What do I do

Lost my husband due to sepsis last October.he had never been ill in his life.he had a stone stuck in his bile duct.easy you would think but the next thi g I knew he was in icu with multi organ failure. We had been together 36 years and married for 28. Can’t believe it , keep thinking he’s gunna walk in from work. My 27 old son is struggling so bad too and I don’t know what to do. We lay his ashes to rest on 23rd and I know ots gunna bring back to much.

Thanks in advance for listening



My condolences to you on your loss. My wife of almost 43yrs died just before Christmas after her immune system attacked her liver over 8yrs… she was on the transplant list, but Covid-19 and her deterioration meant no chance of a transplant and basically we said goodbye to each in June and we went to hospital regularly for draining.

As I posted in other threads how long before I heal, how long is morally correct for any relationship.

You’re a strong lady, I say that coz it takes guts to “bare all” in a strange place. My daughters are rapidly approaching 40 and I think they’ve found that a woman interested in myself is digging for a life. So despite banter between her and myself I worry of hurting myself and my girls.

You are truly a brave lady and your son is with you :heart:

Hi there so sorry to hear about your lovely wife life is so unfair. Don’t know about strong the waterworks have flooded again tonight. I have 2 grown sons just one still lives with me. They both have been my rock.

It’s scary to think you would hurt your girls , am sure they would be happy that you are happy.

It’s a companion we would miss .I know I miss mine x he was my best friend x

My lovely wife was my best friend too, she was my first and only real girlfriend and the rest is history as they say.

Yes I still shed loads of tears, songs, circumstances, the whole shebang!

We don’t know what will happen in our future, but happiness needs to materialise in whatever form we can all grab in the rest of our lives.
That’s only my view as I still try to muster up courage myself.

All is so alien, all is so different such a short space of time.

I can’t begin to apologise for your loss of your husband. So many many questions must be roaming inside your mind as to why this terrible thing happened :confused:

Steve x

I am angry now to be honest. All of the what ifs are raging around my head. They tried 3 times to remove the stone from bile duct and eventually put in a stent.it was after this he got sepsis.
What if he didn’t have the stent,what if they had taken him to icu the day before when they were supposed to… etc.
The last words he said as moved to icu were I love you ,see you later… I kissed him amd told him I loved him and that was the last time we spoke. Day later I held his hand and sobbed whilst they turned off his machine.

I have all his medical records that’s how angry I am now.
My sons feel robbed and I feel empty.to think we celebrated welded his biopsy sain not cancer.!!. Sorry I rambling now.
Yes we need happiness and I find mine in my grand daughter.she is now my life xx jan

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Hi, you have no need to apologise for anything. I would have thought sepsis could be investigated as it’s caused by infection or something like that?

I remembered that my wife was diagnosed with sepsis and never told until 3 weeks after she was home. During the hospital stay they had to get a medicine made up to fight the infection :unamused:.

I can understand your sons feel robbed, and they and you have every right to question how it all occurred.



No one told me he had sepsis , at any point just that his organs were failing starting with his kidneys. I was so upset and in shock how a simple op could cause this I never thought. Wasn’t until they had “the talk” with me dis they mention sepsis. Apparently the pancreas was infected due to the stone irritating it. Part started to die off causing sepsis .kidney stopped so they put him on dialysis in icy. They said they had thrown every possible antibiotic and the only thing keeping him alive was the machines keeping his bp up. It took him approx 8 mins to pass away.
Wow your wife must’ve been through it getting over the sepsis. It was the colour of him that shocked me.
He was my soul mate and my best friend. I feel jealous wen I see middle aged couples together enjoying life… I’m so jealous. Bad that isn’t it x jan

My wife n I were told nothing until gp rang to ask how she was. I was on my way home from Bath hospital after an operation. She sounded so bad that we thought she would be gone. Her sister rang for,an ambulance and we carried on to meet them. No clue was given, and due to the complications was given loads of antibiotics and nothing touched the infection.

We felt that it happened via an earlier appointment and dirty gloves on a needle when having IV fitted.

10 days she was in and I feel that sepsis enhanced the liver damage.

The colour as you say was awful.

There truly needs the medics to seriously consider deeper looks into problems, sadly doctors seem reluctant due to costs, or so it seems.

