Hi Oscar
I feel the complete opposite as I feel my husband would have coped much better if I had gone first. It’s been 30 weeks today and I’m still struggling to accept and come to terms with what happened. He was a much nicer person than I am and so that makes his passing even more unfair and cruel.
Julie
My wife had health issues about 40 of our 45yrs together I cared for her all that time and she cared for me. We all think our partners are better than us. But we all care for each other. It’s been just over 2yrs for me and I miss her every day I miss the kiss in the morning and her telling me that she loves me. I miss the touching each other. So I’m also struggling but that’s life.
Hi Oscar, I lost my husband Alan, 37 years married, in September. We’d been together 40 years. Alan died very suddenly, unexpectedly, of a heart attack. I was the one who’d been ill,. Have had a thyroid condition and eye problems since 2012. Alan was my rock. Thought we’d got lots of years ahead of us. Have a very supportive family but when they go home just me and the dog! Alan died 22/09/21. Trying to find my new normal.
My wife had heart problems she died 20/11/19 it was sudden with her we had been away in our caravan I realised something was wrong on the Wednesday when she was forgetting things I kept saying we should go home and she wanted to stay eventually I convinced her on the Friday that night she collapsed getting into bed and we ended up spending that night in a&e I spent 2 nights with her at hospital then she passed away. I thought we would be together forever she was such a strong woman. 6mths later I got diagnosed with prostate cancer that had spread I’ve dealt with that alone I finished all the treatment for that a year ago. I retook up playing guitar that I did when I first met my wife. I spend my days practicing that and looking after our 2 dogs. My normal is now walking dogs and watching TV and my guitars. Getting out and about is difficult due to side effects of the treatment and covid.
Feel the same as you .x
I miss my family. The bond I had with my mum and dad my two brothers. All are gone. I miss talking to them. Hugging them. Just the whole family unity. Miss them talking and laughing. I have forgotten their voices which is sad. I think back to the times I was really happy. Now it’s just loneliness and nowhere to turn for support. I’m grateful for this forum. It gets lonely not having family to turn to. My mental health is at its worse at the moment. Just feel so lonely and scared. Just sad… 
I am.7 months in from losing my husband of 35 years I cant find any direction in my life I have good family but its not the same as having your partner to share with I still find myself getting angry and up set over slightest thing I feel I am.at breaking point at the moment I feel lonely I can’t see light at the end of the tunnel I tell everyone I am.ok but once the door is closed I hate this life and wish I had gone first think it makes it worse because it was a sudden death he was not ill I sometimes think I have turned a corner then something happens and I am.back 4 spaces 
Hi i lost my beautiful wife last year on the 4th of February so its coming to the 1st year without her like me and mo worked all those years and retired together we had our lovely holidays with the kids in our touring caravan we had our lovely holidays together walking hand in hand when we retired we got a motorhome and planned doing our tours in it all over the uk then abroad but we had lockdown then she took ill she caught covid within 5days i lost her she passed away on the 4th feb 2021we had been married for 38 years 41 together she was my world and has you say you keep busy in the day come the night time i sit looking at her beautiful smile in the pictures and break down crying i visit her grave every day sometimes take my dinner and sit there talking to her tell her what the grandkids say every time they see her pictures but what we have are the lovely memories of our loved ones and we will allways will xx
I can totally relate to how you are feeling and what you are missing. My heart goes out to you. I miss the other half of me, the person who knew me inside and out. I miss the intimacy, the cuddling on the sofa, his strong arms around me. I miss the banter we had with each other. I miss him making me laugh. I miss him reassuring me when I wasn’t sure about something. Last week was a whole year without him. I cannot believe I will never see my love again, touch him or feel him, even smell him. I miss everything I have known for the past 42 years. The first half of last year went by in a blur. I cannot remember a lot of things. Now the heartache and pain seems more intense. I am angry that his life has been cut short and he is missing out on so much.
Hello Montague and everyone - This is all highly relatable.
Some of you seem to have been together with your spouses and partners longer than my lovely wife Heather and I were. We were married for 18 years - our youngest was 11 when she died. Heather was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36, but the chemo kept her going for a decade until she died aged 47 in the summer of 2014.
For me, all this “What I miss” stuff you’re discussing on this thread hasn’t diminished in what’s nearly eight years - sorry about that. I do try not to be cross about it though. I think the trick is to be truly grateful for what you had, rather than cross / sad / bitter / etc. about what won’t be. Mind you, when you find out how to do this, please let me know how!
