When family aren't there for you

Pat, when we are young we are so busy growing up and learning new things that we don’t see our parents and grandparents as people - they are just there!!
When I was about 4 I couldn’t believe that my dad had been a baby!!

Even without his date of birth you might be able to find him - do you know where he was born?
Sadie x

Dear Sadie Thank you love and hugs much appreciated. Janet xxx

Dear Sheila My sons smoke also, they seem to have all the vices. My mum was 43 when she had me, and if I had been older than 23 when she died I would have found out more about her life. But as someone said its not something you think about until you are getting older yourself. I do know quite a lot but there is so much more I would have liked to have known. I have lots of photos on my laptop but no one will be interested when i’m gone because they’re not interested now. I am not being harsh but do you think your grandchildren will even want to know where you were born or anything else about you for that matter. Each generation goes worse and you wouldn’t have thought our “darling” sons would have turned out like they did. May be you shouldn’t have informed him about his car and left it until he found the damage himself, saying well you never want to answer your phone to me so tough. Love Janet xxx

Hi Pattidot try Familysearch.org it’s a free family tree site run by the Mormons been using it for years traced grandmother’s line back to believe it or not William the conqueror Regards MM69

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Sheila, you have hit the nail on the head. You are their mother. A mother thinks and behaves very differently to any friend or neighbour. I never say that I am my children’s best friend because I’m not. Yes, we can do stuff together, go places, have fun but I am Mum. Our children behave differently with their friends and that’s as it should be. Mum’s can’t be replaced ever, but friends and neighbours can. We only ever have one mum (or dad) but we can have many friends and they can change over time. Just my thoughts you understand and I hope I haven’t offended anyone. Much love Sheila xx

Hello everyone,

This conversation has been created by moving some posts originally posted here: Your reason for living In ONE SENTENCE PLEASE.

Our community guidelines ask that users try to make replies useful and relevant. Obviously, many conversations do change direction organically, and this is normally fine, so long as participants are still finding it helpful.

In this case, there were clearly two parallel discussions taking place, so I have separated them out to help make things clearer and ensure everyone can participate in the conversations that are most relevant to them.

Dear Sheila I never see any of my grandchildren. I have 6 and 1 great grandchild. 2 of them came on new years day for their Christmas money as my oldest son doesn’t have anything to do with me so I left a message with someone to tell them to pick up their present. None of them ever visit and I am now banned from going to my youngest sons house so won’t get to see his son. I must have been wicked somewhere in my life . I also have to take 2 buses to my youngest sons house and he didn’t appreciate me arriving at 8.30 pm a couple of weeks ago. I told him why it was late because of a road closure. I had set out at 6.50 from home and should have been there by about 7.30 ish. Does he think I want to be trawling the streets and bus stations at that time. Me and my sister have always said if we had our lives to live all over again we would not have kids. The older they get the more trouble they become. Love Janet xx

Dear crazy Kate Yes my sons treat everybody else better than me. That’s kids for you. If mums can’t be replaced why are some of us treated like dirt from the bottom of their shoe. Love Janet x

I have found since mum died our family glue has come undone. My brother is not coping my dad is not coping. I’m trying to help them. But it’s hard. Me and dad are as close as ever. But my brother is pushing us away. He has always been a mummy’s boy. And as a result is a bit of a spoilt brat. I’m trying so hard to maintain the relationship but I don’t think he’s interested. He wasn’t that interested when mum was alive. It’s even harder now. I have to keep trying for mums sake. Bit how much do I take of not getting anything back.

Sorry!!! I’ve posted in the wrong group. :grimacing::weary:

That’s what I do too Sheila. I just respond to the last posting. X

Does it really matter so long as we get to talk. We’re all in stressful situations as it is without bickering. It just seems so much more complicated than the old way we did it. I am just so tired of everything. Sorry.

Janet I think like you
Because one starts a subject it doesn’t mean is HER subject and everyone has to do what SHE wants - a bit controlling really

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Well Sadie I just think that if you want to reply to a post surely you don’t start a new thread. I just think its manners and the right way to do it. Janet x

No worries, @Jooles45, I have moved these posts over now.

@Lonely, @daisy-janet @Sadsadie - please don’t worry too much about trying to be on topic. I understand it can be difficult to know what the original post was about in a long thread. As I have said, in the vast majority of cases it is absolutely fine to reply to the most recent posts, as many threads change direction naturally. It was only in this specific case that it had gone in two different directions that seemed to be in conflict with each other. On the rare occasions this happens, it can be resolved by splitting the thread, so it is not a big problem.

I had a good chat with my counsellor this morning about the situation with my brother. My mum and dad have allowed his behaviour for so long. But i just can’t cope anymore and neither can my husband. The problem was before we used to just meet up for a few hours here and there but now mum has gone he comes to stay with us. And his behaviour hovered over us all weekend

Hey Sheila and Jooles, glad to see you’re both behaving yourselves and posting in the correct place :joy::joy:

Just to respond to this…

Our community guidelines do ask that everyone tries to be supportive and respectful. When someone has asked for answers to a specific question in their original post, then it is supportive and respectful to try to do so. It is not controlling for someone to ask for a specific type of help that would benefit them.

In many cases, a wide range of answers sharing other people’s personal experiences with bereavement are still relevant and helpful to the original poster, as well as others. However, in this case, the original poster had made clear that she still wanted responses to her original question, hence I split the thread.

No posts have been removed and everyone has somewhere to carry on with whichever discussion they found helpful. I think this would be a good time to leave this one alone and get back to supporting each other.

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Sorry Sheila and ladies but I am laughing my head off. Sheila I know your situation with your son’s is serious but the things you say are so comical. You did say before Christmas that you was going to change towards your son’s attitude and you certainly are, I’m proud of you. I hope your e-mail is a wake-up call and you are apologised to. Good on you, I say.
As for the forum I can’t work out where we are now, completely lost. I was reading messages and couldn’t understand why they was on this conversation and then I remembered where they had been originally. If we don’t laugh we will start crying!!! :roll_eyes:
Hi Kate I too am trying to behave myself, it’s hard though.
Pat xxx

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Priscilla I loosing the will to leave
We have been supportive and respectful with the person that started the conversation - many days later the conversation took a different direction ( and it was me who did it!!)
I am just tired of this conversation going in circles - we don’t have control where the conversation goes- I truly apologise for not answering what it was expect from me