Someone please please tell me how do I continue to live when I have nothing to live for?
I lost my whole life when I lost my baby in August.
I have spent the last 21yrs in total awe of her, she was my life, we went everywhere together. She was my rock, my past, my future, my world now there is only dark and pain.
MoBe, you can continue, you have your other daughter to think about. I know it’s so so hard, minute by minute is all we can do in the early stages of this journey. I have said before, and it’s true you can do it. You will never get over the loss of your beloved daughter you learn to cope in a different way, and it’s not going to be easy. It is 7 months since I lost my son and I’m still having to do things my way and I won’t change that for anyone. Keep messaging, we are here for you xx
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I feel like I’m casting things aside, dismantling what is left so there is nothing to keep me here.
I have no friends, no family, no job.
I just need to have my other daughter settled, their dad left the country yesterday, he didn’t even say goodbye to her. He’s gone to live a new life, away from this pain, though I know he felt so little for them both. When I called him hours before she died to say she was going he ignored the call.
I feel like no one here feels her loss as much as they should, she deserved the world in mourning. She was such a beautiful person.
I have very few so called friends since I lost my son, and have no family left, just myself and partner. Your daughter knew she was so well loved by you, treasure that with all your heart. I’m sure your daughter would want you to take each day minute by minute. We are your friends on here where you can off load feelings, your anger, anything how you feel. Have you thought of speaking to your GP, it’s only a thought. Since I’ve lost my son, over the last few months I’ve become harder natured and mentally stronger, but saying that I e always been strong minded, however this has rocked my world. You can do this. I’m not sure if any of what I have put helps, that’s where we are all so different in our coping. I go out walking, swimming to help, but I e always been into exercise. Just try sitting in the garden for a few minutes all helps, take care xx
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I’ve become very hard too. I no longer care about anyone or anything.
It’s a little bit empowering to totally not care about a single thing. I feel nothing for others at all.
Some people can do lovely things like raise awareness or fundraise for people who are going through similar experiences but I really don’t want to make anyone else’s life easier because mine is sooooo hard.
I am a horrible person now and I don’t want to care ever again.
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You are not a horrible person, so please try not to think that. You are a Mum who is grieving for the loss of your wonderful daughter. To be honest I don’t care a st about some people, but the people on here I have all the time and care for everyone as we are all on this journey. I’ve become even harden and stronger again. I say to my partner if someone is upset on the tv about a minor thing what the fk are they crying about, no patience. I was thinking of you yesterday when I was out doing the garden, take care xx
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I do hear what you are saying and have very similar feelings myself … don’t care about other peoples trivialities… drives me insane. Get so angry as well … was out with my dog I few minutes ago and I had him on a lead. Another dog off lead came bounding over … I was so flipping angry, my dog is on a lead for a reason. Don’t want other dogs bothering him, … grrr 
My temper some days seems to be out of control especially with trivial things. I’m not very good with dogs and the amount of people when I’m out walking the coast say, oh my dog won’t hurt you, or it likes a fuss, then jumps up makes my temper boil and then they have a piece of my mind. Like you say your dog was on a lead and you were trying to have a nice walk. Most people annoy me apart from anyone on here as we are all on this site to off load, help each other, bits of advice etc x
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I lost my son 3 months ago his 21 years old too , no parents should have to bury their child 
it should be the way around . When the night I found out that my only son passed away from that time my life is over and when we pick him up from the airport seeing him inside the casket my worlds collapsed my only son , my boy , my life is gone .
I am so sorry for the loss of your son and the pain we all experience. My son was an only child, feel so lost and not sure of how we can ever think ahead. I do day by day or hour by hour most of the time x
MoBe just checking to see how you are doing…stupid question I know but I haven’t seen any posts from you recently but May of missed them. Take care xx
Thank you for checking in @MJG how are you?
Think like the majority of people on here I’m not doing great. Christmas is hitting me really hard and we haven’t got through Halloween yet. The ads on TV the shops packed with all the things I would be buying and I still manage to slip into that “we’ll get that for Christmas, we’ll keep that for Christmas or we’ll do that at Christmas” way of thinking.
I just miss her so much, I’m back in the denial mode. I can’t believe she’s gone. I think it’s a coping mechanism, I just cannot face the alternative. Life is too bleak.
Very, very low and empty.
MoBe, I think the next few months will be tough, like you i’ve been on, I’m normally asking him what type of books he wants, any clothes he needs, start buying the stocking fillers etc. Its my sons girlfriend’s 18th in a weeks time I still cannot get motivated to find her a present! I have denial , he’s just gone back to uni ( despite all his guitars etc are in his room) , the reality is far too frightening, i’ve been back to tears most of this week, I did go out for a coffee yesterday but then all my brain is thinking, he should be here , he’s missing all this future.
Taff I’m glad you went out for a coffee yesterday even if it was hard, look back and think I couldn’t have done that a while ago, so in a way that’s a positive. I’m back to denial, spent yesterday afternoon crying in panic then had a banging headache. Like you and all of us, can’t believe they are no longer here which destroys us, I then try and turn it around and think they are at peace, then I think why has all this happened. The money I would have spent on my son’s Christmas presents will go to a charity called ManDown. We are not bothering with Christmas, just do our own thing. Not sending cards, the shops are doing my head in already. It’s my so called best friends birthday next week not even buying or sending her a card or present. It’s my birthday in two weeks not even interested in it so why should I bother for someone else. I’m full of gloom, sorry. I hope you can have an ok weekend xx
I’m in denial again. Panicked yesterday as I couldn’t remember what my son sounded like, played a video clip of him, that destroyed me even more. How couldn’t I forget what he sounded like. Ended up with a banging headache and crying. Like you not interested in Christmas, do they not realise how hard this is for us. It’s back to minute by minute again. We are not doing Christmas, never been the biggest fan of it for lots of reasons for several years although last Christmas was good, my son was over for lunch and in good form, a happy memory. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself. Do what you can, when you can and don’t let other people tell you what you should be doing or coping, I certainly don’t. I hardly see anyone, my choice, and my so called best friend well, her negative ways do my head in, so haven’t seen her for a few weeks. I’m sure one of the days I will loose my temper with her. Xx
I find I am either grieving for her and all that she has lost or grieving for me and all that I have lost.
Grieving for all that she has lost is incomparable,
I am totally consumed with despair and rage.
Constantly asking “why?” This is when I think I can’t do the next 25/30 years without her. How can life be so cruel that I have to live with this pain for so long.
The only thing that gets me through is by talking to her and telling her I will keep my promise but not for ever
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@MJG I don’t see anyone, I’ve had a few friends contact me now, hadn’t contacted me since she was diagnosed but now she’s buried they think I will be over it, or at least ready to go out again. They have no idea. I am not the same person anymore, no one matters any more.
Won’t be doing Christmas either, we loved Christmas before, always made a big thing of it, especially the build up. All my tree decorations are personal, each was bought on holiday or with a memory attached, they’ll never come out of storage again.
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Its grieving for losing them, grieving that theyve lost their future’s, grieving the loss of our futures with them, i was always a planner, never again.
My Christmas tree every year we would go to the garden centre choose something bew, have some lunch, i cannot think about going to the garden centre now that was our place. But then if i go away instead i will also feel guilty, he liked his routine so he would never entertain Christmas away
I was always a planner, always thinking ahead, so organised all my life especially because of the job I had. All I can manage is the day I am on. My poor partner is so patient with me I put him through hell with my emotions. Our futures, our children’s futures all gone xx
I’m definitely not the same person as I really don’t care. I care about the people on this forum, people I’ve never met as they have understanding of how we all have to try and cope. This is my lifeline. Xx