I thought maybe a thread where we celebrate each little milestone as we reach it could help us to encourage each other.
Today I agreed to go to a village event on Saturday. A group of people are holding a soup lunch in our village hall (called the Town Hall as this used to me a much larger place within Monmouthshire) and a very close friend asked if I’d like to go with her. She fully understood it may not be something I could manage but I have said I’ll go. It isn’t anything Richard would have gone to which makes it easier but there are likely to be a lot of villagers there.
What a great idea! I hope to post here soon! Xx💕
Great idea for a thread, @KarenF
I managed to go to my husband’s GP surgery today - they failed him so badly by not listening to him properly when he needed to be seen so urgently; 24 hours later sepsis stole him from me and broke my heart.
One of my residents asked me to take her to her quick access appointment, I agreed thinking I would be fine to sit in the car in the car park to wait for her. Some strength came over me and I went into the surgery with her and we chatted until she was called in to her appointment. I felt no emotion or panic - only relief and control that I had faced a demon that was torturing me. I know and sense that Mark is with me whilst I negotiate these difficult things. X
That is AMAZING @Markswife . Such a huge hurdle to get over.
Glad you felt Mark with you supporting you. xxx
Markswife I could have written your post myself. I too lost my husband in October 22 to sepsis and so many failings by our gps surgery…why couldn’t they have seen he was so ill. I was told by his doctor I could go in and discuss what happened to my husband but at this time I just can’t bear to go near that place ever again. Maybe soon I will find the courage like you. xx
What a good idea for a thread @KarenF
Well done @Markswife, that must of been so hard.
Im captain of our local womens football team and my gorgeous hubby was so supportive of me playing and would come to many matches despite him not being a big footy fan, he was so proud of me playing.
Sunday was matchday and it was my first game since he passed in Oct. It was emotional but i know he was there with me. I also had such great support from my team mates, and 2 of our friends came to watch and support me. It was so hard not to see and hear him on the sidelines, and it wiped me out sunday night and i had a pyjama day yesterday, just sleeping and crying. But i was glad i did it and i know he would be so proud.
Looking forward to hearing other people’s achievements
@skip that must have been so difficult and no wonder you needed time out the following day but, as you rightly say, you DID IT. Fantastic.
What an achievement, @Skip and your husband will still be proud and cheering you on from the sideline in the sky.
Also for being kind to yourself and having a pyjama day - definitely an emotional day x
Thank you @Markswife and @KarenF
My Richard and I loved walking in the Peak District. Five months after he died a friend introduced me to her walking group. I’ve been out with them twice now and they have been so supportive. Most of them have lost someone so they understand when I find it hard to speak for a few minutes. It felt strange walking with a group instead of with Richard, but I am trying to think of it as something new and different, rather than second best.
I have signed up to go on a mini break with them later this year. Onwards and upwards!
Well done and what a great idea to try and think of it as something new. I think I’ll try that when I eventually decide to try the small theatres we used to go to. If I go with just my daughter to something first that will be easier than going with the other lovely couple we used to go out with a lot.
There are also a group of ladies, mostly farmers’ wives, who go out to shows and have said they would be very happy to have me with them. I have known most of them for years and one is Richard’s cousin.
I had forgotten about that offer until your post so thank you.
I’m sure Richard is walking every step of the way with you - @Salsnips.
I have recently joined a ladies’ choir and as you say about your group, they are so kind and supportive. My husband. Mark, “appreciated” my singing or did he tolerate it! Either way it id so good to sing and be with like minded people.
How right you are @Lonely. Hats off to all of us for that one. xxx
Did he ever have cotton wool handy? If not then let’s go with enjoyed.
You should all be proud of yourselves. I have been on this journey over three years now and like everyone else I was a mess in the early months but I did have to get a lot sorted and this kept me occupied.
I am a dog owner so I had to be out walking from the word go. My husband and I was Ramblers and walks leaders and he asked me to take him on my walks which of course I do. Every walk I managed I felt pleased with myself. We have allotments and he had also asked me to keep them going which I have done but when it came to socialising I just couldn’t do it. So when a neighbour asked me to accompany her to a local evening and I managed it I gave myself a pat on the back and from there I started to make myself do the things I found hard from meeting people to doing jobs around the house. It became a challenge. Now I have found where I am comfortable with the things I do.
Thank you @Pattidot , such helpful encouragement to all of us.
Yes, it’s the socialising for me which is my huge challenge.
How grieving changes us. We just don’t recognise ourselves anymore. I did a few outings after the first effort but to be honest I didn’t really enjoy them and always relieved to get home again. I have now found that I can settle into mixing with the people I feel comfortable with and don’t crave evenings out. After an evening walk with friends and the dogs I am quite happy to lock up. I found that it was better to just let things happen that made me confortable rather than force myself into situations that I didn’t really enjoy. But I do admire anyone that is willing to have a go at new things.
All the best
Hi all, We (Viv and I) joined the local woodland group back in early 2016. We used to go to the work groups that carried out on site activities to improve the the site for local residents; I still do when I can. I have now become treasurer of the group and I am now celebrating my 3rd year of re-election. It’s not a task but more of a pastime and I’m happy to do it. I think we need to find something to occupy ourselves, something different?
I think maybe a key element of coping could be not expecting to be the same person or enjoy the same things. The things I did alone before (my crafts and two sports) are so much easier to get back to so that aspect has changed less but I am no longer part of a couple - a secondary loss to the loss of the person who was my love. There are many secondary losses which we have to come to terms with and one of those is the change in who we are and what we will spend leisure time doing I think.
Yes @Johnch I agree, finding new purpose is so important.