I do hope things get better soon I really do xx



Wow I am so sorry. I do agree .they warned us before the operation that it could happen… covering their backs. Even his nurses who are now friends stated they were so upset they thought he would pull through it…they even came to his funeral they were so shocked.
Something has to done about this sepsis. It’s a killer x

You seem to have been through the same as me in many ways and I am so sorry and empathise totally . Jan

My beloved husband also was diagnosed with sepsis. But I can’t understand how he got it. We had been home isolating, not going out or seeing anybody. It had been like this for almost one year because he was super vulnerable and immunocompromised so I was shielding him like crazy. He started acting strange, talking and shouting all night long. I was so scared, didn’t know what to do. He had a fall in the bathroom in the early hours and I knew I had to get help. To cut a long story short they diagnosed him with urosepsis and treated him but he caught Covid there and didn’t stand a chance. In the early days they had called me in to the hospital to find out more about his medical history which was rather complex. To my amazement they offered to take me to see him. So, at the height of Covid when no one was allowed in the hospitals I found myself at my husband’s bedside and was shocked and dismayed to find him in an open bay ward. The woman opposite was coughing like crazy. I had expected because he was so vulnerable he would be in a side room. Later my daughter in law spoke to the ward clerk on the phone who told her that ward was Covid positive. I’m still haunted by everything, don’t understand what happened and now know I’ll never have any answers. I raised an inquiry but of course they closed ranks. How did he get sepsis in the first place? Did they not carry out the correct treatment? We’re not even sure he died from Covid, we think it may have been the sepsis.Why didn’t they shield him better? I’m broken-hearted, traumatised and will never have closure to move on.

Oh my lovely what a horrible situation…isn’t urosepsis the water works? If so could’ve been a bad kidney infection that caused the sepsis.u saying of him shouting etc is usually one of the signs.
I understand about protecting him though.my hubby had to work through it and he slept on a camped to protect me as I am vulnerable.

When did he pass hun? .I feel as if my questions will never be answered too . Hurts even more that in the notes it stats they asked the surgeon to come n remove the stent … and he wrote keeps him stable and I will do it Monday!! Monday never came.

Jan x

Camp bed …

Jan my dear lady,

There are too many cases of this and it’s ridiculous. Just say sepsis and bang covered in any enquiry.

I would have thought that in operating everything was totally clean but these days the onus is put on the patient and it’s their fault.

Trying to get 111 to listen to the problem can be damned difficult as well…

I sincerely wish you and your family well :heart:


Hi Jan.
He passed away on 13th January of last year. I still remember it all like it was yesterday and have flashbacks all the time. I’ve lost all faith in the NHS, so much so that I would do anything to avoid being seen at hospital. I also feel the same way about my GP surgery who I feel we’re not there for us when my husband was in dire need of their help. Not knowing what really led to his death haunts me day and night. I know I should accept it as God’s will and I feel guilty but my mind keeps turning over like a cement mixer. Being alone you can’t escape from the thoughts that flood your brain. I try to keep occupied but they’re always there. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t cry. In fact I’ve become a real “cry baby “ and seem to cry at the drop of a hat. I know I’ll never know the real reason he died and I feel for you as I know how much torment you also must be in. Sending you a big hug and wish I could do or say something that would make things better. xx

Aww hun that’s awful… I feel so bad for you x I really do know how u feel. Mine was october,what was a simple procedure led to him dead In days. Questions and what ifs race round my head too.it all started on my birthday 3rd October with him itching his skin. We were told it was bilirubin, meaning the kidneys were not working properly. He was admitted there and then the next day and never came back out. They let us sit with him when the switches him off. The last words he said to me two days previous were I love you ,don’t worry from behind a mask.

I think the surgeon who operated let him down by not doing the op himself.he let an understudy do it. But as u say they close ranks x.

I keep busy with my crafts , and my 27 and 30 yr old sons plus 8 year old granddaughter who is so hurt he left as I promised her he would be OK.

They keep me active . Go easy on your self love. A broken heart can take years to mend

Much love

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Don’t think I could ever love again tbh xx

Thanks so much Jan for your kind words and understanding. I don’t think this broken heart of mine will ever really mend. Sun becomes your constant companion but it’s good that you’re finding ways to occupy yourself. I guess we all have to find our own way through this. I really wish you all the best. xx

Sorry I meant to say that pain becomes your constant companion.

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I really hope we can find a way to come to terms with this…Steve you and I and anyone else reading this. Life can be so unfair .my hubby had never been ill in his life ,yet his brother is a total alcoholic ,abuses his body and older and he’s still here…makes me mad sometimes. X I lay here at night going over everything whilst hugging a cushion made from his jacket. Just not fair …

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Me either nobody could replace my john he was a true gentleman lv annie x x