The anaesthetic has worn off.
Oh no. Sending hugs. 
Itās been one of those nothing-helps days for me. Itās altogether awful, everything about this. 
1 Like
Oh Rose. How awful for you, youāre having a really up and down day.
Iām not too bad at the moment but its evening again, thatās when it seems to wash back over me. During the day, especially these beautiful sunny days, I can distract myself a bit and go and see friends.
Now the evening stretches before me, I shall go to bed ridiculously early and then break my heart again because heās not there
Goodnight Rose
Wishing you a peaceful night
Love Liz x
1 Like
Thank you Ulma.
I suppose reality is going to start creeping in bit by bit.
In many ways, I prefer the numbness of shock.
I realise that to have any hope of reaching a place that I can mostly live with this grief, this hole in my life and heart, then I have to experience this agony.
I wonāt be able to do it all the time, who can?
So will look for distractions especially to keep mind busy.
Take care, sending a big hug xx
Thank you.
I think it is the sunny weather. We had been waiting for this and planned to do some things. He was so looking forward to this, it is so unfair. I know he would have so enjoyed the better weather.
However, itās due to end next week. Perhaps that will cheer me up 
Take care, big hugs.
Lots of love,
Rose x
I donāt know how weāre supposed to cope with this. Weāre told it will get easier, that weāll get used to it. When? Ever?
Who comes up with these platitudes, certainly nobody thatās been through this.
Sorry Iām having a bit of a wobble. This pain just seems to go on and on. I canāt see any way out at the moment.
People say itās early days, give it time. I donāt want to. I want this pain to end now.
Iām hoping Iāll feel better tomorrow. Night-timeās definitely my worst time. At the moment anyway, as we know things can, and do change.
Goodnight Rose
Sleep well
Lots of love Liz x
1 Like
Yes, I so want this pain to end,
I donāt know how we get to that point.
I hope you get some sleep and some peace.
Lots of love,
Rose x
1 Like
Good morning Rose
I know Saturday isnt a good day for you, mineās Friday.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better but thereās nothing, I know.
But please be sure Iām thinking of you and sending you love and good wishes.
We are making progress I suppose but its definitely 1 step forward and 2 back at the moment. But we will go on and we will get there, eventually. But i dont think the pain will ever go, weāll just learn to live with it
Lots of love and hugs Rose
Liz x
1 Like
Thank you Liz.
I know you understand.
Weāre all looking for that magic key that turns off the pain, arenāt we?
I suppose it is time and going on this very bumpy journey of mixed emotions.
I seem to have hit a big pothole at the moment!!
The weekends are difficult as there are more people about which I find difficult.
There are couples and families about which seems to accentuate that I am alone.
That is too painful at the moment.
Yesterday, I saw a couple walking down our road holding hands, that brought memories and tears.
I am not angry that they have love and that connection.
I envy them.
Plus a Saturday was the last full day I had with him.
Then Sunday he was suddenly and unexpectedly gone.
I am feeling incredibly lonely at the moment as one by one people have stopped getting in touch. I contact them but usually get a short reply.
I think what we are going through frightens people of our age, as they know that one day one of them will be in our position. Sadly, we are reminders of things to come.
I did manage to get quite a bit done yesterday, housework (which I hate), washing and some gardening. So not all bad.
I will try to occupy myself today. Perhaps some gardening.
I hope you have things to keep you busy.
Take care Liz.
Lots of love and hugs to you,
Rose x
2 Likes
I hope your day turns out well, or not too bad at least. I will be thinking of you.
Iām lucky I know, I have good friends and theyāre all still there for me. For years on a Saturday 4 of us meet for lunch and a general chat so that still carries on.
Iāve managed to have a busy week this week, next week looks a bit quieter so I must think of things to do
Take care Rose
Lots of love Liz x
1 Like
That sounds good. Enjoy! X
1 Like
Just seen your post . Iām grieving like most of us because I lost my wife after a long struggle with dementia last September but also because of being left on my own.
This morning I had little motivation to do anything with life seeming emptier than ever. Iāve heard many say that it gets better, but when?
Life was so easy just the two of us doing not very much. Now I need distraction or sleep to get through the day. At least the better weather is here so I can enjoy the warmth.
Peter
2 Likes
Morning Peter,
Life was so easy just the two of us doing not very much
that is exactly what I was thinking this morning.
Take care, thinking of you,
Rose x
1 Like
I am not up to loads of people and not ready for travelling very far.
I feel I need to try to go to a local place for a cup of tea.
I know it wonāt be easy by myself but think I should try.
The problem I have is finding somewhere we hadnāt visited before, even years ago.
Nothing with memories.
I know you canāt recommend anywhere but Iām just wondering if you have had
that problem.
Rose x
1 Like
Hi Rose. I know what you mean about going places you usrd to go together.
On a Tuesday afternoon
we always went to our local pub, Roger liked a drink and would often go, I used to but as the years went on I went less. But Tuesdays and sometimes on a Friday afternoon we would go together.
I didnt think Iād be able to do it on my own but iI did and now I go every week just for a couple of hours. Rogers friends always take good care of me and are ready with hugs and tissues if I need them.
What Iām saying is try going to places you used to go. I know it hurts, but it also helps.
Love and hugs x
2 Likes
My mood is a bit better at the moment.
I donāt know if it would have improved anyway, because I certainly do not feel in control of my moods or thoughts.
What I have done since the last post.
Cried! I have found this has, most times, been a release.
I got up and fed the cats.
This may sound silly but I put on a happy manner for one of the cats.
He has dementia and about 3 weeks after my husband died I was worried about this cat. The vet said he was grieving. Actually the behaviour of both cats changed.
I had a mug of tea and went outside with the cat with dementia (he canāt be left by himself outside).
Finally, I realised that I am taking it moment by moment. Rather like we all did when first bereaved.
I cannot cope with thinking long term. I realise that is too much for me.
So I will carry on like this until I feel I can cope with maybe taking it morning, then afternoon and then evening.
If I have to go back to moment by moment I will.
Hope you have found something that helps you today.
Big hugs,
Rose x
3 Likes
Hi Rose. I hope youve had a reasonable day. I know youāre struggling a bit at the moment. I think youāre doing the right thing, taking it step by step.
Iāve had a reasonable day today, a bit tearful at times but on the whole not too bad. Iāve even written to Roger tonight with no tears, thatās a first. I hope this means Iāve turned a corner, but Iāve been here before and then crumbled the next day.
I hope you have a good night
Take care Rose
Love liz x
2 Likes
That sounds good.
Hope you have a good nights sleep
Rose x
had a very emotional day, went over tosee my daughter who lives in a little village. Sat out inthe gardenand just broke down onto tears and couldnt seem to stop i just kept thinking about Rob and how he would have loved to just sit outside in the sun. We had so many plans for the better weather. Now heās gone, and those days are gone forever! I miss him so much it hurts ! 
1 Like
I fully understand.
Big hug x
2 Likes