What to do with ashes

Hi, my mum died 6 months ago and I’m struggling with what to do with her ashes. I put them in a container and then in a plant pot in my garden with her favourite plant on top but each time I came to water it I couldn’t cope. I took it out and buried it in the actual garden but still don’t feel at peace with that so she is now back in my house and I don’t know what to do. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Hi Barbara
Our son passed away 3 months ago and we have struggled to know what to do with his ashes. Our problem is that we would like to move next year, something we were planning to do anyway and we feel it will be the right thing to do, so we do not want to bury his ashes where we are now as we would never be able to move then so I would like to find a woodland burial site were we will probably move to but so much is in the air at the moment. It is painful to have them with you but some how you want them close, where ever we bury our son is where we will stay for ever so we need to be completely certain. It is such a lot to decide on top of the grief too.
Best wishes
Janet

My husband died in March. I immediately had to have his ashes "somewhere ". They are round a very special situation in our garden. If I ever move I will lift the area around this place and take it with me.

Hi Jan, making decisions whilst grieving is so difficult as you say. I guess it makes sense for you to hold on until you settle somewhere new. I didn’t think I would have a problem as I intended to scatter my mums ashes in the garden of rememberance at the crem but when I went to look it wasn’t a garden at all just the grounds which didn’t feel right. Unfortunately my mum didn’t have a favourite place or I would have put here there. For the time being I will keep them in the house and wait for something to appeal. Take care. Barbara

Hi Eve , sounds a perfect solution. I wish my mum had a special place it would have made things simpler.

What about ashes to glass they do rings, necklaces, pandora beads and paperweights? I’m thinking I may like a paperweight with some of my mams ashes in so I have something forever. We have also thought about scattering some at Redcar where she loved to be and some on her sons grave who died after just one day or a tree so we have somewhere we can always go. What ever you decide it has to be right for you and hope you can all decide the perfect place xx

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Hi Barbara
It is not something i have even thought about not even collected them yet but my partners children have found somewhere where you can have them made into items like bracelets, rings and necklaces etc this is what they want. My step son is going to have a guitar pic on a chain as he is a musician and my partner was so proud of him.
This probably not for everyone and not cheap but just thought i would let you know because i had not heard of this before.
At the moment only 5 weeks into this nightmare i believe if you cant make a decision then do nothing until the time is right.
Carol x

I picked up my hubbies ashes today. It was very difficult and I couldn’t go alone, so my daughter came with me. At the moment they are in a wardrobe, I can’t look at them either, as it’s only been almost 7 weeks since he died. I have no idea what to do with them. I still need time and want to make the right decision…it’s all so overwhelming at times. X

My Mum’s ashes are with me at home after a year. They will at some stage be interred with my Dad’s and i have left instructions that mine are to be put there when the time comes. I am moving house soon so won’t be that close to the church where they will be but they will be together which is important to me.

When my dad died he was living in a care home in Huntingdon I new I would never go back to Huntingdon again… I have my dad ashes in a lovely container in my garden, I have moved twice since and he comes with me, soon I will be moving again and he will be coming too… I lost my partner last year, his ashes are in a beautiful box at the moment and once I have moved I will also do the same for him… I feel then my children can once I have gone take over the looking after of ashes…

Hi, my darling husband died on 28th Feb and his ashes are here in the room with me as I type. I purchased a teardrop urn online and you really wouldn’t know what it was unless I told you… if you get my drift. It is quite beautiful.This is a very personal thing that comforts me and of course would not be right for everyone. Just wait and when something feels right go with that. You will know when it’s right.

Hi So sorry for you loss, I too have my partners ashes in a lovely box in our bedroom, it is comforting for me, as you say it a personal thing and it is what ever feels right for you… take care Mo x

Hi Babs, its such early days yet for you, my condolences to you…
I put my partners ashes into a beautiful box as the container I collected him in had no meaning but sadness, I brought a big enough box that I could just pop the container into without disturbing the ashes as I am not ready for that yet, even after a year. Go at your pace and you will know when you are ready to do anything if you wish to… take care Mo x

Hello Mo. I’m sorry to read of your distressing loss a year ago. I lost my Husband last October and have not transferred him from the container I was given by the Funeral Director. This is partly because I have not emotionally been up to it and the fear of not finding something truly fitting enough. So I read your comment about buying a box to store the container in and I really liked that and think it would something I could do for the 1st anniversary. Would you mind me asking if the box was from a bereavement company or a beautiful box that can be purchased from any domestic company? Many thanks.

Hi Tina… So sorry for your loss, my condolences to you.
I brought my box from a shop called Home Sence they are part of TK Max, it was not expensive far from it, but the look with Paris and Eifel tower was so Graham, he lived there for quite a few years and love it so much I thought the box was perfect, and it looks nice in my bedroom and I feel more content…
I had brought an Urn and was going to transfer his ashes on 3rd August but I just could not cut open the container, so went out and found this lovely box which in a lot of ways seemed it was the right thing to do.
I hope this helps at this very hard and sad time for all of us, wish we could put photo’s on here I would share with you… Take care Mo x

Many thanks Mo, I really appreciate that and I will look to see if they have an internet shop. I’ve been looking at a lovely nickel finished urn but then I think what if it tarnishes, then I would decide on another and still come back to my first decision. Then I still couldn’t make the final choice. Your Graham’s container sounded so perfectly spot-on. The thing is you just know when something is perfect don’t you. Yes, your reply really has helped - thanks again for replying.

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Hi Tina,
Feeling for you at this sad time, sometime the pain is unbearable I know. Some days I find it a major effort just to get out of bed.
In case you may be interested I got my darling’s urn from a online company callled Angel Urns. The one I got is called the Walton Teardrop urn and is beautiful I think.
The undertaker who arranged the funeral put his ashes in it for me.
Hope this helps
Bless you
Debs

I hesitated to start this conversation but so glad that I did and that people have shared their difficulties and suggestions. I have recently purchased a beautiful box with bluebells on it which reminds me of when we went to bluebell woods when I was a child and I would always pick a bunch for my mum. It seems a suitable resting place for her. As I was undecided what to do when I started this I now feel so much happier having her beside me in my house.

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I’m so happy to hear that the online community has helped you with your dilemma. That sounds like a lovely and fitting resting place for your mum and I’m glad that you’ve found something you feel at peace with.

Dear Barbara.
So glad that you have been able to find someting to put your beloved mums ashes in and that it is so personal to you are your happy memories of her. I do hope that this gives you some comfort at what is such a difficult time for you, things like this are so important to when you are grieving the loss of a a loved one and only you can decide what is right to do, all another part of the painful grieving process.
Take care
janet

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