We're all grieving

I really dont want to upset anyone.
And I really feel for all you younger ones that have lost your partners. It’s not right that any of you should lose someone so soon
But us older ones are grieving too. The pain is still the same and the heartbreak just as bad.
Please don’t write us off as old people so it’s expected. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you never expect it and it’s still
Devastating

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I know exactly how you feel. It has been just over a year for me. I am 72 and I was with my husband for 52 years. I still sometimes feel he will walk through the door. I don’t cry every day now but still miss him terribly. :heart:

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Thank you @Pudding

I was beginning to feel it was just me.
I’m 71and was with my husband for 42 years. It was a second marriage for both of us.
I’m 18 weeks in and still feel as bad as I did at the beginning. I’m starting to cope but I still cry everyday.

Sending you hugs

Liz x x

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I suggest you try counselling. I cried through most of them but they did help. You can self refer through the nhs app.

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Thanks
I am on the waiting list for counselling through the Hospice Roger died in x

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My husband died unexpectedly. Cancer diagnosed on Thursday. Started bleeding on saturday . Couldn’t stop the bleeding due to his warfarin. 10 days later he died. I hope you could be with him. I couldn’t due to limited mobility. The counselling helped with the guilt.

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I was lucky enough to be able to spend all of Rogers last 6 weeks with him. The last 5 days were in the Hospice, for the last 2 days I was allowed to stay all the time. I was with him when he left me.
I still feel guilt but I do know that that is just part of grieving

Thankyou @Pudding
Love and hugs
Liz x x

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Hi @Liro

I really hope that someone hasn’t said that to you! How awful.

It’s devastating to us all no matter what our age or time we spent with our partners.

Sending lots of love :revolving_hearts:.

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I was widowed at 48, and again 5 weeks ago. I am 68 now and I have to say that although I loved both of my husbands equally, this time is proving to be more difficult.
When you are older you inevitably have fewer family left and have probably lost quite a few friends. Any children have often moved away or are busy with their own families. Older people are more likely to be retired so they don’t have work friends. It is much harder to suddenly get a new social life.

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Thankyou @Katyh

You have been nothing but kind and supportive and I really appreciate that.
Thankyou for all of your help and support.

I am 18 weeks innto this journey now, but I still struggle. Somedays more than others.
The kindness I get from you, and others really means a lot.

Love snd hugs
Liz x x

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Thankyou @Willow112

Your support and caring has been lovely.
As you know being older doesn’t shield you from grief. And after 42 years I often don’t know which way to turn

Love and hugs
Liz x x

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@Liro

No need for thanks, you’ve been lovely to us all.

We are all in this together! Someday hopefully soon we will be at piece within our grief and being able to share happy stories to others whom are in the deep dark depths of grief, which will hopefully give them hope :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I do try to help the ‘newbìes’
I’m close enough to know the rawness they feel, but along a bit to try and give them some hope that things will improve, a bit.
It helped me a lot when I firste came on here

Big hugs :kissing_heart: x

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@Liro

Yes me too. You’ve all really helped me, so so much. I do try and help newer members as it’s awful when you think your completely alone. It was you and a couple of others that first came to my aid :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: thank you xx

I also pm a few members of the community, we chat about general day to day stuff. I find that really supportive to, its nice to have someone to check in with. It’s really been a life saver this site and the people that make this little community xx

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I am feeling a bit different today. I think the numbness is wearing off. No longer trying to bargain with God, stopped looking for signs and begging him to come back. It’s not going to happen, and this is forever. I just have to get on with it, but it hurts like hell. I am noticing things that have always been there, photographs and things we chose together. His stuff that will never be used again. I have an urge to throw it all away. But I think the empty spaces will be even worse to live with. His clothes are still in the wardrobe but I avert my eyes. The freezer is full of meals for ‘us’, but I eat cheese and biscuits. I avoid anything that might hurt me. Songs that now have a different meaning. It is endless. Being numb was easier. Sorry to be so depressing. Xx

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Oh @Willow112

You are not depressing.
You are grieving
Everything you are feeling is normal.
It’s going to take time but gradually you will find you are starting to cope.

Sending love and hugs :people_hugging: x

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@Liro please don’t feel that anyone has written you off! You’ve been lovely to me, and so many others on here. Yes, you were with Roger for many happy years, thankfully. I was only properly with Steve for 13 intense months, time is irrelevant, as is age.

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Thankyou @SadGirlfriend

It means a lot. I’m so sorry that you didn’t have so long, but I also know that time doesn’t matter. Whether you love someone, for a few weeks or 100 years, it doesn’t matter, your heart is still broken. Grief doesn’t care, it punishes us all.

And thankyou for the support you have given me. I do really appreciate it.

Love and hugs
Liz x x

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Dear Liz you are so kind to everyone. I am coming up to 75 and was married for nearly 54 years but we had been together since I was 16 and he was 18. That’s what’s so hard. Our whole life revolved around each other.
I really appreciate how supportive you are. Thank you

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Oh @Woolly
Thank you so much for your kind words.
I really appreciate them.
I just try to support everyone the way I’ve been supported on here.
Thankyou
Big hugs to you x x

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