When does it feel real?

It’s been 8 weeks since my husband died and I still feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare, I know deep down that he is gone, but I look at his photo and his empty place at the table and feel like I’m just waiting for him to come home, sometimes I feel like I am going mad. I carry this heavy weight inside me like dread waiting for the worst, but it’s already happened. Some days I get through without crying and others are like being crushed. I don’t really know what to do with myself

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It is shit ain’t it… And I’m afraid its not going to be any easier for a while… Your get OK days and ofc hell days you wanna curl up n die… You’re only 2 months in, I remember that all to well I don’t think I stopped crying until 5 months out… But now at 7 I feel I’m more myself and able to operate as a person instead of a zombie…
All you can do is absorb all the pain the grief don’t bottle it but take it all in bull your eyes out and do your up most best to keep distracted… That is the key the busier and more distracted you’re the better for you… Definitely talking on here expressing how you feel helps and finding some loving ppl you can relate too… Definitely try hard to have a little banter too much sadness just helps consume you…
But yeah I am sorry for your loss it is so unfair but you can get through this… Step by step day by day…
You hang in there x

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8 months on and that’s still how I feel but calmer, I’m adjusting to my new role .
I’m still me - just not part of a couple - just me.
So so grateful remembering what we had as a couple and trying not to dwell on what I don’t have.
I’ve got thru today -
Tomorrow is another day .

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Are we all the same on here ,living this awful nightmare of being alone after losing our soul mate,the love of our lives,the pain inside,the anger ,the grief,all consuming,will it never end.

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I can’t believe how important this website has become for me. When you lose your spouse you’ve lost half of your being. I know I lived through him. Alone now I’m just existing. But reading these posts is like a lifeline. It’s validating.

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It is 18 months for me now I have been going through the motions and trying to move home not a good idea ,I have not been on my own for 60 years I am finding it hard to say the least

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Mickey, unfortunately, yes we are and it’s a horrendous feeling, iv’e lost both my parents, my father died when i was very young and my mother died 7 years ago, i was devastated when i lost my mother and still think of her every day, but nothing prepared me for the absolute heartbreak and devastation i felt when my dear wife Eileen passed away 3 months ago, she had been diagnosed with cancer 18 months ago and although i knew it was terminal and it was only a matter of time i still wasn’t prepared for what was to come, after she passed (i was at her side when she died in hospital) at first there was the shock and the numb feeling, then when the funeral came around i thought i was prepared for it (i wasn’t really) a few weeks after the funeral i thought things had started to settle down, then one day i woke in tears when it finally hit me, the grief, it was overwhelming, i felt like i couldn’t breath, i was absolutely inconsolable, i have had this feeling ever since, it never goes away, i think of her constantly and can’t focus on my future life because i can’t imagine my future without her.

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Can you ever be prepared? I’m in a similar boat with the terminal diagnosis etc and I have to say I knew it was coming but I still don’t quite believe it xx

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I feel so lonely, all the time even when I’m with my kids, I love them to bits, but I’m always there with this big hole inside me. We had no warning, he wasn’t ill, within an hour he was gone. We were together 31 years, and now at 48 I’m left with no future in front of me. I have my kids, but they need to live their own lives, grow up, get jobs, leave home, fall in love and have a family, and that’s as it should be and what I want for them. But the thought of being alone for the rest of my days is so very bleak. I’m due back at work beginning of November and it will also be my birthday and what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary and I don’t think I can bare it.

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Lilyboost, the loneliness seems to be a common theme with everyone! I feel desperately lonely most of the time, don’t get me wrong I have family and really good friends, but, there is nobody who really understans what I am going through, this all consuming grief is beyond anything I have ever experienced, I don’t think I will ever get over her loss, and the future for me will be more of just an existence than a life. X

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It’s amazing how similar we are , although I had 17 months to prepare it still doesn’t seem real but it does at the same time xx

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I want so badly to talk with him right now. I never got the chance.

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Its so painful Barb I know, it’s a horrible feeling knowing we will never hear they’re voice again, makes me so sad x

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OMG I feel the same as you.All alone ,how do you build a new life.One day at a time they say,easier said than done. Love Michael.

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This is me exactly,thumping chest,feeling sick all the time,unable to eat or sleep properly.She was my World,the funeral yesterday was lovely,service perfect but then it all came crashing back,she was gone.

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I know what you mean. I’m 51, we were together for 34 years. I have two children who are young adults. They live away and, like you say, need to develop their own lives. This was meant to be our time where we could do the things we wanted and have that quality time together. It was cruelly and suddenly snatched away. I don’t know how you ever get past that. Take care

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Unfortunately every day is a school day for us all here.
I was singing along to - “in the living years” by Mike & the mechanics - floods of tears -
Too late now.
But I’m grateful for what we did have rather than what I don’t have now.

I don’t think I will ever get over him not being here but will try & live with it or thru it.
Brave words I know :slightly_frowning_face:

.

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Hi Kath 23 ,had the funeral yesterday ,my dear wife has gone and I am shattered,my world in ruins,how are we supposed to live on without the one we cherished so much. Michael

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No easy answer or manual I’m afraid .
After my hubby’s funeral I asked the. Kids to leave me alone for a couple of days - they didn’t - as I felt I needed the space .
Do things or not do things at your own pace.
Keep reading & posting tho , this community is a godsend.

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Oh how can relate to this I lost my darling wife almost 10 months ago. I thought I was coming out of the grief but heck no bang it’s hit me again I feel like I’m doing everything on autopilot. I know I have to carry on for my kids and grandkids but it’s oh so hard I’m back on the antidepressants it’s so helpful reading other people’s accounts of their feelings and how they are dealing with their loss. Thank you

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