I do understand. We all feel pretty much the same
Big hugs to you
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Hello @RoseGarden
Another Sunday. I joined our local church initially when I first lost my wife to the care home I think out of desperation for company more than belief. I left a couple of years later due to different opinions.
I cannot describe to my family the torment over the years of dementia and the finality of Bridgetās death last September. They helped in practical ways, but I have all of those intimate memories and when Iām alone and itās quiet, grief takes over.
Today we wouldāve gone somewhere, just anywhere , just being together enjoying the day. Instead Iām wondering how to fill my day.
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People can offer practical support and company which is marvellous.
They cannot give us that special connection or remember the precious moments spent together as a couple.
I miss him so much. Sundays are especially difficult for me as he died on a Sunday.
I hope you find something to fill your day. I am going to try to do the same.
Take care,
Rose x
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Sundays are very, very difficult for me.
A Sunday morning in March was the last morning we were together.
We went out and had a nice time. It was an ordinary Sunday together.
Then suddenly and totally unexpectedly he was gone.
Big hugs everyone,
Rose x
Good morning, well I had a goodish day yesterday. This morning Iām very crumbly. Dont get 2 days alike. Iām just going to Church hopefully that will help calm me. The people are very nice and very welcoming.
Hope you all have the best day you can
Thinking of you Rose
Lots of love Liz x
These ups and downs are so tiring and confusing.
I have thought about going to the local church.
However, I think I will start by visiting it on a weekday so I can sit quietly and think about him and pray. That is more my thing.
Hope your day improves Liz.
Love,
Rose xx
That is what i wanted to do. Ever since Roger died Iād wanted to go and sit in the church quietly, alone with my thoughts
Unfortunately our local Church was only opening for services so last week I went to Sunday service. Iām glad I did, Iām not sure yet on a spiritual level, but I did find it calming and everyone was so kind and welcoming. I went again this morning and it seems to help, for a while.
Nothing seems to really take away the pain and missing does it?
I have 2 friends coming to dinner today so that will help too. If I keep busy and see people itās not so bad. But then in the end Iām alone without Roger, and thatās when my world collapses, again and again.
Hope your day is not too painful and you find some peace
Take care Rose
Lots of love Liz x
Iām glad you are having the best Sunday you can.
You have a good set of friends which definitely helps.
I have 2 friends who have been amazing who not only supported me emotionally but have helped with the official things you have to do. I think they will not be visiting quite so much which I understand as they have given up parts of their lives over the last 10 weeks. It canāt have been easy for them as I was a wreck for most of that time. They actually came home with me right after Paul died. The police were giving me a lift home and picked them up on the way. I can never thank them enough for that.
I also have another friend who I see about once a month.
Sadly, others who said they would be around have disappeared.
Not uncommon but sad.
I have to admit I am very lonely. I need to be with people.
In a way, it is not surprising that I donāt see many people as during Covid and afterwards we had stayed mostly by ourselves as I wasnāt well.
Surprisingly, as itās Sunday, at the moment I am better than yesterday.
I hope it continues and that my down times are shrinking 
Sending love and hugs,
Rose x
Oh I do hope so.
I know Iām lucky to have the support of good friends but as you say, theyāll only take so much. So mostly I try to pretend Iām ok when Iām not.
But maybe thats what we have to do. My daughterās been good but I feel she too thinks I should be picking up now.
I think its because they donāt like seeing us hurt and in turmoil, so if we can prtend its better for them I suppose.
I do find being with people and getting out really helps. Are there any local groups you could try. I know its hard, I alqays said I didnāt want that. That Iām happy in my own company. But that was when I knew that Roger would be coming homeā¦
Iām glad youāre having a reasonable day Rose
Big hugs
Love Liz x x
I have looked online for local groups and the U3a.
Sadly, the ones I found were not at all inspiring. Which is a shame.
Just like you, I was ok with my own company when my husband was around.
Itās so different now isnāt it?
Long may our better Sunday continue.
Love,
Rose x
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Like you Iāve looked at my U3A groups and nothing takes my fancy. On the off chance Iāll meet like minded people seems remote and perhaps Iām not that desperate at the moment to try an obscure subject just for the sake of being there.
When Bridget was alive and dementia free we would have tried together but we didnāt need that and it shows me that it was enough to be in each others company.
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That sounds like me and my husband.
As I saw elsewhere, these memories of time with our partners are bitter sweet.
We would like to back in those good times.
As Iām trying to be positive today ā¦ā¦ā¦
I think we were so lucky to have been with spouses who completed us, understood us.
Take care,
Rose x
I have tried to be more positive today.
I was tearful at 9 oāclock tonight when thoughts of not seeing him again
came into my head.
That is too much for me. I really cannot cope with that.
So I am sticking to my plan of dealing with things in small bits, could be hour by hour.
It will be dealing with what I can cope with.
Rose x
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Whatās wrong with me! I canāt help it - I pick up the album where Iāve collected all the photos of Bridget when normal and with dementia and when she was content in the care home and itās upsets me so much but I canāt help but look.
Itās like a drug that I know will upset me but I still do it. Itās like there a very thin veil that separates me from her. If only I could get behind it sheād be real again. This grief really messes with your mind.
I miss her then Iām fairly ok then Iām not and Iām a mess of tears again. Itās not fair is it.
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@Dutchman, having lived in the same house with and through my mother-in-laws dementia and finally her death about 10 years ago I have some understanding. Dementia puts you through the wringer repeatedly with hardly any respite and very little sleep. I can only imagine how much that is increased with it being your wife who suffered and you very much have my sympathy for your loss. It took my husband and myself a long while to get over her loss and release the years of stress held within us but we did get there in the end. I can only hope that all these new medicines get to work soon and save both the sufferers and carers from the trauma because that is what it is. I know you miss your wife terribly and I hope that as the days pass you find some way to let some of the badness go and go forward with memories you can treasure. You certainly have my best wishes 
Grief is much worse than anyone can imagine.
I think before people experience it, then itās very easy to imagine initial grief is a deep, dark depression that after a while gradually lessens and lessens until the person is back to being able to cope. How wrong is that!
It is a total rollercoaster and very little, if anything makes sense.
I think looking at photos is needing to see them, even when it really hurts.
That is because they are not physically with us, which is what we really want.
Take care,
Rose x
It was my husbands funeral today. It was so hard to do. His family basically blanked me and his son turned up in handcuffs from prison. Which i was so hoping he wouldnt be able to come. I did the best for my husband even though he didnt for me i loved him so much and now im left withthis empty hole. Not knowing who he really was !
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Big hugs xxx
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Wow!! You must be in turmoil over this experience that I canāt begin to imagine.
Please congratulate yourself that you did your best at the time and rise above the attitude of his family.
Best wishes
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I really understand how you feel.
No its not fair, not fair at all
The wanting to look, the wanting them to be back. Iāve got a thing about wanting to hear his voice. Iāve trawled through videos but only found a very short clip, but I suppose anythings better than nothing.
This roller coaster of grief is horrendous.
Iāve actually had a couple of reasonable days but I know only too well that grief is ready to jump up and slap me in the face and bring me down again.
Take care
Sending hugs