my husband’s engagement ring on my right hand middle finger where it won’t slip off. We bought it in Bravingtons in Kings Cross London in 1962 we wed in 1964 and had our Golden Wedding Anny in 2014. Had a fabulous holiday to celebrate. He passed away in April 2015 and i am devastated.
His personal jewellery is safe and treasured. He liked his bits and bobs as did I. I hope you have received solace and help from this community and wish you well
Just to say that i want my wedding ring, eternity ring and my Mums wedding ring and my husbands engagement ring i spoke of left on my specified fingers.
My letter of wishes and Will state this and my funeral director has been made aware in their wishes form. I did a funeral plan recently and this all in my wishes. Its a relief to know its all arranged for me and my sons and families.
I have lots of good jewellery of my own and inherited and am particular what happens to it so keep it all in small boxes and have already given a couple of pieces away to my DILaws.
I dont belong to forums or FB. I feel It can be hit and miss social networking and meet all sorts in cyberland and nasty ones can leave their mark as i have experienced. Bad enough dealing with folk who are insensitive and not nice in zone reality let alone on the Net!
Trevor if you look in here again i hope the responses have helped you
Agree with others here that the decision is yours and yours alone.
Like you Karen I was asked if I wanted Mum’s wedding ring and said no it should be with her. It was a replacement ring as her fingers had got bigger and had been made for her whilst on a foreign holiday. It was therefore a very special memory of hers and Dad’s continuing love for each other. The decision had to be made so quickly and I have regretted my answer sometimes but have her engagement and eternity rings safe.
Hi Trevor, I would say do what feels right for you and dont be concerned about what other people think. My husband passed 4 months ago. I have quickly learned that although people mean well with opinions and comments and words of wisdom, until they have walked a mile in our shoes… they just dont get it. I wear my husbands wedding ring on a chain around my neck. I feel comforted by it. My friends say I touch it alot. When i look down and see it i feel close to him. I am sure whatever you decide to do will be the right thing x
Your post touched chord and I find solace and comfort from wearing my husband’s engagement ring. I cant look at his other rings and his ID bracelet snd they are in a small box.
I havent had hardly sny platitudes thrown at me to date but sm prepared for any. As you say…unless they have walked your mile they just dont get it. Maybe we get used to this insensitivity of some as time elapses but maybe not.
We do what we need to Misty to get through the day. I get lots of people who have not experienced our situation saying " it just takes time" I do believe time is a great healer but it takes so much more than that. I do just smile and nod. Maybe we will get used to it.
I hsve come to realise over the past two and a half years that i have learned to adapt and adjust to not having my Husbsnd with me and living solo. The latter is how i want it and cant envisage any man coming into my life as more than a friend/companion. I have two and this is comfortable for me. The thought is abhorent, me of having an intimate relastionship with a man, as Ralph is still a huge part of my life and i cant envisage another man claiming my affection and love.
Re jewellery, his engagement ring is precious to me and i look at it and think of the Christmas in 1962 when i slipped it on his finger and his to me on mine.
I dont think time heals grieving but it may get easier for many and we can get stronger and the better days become more frequent.
I do hope that Trevor comes to terms with his grief and his wife’s wedding ring dilemma and anyone else that has this to cope with
Thank you everyone for your replies. Again apologies for not replying to each of you individually but although I am finding some solace in pouring out my feelings on this forum it is still hard.
I think I have decided that the rings should stay with her plus one of here mother’s on her right hand. In all our years together she never took them off so I feel that is where they belong. Also a simple bracelet which although of little financial value she loved.
The one thing I will keep is the beautiful watch that was for here 50th birthday. Hopefully my son will one day find a beautiful girl who would appreciate it.
It is a move forward for you to arrive at the point in time where the jewellery will rest with your wife. It may not be a closure but its a step forward for you. Its a private decision and nobodies place to comment except to support you with kindness. Even strangers can do this as i have found. Little gestures like a pat on the hand and a gesture that shows they are sensitive and care. This all helps us cope.
If you tell your Son of your wishes then this will be a way of showing him your love for his Mum and for him. If you have other children then maybe you can allocate items of personal jewellery to them. A letter of wishes can be made and though not legally binding do ensure your wishes are honoured. I kept mine as simple as possible and have already given oone item to my Daughhter in law.
Take care and thank you for popping back in to read the replies.
Hi Trevor. .my mum died suddenly in her sleep at home. My darling mums ring was removed from her finger before they took her away…my dad gave me the ring straight away. But I was too upset to take it…I didn’t want to believe my mum had gone. The ring is now in a box at my dad’s and I will wear it one day. It was my mum’s wishes that I have the ring… Its a strange feeling it’s something I never want but then again maybe I would feel close to her…I suppose it’s a individual thing…all the best x
I have worn my husband’s wedding ring since he died 6 months ago. He once said death will not part us , Wearing his ring for me enforces that. I beleive its up to each individual to do whats right for them to help with the grieving.
Today I took the rings to the funeral director to place on her. I think I will find it a comfort to know that she will always have the matching wedding ring to mine. My dilemma is to know is what to do with mine in a few months once the pain has hopefully settled. I want to wear it but don’t feel it is quite right to keep it on my wedding ring finger, but conversely I have seen posts where for example wearing it on you right hand is a sign that you are looking for something else while still married. Not the impression that I wish to give
I understand what you feel about your wedding ring. Your initial reaction is quite natural and a very personal one. A gentle closure with your wife’s wedding ring is the right thing for you to have done.
I wear my husband’s engagement ring as i said in a previous post. I love to look at it and think of him with love. My wedding ring is in place where he slipped it on my finger in 1964 and thats where I want it to remain and told my family.
Your initial feeling about taking yours off is not remiss. You dont know how you will be feeling in months to come as the greiving process is different for most people. Just go day to day snd do what you feel is right for you whether to leave it on or take it off and if you do think what you wish to do with it. Keep it safe or maybe wear it on a good chain. Do what YOU feel is right for you.
My husband wore his Mums wedding ring on a gold chain round his neck from 1984 to 2015 when he passed away and i left it on where it was all those years it just felt right. Dont be concerned what other people say unless its positive.
