When do you really accept?

Thank you for your message Stephanie. I’m so sorry you’re on this journey too. To have your son die in your arms is heartbreaking. I found the big dates this past year weren’t as bad as I had imagined they would be. People tend to be around you on the birthdays, Christmas, anniversary do you don’t have much time to cry. It’s all the days in-between that are hard. Days when it’s just me and my thoughts. I’m sure your husband won’t want to celebrate his birthday but you could maybe go for a meal and use it to remember your son too. I wish you strength and send you a hug. I wish I could ease your pain and everyone else’s. But all we can do is be here for each other. Take care x

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Yes that is true we are on this path we don’t want to be on. I’ve had a couple of bad days feel im losing my mind with the sheer fear that I can’t turn the clock back and try and change it all. I just can’t get through that I’m in physical pain heartache that I have lost my only daughter. I read on hear and we are all having simliar feelings. I wish I could change this path for all of us

Yes that is true we are on this path we don’t want to be on. I’ve had a couple of bad days feel im losing my mind with the sheer fear that I can’t turn the clock back and try and change it all. I just can’t get through that I’m in physical pain heartache that I have lost my only daughter. I read on hear and we are all having simliar feelings. I wish I could change this path for all of us

When my son was taken from me in Feb I was sent to hospital the next day admitted to a psychiatric ward under section I was injected with acuphase injection and sectioned no one was there no one UNDERSTOOD I left hosp on antipsychotic drugs and there’s a hole in my mind and body. This struggle wants me to end it all.

Hi Roseberecz,

I’m so sorry to hear about your son. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

You deserve care and support so please, Roseberecz, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Sam

Online Community team

Rose…
…do take yourself into a church, that is where you should find someone who will sit with you and give you a cuddle, a hug, and will listen to you whilst you unburden all your troubles…this will be your best medicine…this happened to me not over a death but another matter some years ago after i had walked out of my GP surgery my local village church was where i took myself…The couple of people inside which were decorating the church with flowers, they phones the lady vaicar who lived just a short way away came and sat with me for over an hour, just sat with me cuddled and hugged me, just listened then she said a prayer for me, we said a prayer…This lady viacar done more for me than my GP had done just an hour or so before…sadly due to my now PP-MMS diagnoses we had to give up our lovely house, and i chose to move 140-150 miles away, bad choice on my part as now my partner of 20 years has not long passed away, been four or so months now…11th April…he was 74, i am 68…

Jackie…sending a (( hug )) your way as this is what you are so needing…

Oh yes, medication is the GP’s answer to everything…I THINK NOT…

I wish we had an add button or a delete button, i meant to add, antidepressants is our GP’s answer to everything, they dish them out like sweets…they think they will cure all or reverse all…

I to seemed to have gone back a bit. I have pains in my chest and neck from stress. Like you I find it hard to get my head round that my son has gone. I find life very frightening. Someone else on the site described it well when they said we spend our whole life in the belief that if we do good it will be ok, if we work hard we benefit, if we exercise we stay healthy. All trade offs. And now we have a situation where we are asking how, why, but… how has this happened when we didn’t do wrong. So we have to re assess all our ideas on life as well as grieving. Take good care x

Rose I am so sorry for you. I understand how you are feeling. The world is now very frightening and the pain is awful. Have you any other family? Is there one person who could offer you support? If there are any support groups near you it will help to be among others who have shared this experience. Always remember the Samaritans are there 24/7. Message me anytime rose, I will always answer. It’s a very painful journey but your son would want you to fight for strength to continue. Do it for him…x

Im sorry to hear how your feeling .I spent yesterday in bed the day before I went to my sisters and mum spent time with them but all the time I felt I was outside looking in. I think people think a year has passed you should be over it. But i feel the realization is now kicking on more. I lost her and how can this be we was so close spent everyday together I’m totally lost without her.

I’m feeling so low today it feels like it’s all setting in more each day that my daughter is gone and that pain is physical. I keep thinking this can’t have happened and if only I could turn time back and see if doing things differently would change the out come. I have guilt for not doing this and that too. I miss her so very much and it’s getting harder to get people to understand

I’m so sorry you are feeling so low. I know that the pain and heartbreak of losing your child is like no other and we have to get through our day the best we can.
When I think of Gemma I have to immediately switch off as that is the only way I can survive.
Posting here helps me so much.
Sending you hugs xxx

Hi Victoriap yes I went food shopping and realised what i wasn’t picking up for my daughter it’s those things we come across that hits us. I’m not doing good again today just keep thinking how her life here is over and it fills me with fear. She had physical disability but she was so bright she taught me so much. I spent everyday with her and spent every time she was in hospital beside her. We was like one

Dear Chel,
I also find that it hits me when I least expect it. For me now listening to music is very difficult as we both loved music and like most families we played music in the house and the car all the time. So I don’t have my radio on now.
Losing a child is very frightening and I still feel fearful at times but remember that we have such a strong bond with our children and that can not be broken. This is not the end of your relationship.
Much love xxx

Oh my that is what I said at her funeral our bond can never be broken. Here if you need a chat I don’t sleep well up until 3 most mornings. I get about 5 hours sleep a night been like that awhile now x

I really am struggling. In a few days it will be one year since I lost my precious daughter. It is so real and final. I do not know how anyone bears this. But they do. I go to Compassionate Friends meetings once a month and they have all lost children but they are still here. How do we do this?
I cannot believe I will never see my child again. She is here in my heart but I just don’t see how parents get through this. There feels no point to anything. Why should I have anything anyway when my child will never have anything again. I just can’t believe this has happens. Not to anyone. So cruel.
Sorry don’t want to depress anyone. Just feel desperate. Xx

Matella I’m so sorry. I understand how you feel, I’ve been the same. It was a year in July from I lost my son and it definitely hit me hard. I don’t know if I had the anniversary date built up in my head as the date I just had to get to and then he would be back again, sounds mad but it’s like bargaining. And then he didn’t come back and I went down. It’s so hard matella. I think it will be a battle we fight for the rest of our life. I want to feel a bit happy but how can I when part of me is gone. Some people say I have to live his life for him but I answer that won’t benefit him. But ultimately matella we can’t bring them back so we have to go on, somehow. I ask him everyday to help me and give me strength. I wish you the same and send you love xx

Dear Matella,
I am so sorry and we know how desperate we can all feel.
Before we lost Gems I knew a mother who had lost a child, we worked together and I used to look at her sometimes and think ‘how can she carry on her life? How can she get dressed in the morning and get herself to work?’
I couldn’t for months but I do now. I do it for the rest of my family, for Gemma’s boys, for my other two children and for my husband. They are what pull me back from the brink.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and we could have our precious children safely back with us.
I truly believe they are not far away and when our time comes we will see them again. I found a beautiful reading recently which may help you and give you strength so I will look it up and post it to you.
Much love xxx

Thank you Orchard. Yes that is exactly how I feel. I guess this is us having to accept that they are gone forever, and what that really means.
No one asks for this unyet we are here stuck with it and you are right. We have to find a way to live with it.
Sending you love. Xx

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