If I live as long as my dad did (he died at 94 in 2018), I’ll have had 18 years married and 48 widowed. We were so lucky to have those 18 years together; I hope they’ll sustain me to my 90s.
Loving best wishes, Richard.
I totally empathise. I lost my husband 18 months ago. Fit healthy man. Diagnosed and gone in 8 weeks. The shock and loss totally destroyed me and my children, grandchildren. We were together from being 16. Only 56 when taken xx
Still feels unreal and miss him all the time xx
I feel the same way as you except for the g and t we went camping all over France every year for four weeks during the kids summer holidays I really do miss having his company and just knowing Chris was there made me feel safe and secure he would have had his 65th birthday in October then Christmas was very quiet the same as new year it would have been our 7th wedding anniversary on 20th January 17 years is a long time to be together yes we had our ups and downs but who doesn’t I just wish our GP did his job properly I think Chris would be still here I would do it all over again I’m sorry if I bore you. It still feels like yesterday it’s been almost 7 months now I can’t go out as we did and went everywhere together
Hi Bev
I lost Ian 32 weeks ago, although it seems like yesterday. He appeared fit and healthy but cancer took him within seven weeks of diagnosis. Like you, it all feels so unreal that I can’t believe what has happened. My life has been shattered and I think about him constantly. All his possessions are as he left them and I just can’t imagine me ever changing that.
The pressure is on me to move as I don’t live near family or friends but how can I leave Ian behind. He worked hard to renovate our home and I can still picture and hear him. Often he got quite frustrated when it wasn’t as straightforward as he’d hoped!
Life seems pointless now, with no happiness in sight.
Take care,
X Julie
Me too. All his stuff is around me. Hurts even going in his garage…
You take care x
Just read your post, I don’t visit this forum often, but your words struck a chord. I agree, making a busy life is what I’ve done, but it only masks how much I miss my husband Alan. I am lucky to have my children and grandchildren, but they can’t fill the emptiness, be the person you know you can rely on, who supports you and knows what you’re thinking almost before you do. I take each day as it comes now and I send you kind regards.
I can totally relate to what you have said. It’s so awful I just can’t bare it at times. The pure unforgiving sadness of the loss of the person you planned on spending your life with, the devastation of having to live with the reality of everyday life without them. For me it’s not even the big plans, it’s the small everyday things, like the chat we’d have over breakfast, the jokes he’d crack (he was such a joker and so quick), the person you’d confide in and feel safe to show your vulnerable side, the person you could tell what happened at work, or to ask advice. That’s just the everyday things that’s doesn’t even start on their presence. I hate being without him it truly feels like functioning in this life, I feel like I now exist and that I have to paint a face on everytime I see someone because I feel they must be sickbof my tears. It’s like having to hang on and go through the expected “normal” motions of life so to everyone looking in it feels comfortable whilst inside all you really want to do is cry, try to sleep so you can’t think about what you’ve lost and to give your sore eyes a rest, and wake up to the realisation you have to go through another day line that, when secretly you just want to lay down and never wake up 
Words are not adequate to describe the loss of the love of your life, every day is a challenge. I lost Alan 27 months ago and there isn’t a minute goes by that I don’t want him back. He made me promise that I would carry on as best as I am able so that’s what I do. I realise that so many people find it too painful and I wish I could take the pain away for all of us. Sending you very best wishes, Julie
Hi Karen
Just wanted to say I can so relate to everything you say from all the things you miss and putting a face on when seeing people. I so miss the everyday banter and the other half of me to talk things over with. Xx
Hi everyone
I agree with all of the comments, I miss being a couple so much. My wonderful husband Jeff passed away in January 2021 very suddenly & unexpectedly a healthy fit man of only 66. All the plans we had for retirement now will never happen. Life is so cruel, I don’t want to be here without him. I try to fill my time but at the end of the day you come home to an empty house & you are on your own with your tears. My thoughts are with all of us in this awful situation, I hope we can all find strength to carry on.
Hi @Rose1958, I am also at the 7 month stage from losing my husband, although we were only married for 2 years (together for 5). Ours was a second time round relationship and I felt so blessed to have met him after many years alone following a difficult divorce. His death was also quite sudden.
I feel the same sense of lack of direction. I feel lonely but am surrounded by friends and daughters. It’s hard when the one person you really want is not there!
Today has been a bad day for me. I had to sort out some probate stuff - the gift that keeps giving 
But tomorrow may be better. Be proud of yourself for surviving the last 7 months . I remain optimistic that things will get better in time. Take care 