When is it right !

I’m a 50-year-old guy! My wife passed away on 8 Aug 2021, she was only 51.
I loved my wife, I’ve started to put some sort of life back together, Its hard,
Its been an uphill struggle coping with day today,
People say I should get on with my life and find someone to spend time with!
I like other people views on this, please,
I don’t know what to do!
yes, I feel so alone and miss chatting and doing all things couples do together,

1 Like

What people @steven123? People who haven’t lost their one true love? How could they know? There is no definitive answer to your question but I do think you are still very much in the early, raw stage of your grief. It is hard, it’s bloody hard being on our own but I feel it’s too early for you to even think about ‘moving on’. Please don’t look for someone else just to appease those ‘people’. Do what’s right for you. Only you can know.

I am truly sorry you have lost your wife. You sound like you are doing as well as you can be and I feel sure your wife would be proud of you. Take your time. Allow yourself to grieve. Remember that there’s no right or wrong where grief is concerned. x

2 Likes

I too struggle to be on my own and hate the loneliness of an empty house.
However I do agree that it’s best to give it time. Firstly, because I think you need to allow yourself time to grieve so that when you enter a new relationship you are being fair to the other person. ……… these are just my thoughts by the way.

Maybe you could be part of a group where you get to do things together without any emotional involvement. However, I do feel your new friends would need to be single, otherwise you will feel the loneliness even more.

I have no idea if this helps or even makes sense!!

Dee xx

3 Likes

Just a quick add on!!

I loved going to the pictures with my hubby.
Now I feel I would only feel happy to go with single people so that when the evening is over, I’m not the only one going home on my own.

It helps to all be in the same boat

Dee xx

1 Like

Steven123

Sorry for your loss, it’s still very early days for you, you might find some days your going backwards, I agree with what’s been said so far, give yourself time to grive, having friends with no emotional attachments might be best for now, who knows what can progress from that in the future further along this awful path your on, you seem to be coping well, keep on moving forward, I think you will know in yourself if somthing feels right, but don’t go looking for it to please others.
Hugs Chrissy3

2 Likes

thank you to all, I guess I really miss caring for my wife,
I was her full-time carer, Now I’m so lost, Still make two drinks when going in the kitchen,
This house has so many ghosts for me, I’ve moved all the rooms around, I use to play online games with my wife, now I can’t even do that! I just end up crying !
Cant go shopping in Wellingborough cos my wife died in the shopping center,
How messed up am I, I was married for 8 years she was my world,
I’ve been hiding my feelings, I’m not ready to start again!
I have too much pain and sadness in me still, That’s not fair on anybody new…
Thank you Steve xx

3 Likes

Steve,

Hang on in there. We are all here for you. This is a great site to get your thoughts, anger, sadness out there.
We are all in a mess and we all rely on each other for support. It’s ok that you’re still struggling, it’s ok you can’t shop where you used to, it’s ok that all the things you did for your wife have left a void. We get it.
I know people have good intentions when they give advice, but unless they have been through this they wouldn’t have a clue and the last thing any of us need is to try and pretend we are ok and ready to move on. It’s just to exhausting isn’t it.

Dee xxx

1 Like

We are all here for you Steve, we are all in this terrible heartbroken state and we understand.
It’s surreal.
I often find myself asking how this has happened, as although I lost my darling husband of 37 years in February I actually still cannot believe he has gone

2 Likes

I.understand but don’t do what u don’t wanna do…
Will meet people when you least expect it…
It’s a frightening thing having to start again where do you start no idea…

Steve,
I am recently widowed too (Jan 21). 51 years old
Grief is a very personal thing and everyone is different to how they cope.
You do what is right for you. It took me a while just to even get back to work.
If someone hasn’t been through it they don’t understand.
You will know in yourself when it’s time to move on. Only you can decide when it is time nobody else.

1 Like

You want to know the saddest thing is when they took her away in an ambiance, They wouldn’t let me go with her to the hospital Covid rules they said, Left me just standing by the shopping center alone,
they didn’t give a shit, I don’t drive, I walked all the way home feeling numb inside,

My wife was in hospital and like you could not visit because of COVID. Got in Christmas day for an hour then the last couple of days before she passed. Nothing prepares you for what you go through.
People say stay strong, they would want you to move on etc. etc. Who are people to say how you should feel and what you should do and when. Take your time you will know when it is right for you.

1 Like

Steven123 if you are looking for companionship then go for it we have all missed out on so much socialising and it’s important for our mental health.
But like it’s already been said if your thinking of something with more commitment then give yourself more time you are clearly devastated by the loss of your partner so be kind to yourself and have some ME time especially as you were her full time carer too .
Take care and keep chatting xx Karen xx

3 Likes

yes, all I really want is companionship and friendship, Someone to meet up with and go shopping or just for a beer or coffee, I’m struggling going out on my own now, Just feel so helpless.

1 Like

Hi Steven, I lost my wife of 38 years in Feb this year I am 59, I do understand how you are feeling lost, I struggle daily with the loneliness, my male friends seem to of disappeared but I do get messages from my wife’s friends, I have been round one for coffee and a chat a few times and she completely knows its just a social thing, I also took one of her friends for lunch, I wanted to go out but could not face it sitting in a restaurant alone, again purely for company plus she got a free meal, I find talking to women so much easier that that of men, I used to always go shopping with Kath for her clothes, its something I used to enjoy and more often than not she would select what I had chosen, there is no macho crap in Women or that men don’t cry rubbish and they are more emotionally attached !! maybe you have a female friend who will just go out for a social meetup. It will be some time before I could entertain anything else, you do need to grieve and as already been said you have to be ready and I believe this is true, not just for you but anyone you meet.

1 Like

Steven,
I agree with tonyo42, took me a while just being able to for a cuppa with a pal. What I was warey of was sympathy. I wanted to be treated as me and not a widowed person. My friends were great with this. It was great just having a yap about nothing. I still find things hard too. You will know who those people are.

1 Like

Hi
I lost my wife June 30 th this year 42 years married she was 57 I’m 58 I have a big family and everyone tells me I’m doing great I have passed my motorbike test and bought a bike I’ve been to Spain on my own I’m now on holiday with my sister and her hubby and I have a lady friend. But I’m not doing all right I am papering over the cracks sometimes live is very very dark be careful is all I can say I hate being on my own so my bike and a holiday is my way of getting away from it all everyone is different but beware of the guilt creeping in to haunt you.

2 Likes
Back to top