My daughter died just over 4 months ago, and like so many, I identify with all that you say. The pain of grief is constant, mentally distracting, physically exhausting, and I don’t know how to face the coming weeks and years carrying this burden. She had been having treatment for her brain tumour for 9 and a half years, and all this time we looked after her knowing it would take her in the end. She was 28 when she died. I am broken.
I am so sorry that you have had to take this awful journey to. It’s a nightmare. It’s very early days for you and yes your grief just now will be all consuming. I remember asking myself over and over again how am I going to live with this pain, how will I live without my son. But it’s been 14 months now and I’m still here. You will get through, day by day. I read a lot of books about grieving. They helped me understand what I was feeling for sometimes I thought I was loosing my mind! And I joined a support group near me. It was a relief to be among people who knew exactly what I going through. But we are all changed by the death of our children and part of our grieving is for the person we were. We can’t go back to that person. We look at everything differently now. And we have to work out who we are now. It takes time. A long time. Keep reading posts on here. They are very helpful. Only do what you can manage every day. I wish you strength x